marea67 (marea67) wrote,

Happy now? - Part 6/12

Happy now? Part 6/12

By Marea67
About: Kevin/Scotty, and Alex Grodin (original character) and Ben (original character)
Disclaimer: I don’t own Brothers & Sisters or Kevin & Scotty, but Alex is mine
Summary: A ghost from Kevin’s past returns.


Ben watches Alex, who is up on deck. They are far away from the coast. Just floating around. They spend two days enjoying lazing in the sun, reading books and magazines, enjoying a simple meal and a glass of wine. Ben feels good and healthy and loves spending time with Alex. They made love several times yesterday. And now he can see the furtive glances Alex gives him whenever he knows that Ben is looking at him.

Ben smiles. He’s getting aroused at the thought. Alex smiles too and moves closer to Ben. He kisses Ben on the lips, but lets his fingers slide down, pushing aside the towel around Ben’s waist, knowing that Ben is naked underneath, just like he is under his. Ben's smile become bigger as he sees Alex get on his knees. Ben spreads his legs.

Without a word spent, Alex takes Ben’s cock in his mouth and starts sucking. Ben’s hand runs through the dark curls on Alex’s head, pushing himself deeper into Alex’s throat. He enjoys the little refusal that he can feel in Alex before Alex gives in. Alex always gives in and Ben knows he’s lucky to have someone as wonderful as Alex in his life and in his bed.

He tugs at the dark curls, signaling Alex to stop
“Go downstairs and get ready. I want to fuck you.” He is so in the mood for this. Alex gets up and, without at single word, he goes down the small stairs, to the small cabin where he gets on the bed, puts the lube and condoms in range and awaits Ben.

Ben doesn’t waste much time. Once he’s in the small bedroom, he crawls on the bed and after not much foreplay Alex can feel him penetrate him. The strong hands are on his hips. The thrusts are hard and deep and Alex has a hard time enjoying them, but this is how Ben wants it right now, so Alex closes his eyes, grips the pillow tightly and lets his mind go free. Free to a night when….

...“I love you, Kevin.” The words come with more ease than he imagined possible. Kevin looks stunned. He’s in Kevin’s arms after telling about his dad, after telling him that he’ll go to hell and never see Kevin again once they are dead. He knows there’s something wrong in this story, but his mind is too befogged to tell.

“No, you’re not.” Kevin smiles. “You’re just fond of me and you’re completely drunk.”
“No, I’m sure. I love you.”
“Alex….” Kevin tries to laugh it off again, but somehow that is not possible, not with Alex’s lips on his.

Alex lies down on his back, pulling Kevin on top of him. It’s like passion unleashed. Their arms around each other, holding tightly, grinding, pushing, tongues licking bare skin, soft moans from both of them until Alex pushes Kevin away and pants:
“I want more, I want to feel you inside of me.”

Kevin moans, doesn’t need to be asked twice. And what follows….

OUCH!! Alex snaps back to the now. He can feel Ben’s hand between his shoulders, pushing him lower on the bed, shoving himself into Alex’s body. Alex closes his eyes tightly to make sure that there will be no tears. He tenses and he knows that he shouldn’t, because it will only hurt more. He MUST relax… And the only way to relax is to remember

... what follows are soft fingers touching him, preparing him. Kevin asking him at least 4 times if he’s sure, if he’s absolutely sure? And Alex doesn’t understand why Kevin is so worried. What’s the big deal? You get on your hands and knees and you just pretend you’re somewhere else until the shoving and pushing is over. Isn't that what sex is all about?

But it doesn’t work like that. Not with Kevin. Because Kevin kisses him softly, caresses him until his skin is on flames. Kevin’s lips on his belly make him arch up. Hesitantly he pushes Kevin’s head further down. His ‘please’ is nothing more but a whisper, but then feels Kevin’s lips on his cock, the way Kevin hesitantly uses his tongue to taste and there’s a little squeak escaping his mouth. No one has ever done this TO him.
He can feel Kevin’s hands between his thighs, spreading them further and Kevin is getting him ready to receive him and Alex forgets everything. The first discomfort as Kevin penetrates him is quickly forgotten and he latches on to Kevin, pushing up, wanting Kevin deeper and deeper inside of him. The brandy they bought makes him tear down all his boundaries.

He gives everything he has to Kevin, who starts to move faster, his moans close to Alex’s ear. And Alex holds on to Kevin, holds on for his life. He closes his eyes tightly, but it makes no difference. Kevin is so sincere in his love-making, in his tenderness, in his care that it feels so good and Alex’s eyes well up with tears.

And then there is this moment. This moment when everything seems to spiral around him, when Kevin stops for a moment and softly presses his lips against Alex. For that single moment Alex feels completely loved. Loved unconditionally. Like he is cherished, as if he matters, as if for some reason he is important to someone. Anyone.

Kevin’s kiss is soft and tender, with his lips parted just a little, as his fingers gently caress Alex’s face. It’s intimate and so incredibly sweet. Kevin is still inside him, but not moving, for just a few moments it’s about him, Alex Grodin, it’s about expressing love and it touches Alex deeply. When the kiss ends, he opens his eyes.

He can see how blue Kevin’s eyes are and they look at him with confusion and care.
“I don’t know what we’re doing…. But I don’t care…. I love you so much….” Kevin whispers. And he slowly starts to move again and Alex follows him, unable to look away and Kevin closes his eyes, delight on his face as he moves faster and Alex lets himself go.

When the peak hits, it hits them almost simultaneously. And for a while Alex experiences total happiness, cloud 9, total ecstasy, complete free-fall…. It makes his head spin, all his senses are scrambled. He can’t think, he can’t talk, he can only FEEL. It is too overwhelming. He cries softly and once Kevin notices he’s crying, Kevin panics as only Kevin can.

“Did I hurt you?” His eyes are big with fear. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I'm SO sorry.” Kevin is now nearly in tears too, shocked that he might have hurt Alex and Alex just melts.

“You didn’t, Kev, stop worrying… I’m happy. That’s all.” Alex says with a smile, caressing the curls away that stick on Kevin wet forehead. “It was great. Perfect.”
“Really?” Kevin’s voice is uncertain and Alex can only nod and smile as he snuggles up to Kevin….

… and it’s over. Ben is done.
“That was great. You’re terrific.” Alex says, looking up at Ben with a smile. Ben returns the smile smugly and Alex slips off the bed and comes back with some champagne.
“To Rio.” Alex laughs, sipping from his glass, watching as Ben downs the champagne with ease.

They kiss and cuddle and Ben is soon asleep and Alex sits up on the side of the bed. He looks down on the sleeping Ben. And he’s sad. So sad. He’s tired, very tired. And he cannot remember ever feeling more alone. He gets up and climbs the stairs. The sun is hot and for a moment Alex lets the warmth on his skin, but he stays cold inside.

He unscrews the cap from the gasoline-tank that he brought on board 'just in case' and starts to spray it on the deck. The whiteness of the boat in combination with the glistening gasoline sting his eyes. He knows what he has to do. He goes back down to the small room and sitting on the bed he watches Ben.
And remembers a night 17 years ago when….

… he’s watching Kevin’s sleeping form, on the bed they shared for the first time. He cries. He cannot stop. What has he done? Why has he allowed this? Kevin is the best thing in his life and he now he ruined the most precious person in his life. Kevin is sweet, kind, caring and always there. Why did he have to sully Kevin with his dirty body?

He shouldn’t have let Kevin inside him. He is dirty. That is what his dad had always told him. He was bad, dirty, useless. He had known all along that his father was not his real father. His parents had tried to have a baby but the baby never came. And one night his mother came home after work… and she got shoved against her car and pushed inside.

Her attacker hit her several times and all that remained was pain, humiliation and nine months later… Alex. And to his mother and “father” Alex was dirty and bad just like his real father. His “father” NEVER made him forget that. And there IS something really wrong with him, he knows it. He cannot FEEL anything.

At least, he never could. He watched motionlessly how his father fought with his mother, he retreated into a world of his own when it was his turn to get his father’s drunken wrath. He never had friends, no one looked after him. And even though his mother loved him, she also hated him for being a memory of the man who raped her.

He was so used to being alone that his mother’s leaving didn’t matter that much to him. He didn’t care about anything until that one smile. He had entered the classroom and everyone had looked at him as if he were an insect, all except one. Kevin Walker. Biggest blue eyes and the sweetest smile. Alex had planned to just use him to help him through math, like he used everything and everyone.

But Kevin…. … Kevin touched him. Kevin made him FEEL. When Kevin smiled, Alex’s world brightened. When Kevin was sad, Alex’s world darkened. And when Kevin put an arm around him for comfort, Alex felt safe. As safe as he can be in Alex’s world, this dark, cold world that Kevin doesn’t know anything about.

Kevin doesn’t really know him. Doesn’t know the Alex who walks the streets late at night, until he finds someone willing to pay his price. Then he gets into the car and lets it happen. As long as he gets money for it. Because he’s dirty and useless and unimportant and no matter how hard he tries, his world is darker than the light Kevin can bring.

But now all that is ruined. He has violated Kevin’s beauty, Kevin’s innocence. He has shown his true colors to Kevin. And now Kevin is in danger. For now he has no choice. He has to protect himself. With trembling fingers his hands make a noose of one’s of Kevin’s ties. And slipping it over Kevin’s head is easy.

Kevin is completely knocked out by the sleeping-pill that Alex put in his drink. He doesn’t react when Alex lifts his head or starts to tighten the noose. His eyes remain closed, his sleep too deep to wake up from, as the noose closes around his throat. But Alex’s hands shake harder and harder.

“Kevin! Wake up!” Alex screams. “Do something! Stop me!” He cries. “Stop me! Please!” But Kevin doesn’t move. As the noose is close to his skin, Kevin moans in his sleep, his face turns to Alex and he smiles. He smiles in his sleep as Alex’s fingertips touch his skin. Alex’s touch makes him smile. Alex tears the noose loose and crawls away from Kevin.

He sits in his chair, shaking all over. He cannot kill Kevin. His “father”, yes. But not Kevin, not Kevin. He is cold and his teeth are chattering. His hands are trembling as he keeps wringing the noose between his hands. Not Kevin. He loves Kevin. Kevin is the only one who always loved him, never betrayed him. Not Kevin. Not Kevin….

It is sobering him up. He cannot kill Kevin. He sits up straight and puts on his clothes. He has to get away from Kevin. Far away and never come back. Maybe San Francisco or further away. But where to? And how? He goes through Kevin’s drawers looking for some paper to write on, a pen to write with. And he finds the envelope. A little over 5000 dollars he counts.

“I’m sorry, Kev. So sorry.” He whispers in the dark as he puts the money in his pocket. He returns to the bed one more time to caress Kevin’s curls, to put a small kiss to his lips…
“I love you.” He says quietly, pressing his hand to his mouth not to cry again.
“Love you too.” Kevin murmurs in his sleep and brokenhearted Alex leaves Kevin’s room.

And now he looks down on Ben and he sighs deeply. He snuggles up to Ben and holds him close, Ben’s back against his chest, but Ben doesn’t really wake up. He presses a kiss to Ben’s neck.
“I’m sorry. So sorry.” Alex whispers, as the darkness within him closes around them. Alex cries softly.

15 minutes later there’s a loud explosion as the fire Alex started hits the fuel tanks. The boat is blown into small bits of debris, which is all that the rescue-workers find when they finally arrive on the scene. The helicopter hovers around, a rescue boat searches, but not a sign of either Ben or Alex is found.

Tags: character - kevin, character - scotty, series - happy now?

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