the random word generator: disaster
Disclaimer: Brothers & Sisters is not mine, I know. Stop rubbing it in.
Nearly twenty years ago:
Nora sits down. Alright, she will finally admit it. The garden is a disaster-area. She had all these plans in her head, all these ideas, but now her energy seems to have faded. Only a week ago, her life had been perfect and now, it no longer was. All over these few little words: “Mom, I’m gay.” They had rocked her life, her marriage, her garden... her world.
She is not angry at Kevin. It’s not Kevin’s fault. He is who and what he is and he can’t change that. This.... His.... There, see, she can’t even think it. Nora feels guilty because she knows, that she said it’s okay, that she loves him, that all will be alright, ... and it is, she does and it will, but, RIGHT NOW, she wishes he was not gay.
Is she a bad mother? Is she a hypocrite? She doesn’t think so. She has accepted that Kevin will one day came home with a boyfriend, that he will fall in love with a man. Kevin is still welcome in this house and so will be the one who captures his heart, regardless of who this... man... will be. But she can’t help it.
Sometimes she wishes it’s a just a dream and that she wakes up and that Kevin is straight. Because she knows that there will be enough hurdles in life without adding those of being gay, in a world where it is still not completely understood and accepted. She wants Kevin to be safe. She read the stories of gay men murdered for what they are and she’s scared.
She doesn’t want Kevin to be different. But at the same time she has to acknowledge that he is who he is. He is her son, her boy and she loves him. She loves him and she has faith in him. Kevin will not always make the right decisions, but they will be HIS decisions and he will make them freely and openly. He will never have to hide who is her from her. Never.
She straightens her back. The garden is a disaster-area and that has to change, because when Kevin will introduce his boyfriend, this place must be a garden of Eden and a safe place for Kevin to be. And that will require a lot of hard work...
Nora looks at her grand-children playing in the pool. Paige and Cooper scream as if there’s a contest as to who is the loudest. Scotty tosses Cooper into the air and Cooper disappears under water and a few seconds later re-emerges back a huge grin on his face.
“Again!” He yells, but Scotty is adamant. No more. He’s tired.
Nora watches as Kevin helps Scotty out of the water, a huge smile on his face. As Paige and Cooper go on to tease each other, Kevin throws a towel around Scotty’s shoulders, pulls him into an embrace and steals a kiss. Nora sees Sarah looking over her sunglasses at the two young men kissing. She has a broad smile on her face. She’s happy for her brother.
Paige and Cooper now beg Justin and Rebecca to come into the swimming-pool and Justin gets up, runs towards the pool. On his path he passes Kevin and Scotty, for a few moments Justin’s hands rests on Scotty’s shoulder, he makes a comment Nora cannot hear, but she sees how Kevin and Scotty laugh at Justin, before Justin jumps into the pool.
Nora catches the look of love and tenderness Kevin and Scotty share and she smiles. Only this morning Scotty told her how happy he was, that he could be himself in this house. Unlike with his own parents, where he felt like he was doing ‘something wrong’ if he would so much as look at Kevin.
She had only smiled. She never told anyone about her own struggles with Kevin’s identity. And she’s happy, because this disaster of a garden of twenty years ago, has now become a place where Kevin likes to be with his husband, with his brothers and sisters, his niece and nephew. A place where he can be himself and be with Scotty without being frowned upon. A safe place.