Scotty is the first to wake up. Slightly disorientated. It is chilly in the room, with the doors of the balcony having been open for a great part of the night and the early sun is not being strong enough yet, to chase the cold away.
Not that Scotty is complaining about the cold. He can feel Kevin’s warm breath in his neck and Kevin’s chest pressed against his back, Kevin’s arm is casually draped across his stomach and in all it is a warm little cocoon to sleep in. Speaking of sleep… what woke him up…? A small knock at the door answers his question.
“Kev…? Kev, wake up! There is someone at the door.”
“Huh, what? … Oh right. Right.” Kevin nearly tumbles out of bed, after almost losing his fight with the sheets.
“Room-service.” A cheerful female voice at the door says. Scotty quickly covers himself up a bit. The girl enters the room, spends one look at Scotty, turns to Kevin and asks without blinking:
“Would you prefer breakfast here on the table or rather in bed?” Kevin is not at all shocked or surprised by her question. He has known Olivia since the first time he came here and there is a mutual liking.
“In bed.” Kevin decides. He knows that normally Olivia would not approve of it.
“I hear you got married.” She declares.
“Yes, this is Scotty.” Kevin replies. She stretches her hand out to Scotty and Scotty has to take it.
The sheets slip away a bit and if she notices at all that Scotty is naked under the sheet, she’s not showing it.
“I’ll put the coffee and tea here. Be careful with those. Alright?” Kevin nods and as she is about to leave the room, she remembers her manners and cheerfully greets: “I hope you and your husband have a nice honeymoon, Kevin.”
“Mhmm, I like that, you know, when somebody calls me your husband like it is the most normal thing in the world.”
“She’s nice.” Kevin commented for no particular reason. He puts the tray on the bed and sits down opposite of Scotty. He appreciates the view of Scotty, sitting there, his hair sticking in all directions, traces of the sheet and pillow still marking his face and torso, the blue eyes sparkle with joy and it certainly doesn’t go unnoticed to Kevin that the sheets have slipped and reveal more of Scotty’s thigh than he would normally show.
They eat their breakfast while discussing their plans for today. Kevin has no real plan other than making love with Scotty one more time before they leave. That plan is greeted with enthusiasm from Scotty. Scotty would like to go swimming and perhaps enjoy some time on the beach before heading back to their apartment, which is an idea Kevin can live with, although he thinks his idea was better.
With his immediate hunger satisfied, Kevin lies down next to Scotty. His fingers slide over Scotty’s back, making meaningless patterns. When Kevin caresses a sensitive place, Scotty can’t help but shiver. They quickly make eye-contact, but leave it at that. There are still many things on the tray and Scotty would really like to try everything. Especially the jam, which, red and inviting, intrigues him.
“What do you think the flavor is?” Scotty asks. Kevin appraises it from a distance and guesses:
“Strawberry?....?” Scotty can’t resist anymore, he sticks his finger in the jam and tastes…. He waits for the sweetness to pass and then:
“Definitely not strawberry.” He tastes again. “Cherry!” Kevin smiles, he doesn’t really care, but seeing Scotty so engrossed with food is always entertaining to him.
“Well, I’m not going to contradict you. You have great taste…” Kevin compliments him and then more teasingly: “After all, you chose me..”
“How could I not? Delicious body, sometimes a bit of a sour mood, but usually sweet to get on with, spicy between the sheets, a bit ‘bland’ when it comes to karaoke….” Scotty’s little joke ‘earns’ him a mock-frown from Kevin. “No, seriously, I love all those different tasty moods you offer me. Your sarcasm, your love, your tenderness, your angry moments, your laughter….” He stops trying to think of something he forgot.
“ Your forgot the most important thing.” Kevin pretends to sulk. Scotty’s look drifts from Kevin’s face to way down his body.
“Oh, love, it is hot!!!” he then replies.
“No, not that….. although thanks for the compliment, I’m proud of it myself.” Kevin grins, but then continues: “No, I’m talking about my modesty.” Kevin says. And he makes such a serious face, that it cracks Scotty up. His careless laughter is like music to Kevin ears. God, he loves to see and hear Scotty like this.
Scotty grabs another finger of jam, turns to Kevin and dabs the jam on the tip of Kevin’s nose.
“Hey!” Kevin protests, but immediately shuts up as Scotty start to kiss and lick the jam away. Scotty’s lips cover Kevin’s for a moment and Kevin can taste the sweetness for himself. Scotty breaks the kiss, grabs another finger full and traces Kevin’s lips, making his mouth dark red. Scotty sees Kevin close his eyes and he lets his finger slip between those awaiting lips and watches with fascination how Kevin sucks on his finger. God, Kevin is so hot like that and his heat ignites the fire in Scotty.
Kevin can hear Scotty hold his breath and he slowly opens his eyes. Kevin’s blue gateways to his soul reveal his lust and passion and Scotty wants to join him there.
“Do you have any idea what I can do with jam?” Scotty whispers. Kevin raises his eyebrows.
“Care to enlighten me?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Scotty’s look is scorching hot, Kevin can feel Scotty’s hard cock against his thigh, Scotty wets his lips and swallows hard. Kevin spreads his legs invitingly.
Scotty bites his lip as if he’s unsure, what to do next, but Kevin isn’t fooled by it.
“Damn, Scotty, stop this playing around…. Just take me!” He moans. Scotty smiles. How can he ignore an order like that?
“This is such decadence.” Scotty sighs. Kevin nods, silently enjoying lying in Scotty’s arms. He had feared the tub wasn’t big enough for two, but he and Scotty didn’t need much space. They enjoy each other’s company. Quietly. Kevin figures for one moment that his idea of ‘decadence’ obviously varies from Scotty’s, but he doesn’t want to go into any conversation that would ruin this perfectly peaceful moment.
Scotty blows on Kevin’s hot skin and chuckles as he can feel Kevin shiver.
“Stop teasing me.” Kevin orders in a low lazy voice, as a smile plays around his lips.
“You don’t want me to do this then?” Scotty asks equally sweet as he dots Kevin’s nose with a handful of foam. Kevin blows it away with a grin.
“No, you are not supposed to do that and stop attacking my nose.”
“….Maybe I should start attacking this?….” Scotty’s hand slides down from his chest and moves lower, but Kevin grabs his wrist.
“No. Not that either. It’s been attacked enough. Leave it alone….” He warns playfully.
“Or….?” Scotty had to ask. Kevin gives him a quick pinch in the side, knowing that Scotty is ticklish. It results in a squirming behind and underneath him, as Scotty tries to avoid any further attacks from Kevin’s fingers. They are both laughing, until Kevin turns his head a bit and he plants a small kiss on Scotty’s lips.
“Perhaps we should get a bath of our own.” He suggests.
“And where would we put it? Bathroom is too small.” Scotty reacts.
“We need another house. How would you feel about moving to a bigger place?”
“Is that a serious question?” Scotty asks. Kevin nods. “I don’t want to leave. I like our apartment, we have what we need, nice neighbors, practical for both our jobs. Why change?”
“Serious? Because sometimes, I think, it is too small. And you dislike it. Because it holds memories of… others.” The small hitch doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Kevin, I am aware of ‘others’ having been in your life. I’ve had ‘others’ in my life too. The place also holds memories of me, two years ago, and that night on Valentine’s day.”
“Don’t remind me. I am still kicking myself that I let you go...”
“Well, stop doing that. That looks rather silly. Kicking yourself, I mean.” Scotty replies vaguely and Kevin starts to laugh, followed by Scotty.
“You think we would have made it, had we gotten back together than?”
“No.” Comes Scotty’s decisive answer.
Kevin lets the answer sink in several moments. He doesn’t want to argue but still….
“We weren’t ready for any sort of relationship at that point.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You were in relationship with Chad, I would not have interfered, had I known.”
“Oh, don’t do that, you were the one who noticed I did bootcamp with Chad and not Michelle. Your gaydar redlined when you saw Chad. And you didn’t make the connection between him and me?”
“What? He was this good-looking actor and me just a lawyer?”
“To the contrary. He was a not very talented, in the closet-soap-actor, I didn’t really think he’d keep you interested for longer than 5 minutes….”
“Not very talented? Mhmm, he had a lot of talent, though I have to say acting on that soap-series wasn’t one of them…” Kevin admitted.
“He had other talents? Such as…?” Scotty asks, Kevin replies by rolling his eyes and giving him a heavenly smile. “Oh… Am I supposed to get jealous?”
“Oh, no, please don’t, I’m not in the mood for crustaceans.” Kevin jokes, before confessing: “No, he was terrific between the sheets, only out-matched by one man… You.”
“Wow! … Strategic answer.” Scotty laughs. “Ever considered a career in politics?”
“Nah, Kitty would kill me… Though it would annoy the pants off of Robert…. So maybe I ought to consider…..” Kevin ponders.
Scotty kisses Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin raises his hand and runs his fingers through Scotty’s hair, before sitting up straight. He gets up.
“Hey, where are you going?” Scotty asks.
“Out. We have to pack and put everything in the car and leave this room.”
Scotty sighs, Kevin is right, time to pack. He enjoys the sight of a naked Kevin drying himself off. Then he too leaves the bathtub. With regret.
Their bags are waiting next to the door. Kevin checks the bathroom one more time, to see if they haven’t forgotten anything. Scotty looks under the bed, if maybe something got underneath it. He finds the package of unopened condoms and sits down on the floor, with his back against the bed. He realizes that he has taken a big step this weekend. To put his faith in Kevin so unconditionally is scary. He never did that before, not for anyone.
“Find something?” Kevin asks. He sees the package and is about to make some joke, when the look on Scotty’s face captures his attention. His sits down next to Scotty. “What’s the matter, sweetie?”
“I’ve never before… Not without protection… But I did it anyway… with you.”
“Yes. I never did that either, but you know, I’ve never felt more confident in my life. I believe in you and I believe in us, Scotty.”
He puts an arm around Scotty’s shoulders and takes him into his arms. Scotty lets his head rest against Kevin’s chest. For a little while they were quiet. Kevin feels something is still bothering Scotty.
“Kev? Do you think I’m weak?”
“ What?.. No... In what way? … Should we arm-wrestle to find out which of us is stronger?” Scotty laughs softly.
“No…” Scotty’s smile disappears. For a moment he seems embarrassed and shy, but then he explains himself a bit better: “You know, Mark had a theory… and lived by that theory…”
“Do I want to know?” Kevin asks carefully. Scotty’s smile is unpleasant.
“I doubt it, but here it comes: He believed that in each relationship one partner was the dominant one and the other the submissive one…”
“… and considering that he was older, physically and mentally stronger, the financial provider he felt he was the one who should be recognized as the dominant one….”
“… which automatically put you in a ‘submissive’ position?”
“Yes. He was very good at making me understand that somehow, I wasn’t good enough. That I needed him to take care of me, because I couldn’t take care of myself. And I believed him. I mean, I was young and inexperienced. What did I know?
I was shy and could not really believe that I somehow managed to capture and keep the interest of such a great guy and yet I felt so special and he made me feel that I should be honored that I was allowed to share his bed with him….” Scotty shivers. “… and always, he would remind me that I was not as smart as him, not as wealthy as him and when he was done, he would say that it wasn’t so bad that I wasn’t that good, because he would teach me,.. because he really, really loved me….”
For a few moments Scotty is lost in thought and then he continues: “I was so confused and I believed, that if I tried hard enough, if I could please him, that I would become worth it, that I could become an equal partner…. It took me a while to realize I was fighting a losing battle … No matter how hard I worked, I would never be good enough, because he didn’t want me to be.”
Kevin remains silent for a few moments, the sadness in Scotty hurts him too. He would love to kill this Mark, for what he did to Scotty. But now he starts to understand Scotty’s previous reactions to certain things he did and said.
“Was that the reason why you got so angry when I suggested compensating your hours for that charity-thing? You felt that I was trying to control you?”
“Yes. Like I said before, I felt so out of my league with you. I was so scared to make the same mistake again, to get hurt again, but I wanted to be with you, I wanted to trust you, at the same time, I doubted myself so much. I was so aware of what could happen between us… with me being pushed back in a position that I would be depending on you, rather than be independent from you.
I weighed every word you said to me and made sure the balance would tip unfavorably your way. When you suggested paying for my hours, I wanted to hear that you were trying to buy me, because that is what I expected from you. I didn’t hear how you were, rather clumsily, trying to say that you wanted me to be with you. That of all the people you could have chosen, you wanted it to be me. I was so focused on how things could go wrong between us, that I didn’t look at how we could do it right.”
Scotty’s lonely fight seeps through his words and Kevin sighs. If only he had known all this, way back than…. It still would have not made a difference, he knows. Like Scotty had noticed before, neither of them were ready…. Yet something still bothers Kevin. He formulates his question carefully:
“Scotty, you were 21 years old when you left him, but 26 when you met me. What happened to you? Where were you in the meantime?”
“Adrift. Everywhere. Nowhere. Working odd jobs that came along. Stayed a few weeks here, a few weeks there. Three months working in one place, two months catering in another. My bosses were always sorry to see me go and usually gave me good credentials.” Scotty shrugs. “My love-life became vague, with all sorts of men. Anyone who was nice to me. I so longed to discover, to explore, but also to be loved, to be needed. A safe place of my own.
But somehow, I usually ended up with the type of men like Mark. I would recognize the signs and would quickly get out, every time with a broken heart, an even more bruised ego and another nod to why I wasn’t worth anything. I failed at every relationship.”
“That is a bad path to walk.”
“Yes…. I saw the light when one of my ex-boyfriends explained that as long as I behaved like a doormat, everyone would continue to walk all over me. I had to be more assertive. So, I moved on. Further adrift. I found a job in a bar, where they needed help and I immediately acted rather arrogant, put on this ‘get them, before they get me’ attitude and became a regular…ahm… bitch...” Scotty smiles.
“Wow. That must have made you really popular.”
“And how! Loneliest time of my life. Any guy vaguely interested in me would walk away from me in no time. I was impossible to be with. Constantly pointing at other people’s mistakes, rather than look at my own.
After yet another break up, I stopped dating and took a good look in the mirror. I didn’t like the person looking back at me. I had no idea who he was. I mean, I had so long changed myself to be accepted by my partners, that I no longer knew who Scotty Wandell was or what he wanted. Does that make any sense?”
“More than I care to admit.”
“I needed to find myself first… So, I came to Los Angeles…..”
“Oh, ideal place to ‘find yourself’…” Comes Kevin’s immediate sarcastic reply. Scotty laughs and he has to agree with Kevin.
“No, it’s not, but it was good to see people acting and behaving flakier than I did at the time.” He smiles. “I started once again from scratch. I made some friends. I continued to go out. I just made everything more casual, I’d hang out with them, but I didn’t date anybody. Instead I got myself some self help books…”
“Plenty of those here.”
“.. and tried to figure out what it was I wanted. I got myself a nice job as a receptionist at an insurance-company…. And thanks to them, I met this gorgeous lawyer…..”
“While being involved with this…what’s-his-name-again? Randy.” For one moment Scotty seems puzzled, than he remembers.
“Randy Stewart?” he asks and Kevin nods.
The change in Scotty is surprising. He starts to grin.
“Oh, yes, poor Randy.”
“Yes, he must have been devastated by losing you.”
“Not really. I don’t think I was really his type anyway…” Scotty laughs and on seeing Kevin’s confusion he explains: “Randy wasn’t really my boyfriend…. He was the boyfriend of my colleague Janice. She worked with me at Mangopean.
She bought tickets for ‘Two for the road’ for me and her, but she was two months pregnant and her morning-sickness lasted all day and she didn’t want to go. And she suggested that Randy should go with me. He and I knew each other and he didn’t mind my being gay or going out with me. I spend quite some time complaining to him about this insensitive jerk of a lawyer who was supposed to get in touch with me. And never called. ” Scotty noticed the regret on Kevin’s face.
“But when you showed up at the movies and Randy pretended to my boyfriend, just to show you that I could do better than you. But when I saw your face and you looked so hurt and disappointed and … I felt bad about faking that I was there with him, that he was my suitor.”
“I wanted to be with you that night.” Kevin said. “But my mother….”
“Shhh, it’s alright. It’s gone.” Scotty wraps his arms around Kevin’s neck , kisses him and he pushes Kevin to the floor and covers Kevin’s body with his own. Kevin arches in to the touches and caresses. Scotty’s kisses are hot on his skin and he wants to surrender to that warm mouth, but he gently pushes Scotty away.
“It’s actually time to go.” He reminds Scotty.
“Can’ t we stay just a little longer?” Scotty begs, nibbling at Kevin’s ear. Kevin shivers underneath him.
“Scotty. I am not 18 years old anymore, my body needs some time to ….”
“ Good thing you’re not 18 years old, because if you were, I’d be 11 years old and then this would be terribly illegal.”
Kevin kisses Scotty, for once happy that he is no longer 18, but then resolutely pushes Scotty away.
“We have to go.” He says. Scotty nods. He knows. Kevin grabs their weekend-bag and Scotty looks around the room one last time. Things have significantly changed between Kevin and him these last 24 hours. Scotty has told his best kept secret, thanks to Kevin being honest about his previous relationship with Hank.
Scotty realizes that Kevin and he still have some way to go, but in all, he is confident that they will succeed. He smiles at the remains of the jam and closes the door behind him. There is no other proof of the room being used than a rumpled bed and the tray on the table. With the doors to the balcony closed the murmuring of the ocean can’t get into the room. The silence reclaims the room.
END OF PART SIX