Disclaimer: B&S doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: Scotty finds Julia near the coffee-machine in the hospital
Spoilers: up to 3.10!!
When Scotty walks in to the small room where the coffee-machine is, he finds Julia just sitting there in the corner. She made herself as little as possible, trying not to be noticed. He pours some coffee for himself and, after a little hesitation some for Julia as well. He hands it to her and for a moment she seems undecided whether she should take it or not, but then she reaches out and her hand slides around the hot coffee cup.
She looks up at him and Scotty sees his own fears reflected in her eyes. The fear of losing someone you love. To know that, there, on one of those tables, in one of those rooms, one of the most important persons, it not the most important person in your life is undergoing surgery. And he knows, deep in his heart, that he should have faith and that operations like that happen more often and usually with good results, but there is that little nagging voice that goes on and on...
“I had to get away...” Julia says, her voice raw with tiredness. “... all those Walkers are just talking and talking and.... talking... and I just want them to shut up!” Scotty plays with his coffee, quietly, and he hears Julia say very softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that I wanted you to shut up....”
Scotty smiles a bit sad and confesses:
“I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to listen to people talking anymore either... I’m too tired to think up more standard answers. And what am I supposed to tell you? How am I to tell you that Lizzie will just fine, when I scared to death of how things will go with Kevin? I’m not a good liar.”
Julia looks at Scotty, who’s staring at the floor. No, he’s not a good liar and he’s also not very good at hiding how afraid he is. And Walkers smell fear. And they will shower you will all there well meant love and affection, they will be there for you, whether you need them or not, whether you want them there or not.
Oh, she loves them, really she does, but in times like this they tend to suffocate her, they get on her nerves and she just wants to throw things at them or yell at them. And what makes it worse, is the knowledge that they would forgive her if she did, because that’s who they are. Loving, caring, forgiving, they fight, they make up and life goes on. But at this moment her life has come to a screeching halt. And nothing will be alright until Lizzie is alright.
“So? How are you coping with it?” She asks and Scotty doesn’t immediately reply and she wonders if maybe the question was just in her head and not uttered in words.
“I feel like I’m holding my breath until someone comes to tell me Kevin will be alright.” Scotty eventually replies.
“...That Lizzie made it through alright...” Julia softly says.
“...That I can see him...”
“...Hold his hand...”
“...Caress her hair...”
“...I want to be there when he wakes up....”
“...Tell her that everything will be fine...”
“...I’m so scared.”
Sitting beside each other, the silence hangs between them. Scotty heard her every soft spoken word and reluctantly Julia places her hand on Scotty’s, because she heard her own fear in his voice.
“I’m grateful that Kevin was willing to do this.”
“I think that Lizzie is a brave little girl. She already had so many hurdles.”
Julia sighs deeply and her voice is strained when she says:
“I already lost little William.... If I would lose Elizabeth, I don’t know what I’d do...” Scotty remains quiet, he doesn’t know what to say. He cannot imagine what it must be like to lose one child, let alone a second one. “Have you thought about....? If Kevin would....?” She doesn’t finish, suddenly realizing it would maybe be a very inappropriate question. Scotty shakes his head.
“Kevin wanted to talk about it, but.... I didn’t.” She nods, understanding. There is another silence between them. Not an unpleasant one, just one that proves that they don’t need words to explain how they feel. Scotty shifts a bit and puts an arm around her. She rests her head against his shoulder. They are both quiet and enjoy the peaceful silence in here, with the only sound left being the sound of the softly humming coffee-machine.