It’s a question of trust. Part 5/5 part 2/2
Rate: NC-17 for sexual content.
Disclaimer: B&S doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: part 5 – in which Scotty doesn't give up
Extra: takes place between 2.12 and 2.14 somewhere.
Inspiration: Depeche Mode – A question of lust.
As it is too long, I must chop it up in 2 pieces.
Kevin cannot believe that Scott is really gone. The silence is overwhelming. And the horror of the last two days begins to sink in. He lost Scotty. But this is what he wanted, no? He stares at the door, but it stays shut. He tries the sentences in his head. Scotty is gone. We broke up. Scotty is not coming back. No more Scotty. He can’t hurt Scotty anymore. He can’t love him anymore either. It feels odd. Unsettling.
Wrong. Very, very wrong.
With certainty he suddenly knows that this is NOT what he wanted at all. He wants Scotty in his life, in this room, in his bed, in his arms and then never let go of him again. He grabs his t-shirt and quickly puts it on. He has to find Scotty and tell him… something, anything, to make him stay. That he is stupid, ... but then Scotty already knows that.
He puts on the first pair of trousers he can find and dresses up further. Wondering what he can say to Scotty to make him come back to him. He takes his car-keys and wants to open the door, but the door gives in more easily than usual, because at the same time Scotty enters the room. Kevin, surprised by Scotty’s sudden presence, takes a step back, but with the speed he already had, he loses balance and falls back on the bed.
“I’m sorry, Kevin Walker, but we are not done fighting.” Scotty warns him.
“Scotty!” Kevin can’t believe he came back this time. The other times Scotty had walked away and had not come back. This time he has! “You’re here.” He says surprised.
“Why wouldn’t I be back? You’re my boyfriend and I love you and I’m not giving up.” Scotty says.
Kevin quickly gets up and without a second thought he walks up to Scotty, wraps his arms around him and kisses him. For a moment Scotty is taken by surprise. His hands hang in the air for several seconds before he puts them on Kevin’s waist to pull him closer. Kevin pushes his body against Scotty’s, at the same time he makes his kisses even deeper.
Scotty doesn’t fully understand what is going on and his frustration at being pushed away and then pulled closer again take control. His grip on Kevin tightens as he pushes Kevin back to the bed. They tumble on it. There is hardly enough place for the two of them, but Scotty doesn’t plan on giving Kevin too much room to move anyway.
Pinned underneath Scotty, Kevin moans softly as he feels Scotty anger and frustration translate itself to hungry painful kisses. Scotty is usually a tender, caring lover, but this time he claims Kevin with a ruthlessness that should scare Kevin, but only turns him on even more. Without hesitation he offers his lips and his throat as he feels Scotty use his weight and body to keep Kevin down on the bed.
He spreads his legs, so Scotty can be between them, grinding him into the mattress. Kevin pushes back to show he doesn’t mind. On top of Kevin, it takes Scotty’s breath away to feel his own frustration and desire answered by an equal amount of anger and longing. He doesn’t want to wait any further. He wants Kevin right now.
“Take off your clothes.” Scotty orders, as he gets up to take off his. Kevin replies with a speed that betrays his eagerness and Scotty is amazed by his own forcefulness. Kevin’s breathing is shallow as he lies back on the bed, naked, and within seconds Scotty is on top of him again. Lips find each other, bodies come into contact and hands find their ways where they know they can bring pleasure.
Their kisses are not as tender as usual, there touches not as gentle. Every movement is filled with the fights they had these last two days. It is the combination of their deep intense love for each other and their inability to express that love, in such a way, that the other one will accept how unconditional it actually is.
With his mouth close to Kevin’s ear and in a low voice Scotty orders softly:
“Turn over. I want you on hands and knees.” Scotty can feel the tremor run through Kevin and the way he jerks up against Scotty’s body signals his lack of objection. But as Scotty crawls up to give Kevin some space to turn, Kevin’s eyes become big with shock.
“Scotty! I have nothing here to ….” Of course not. Until this evening the mere thought of having sex in William’s house would have scared the living daylights out of him. But Scotty picks up his coat and from the inner-pocket he takes a tube and a condom. Kevin feels slightly disappointed.
“Did you…? Did you p-plan to just lucky tonight? With just … anybody?” he asks, worried.
But Scotty shakes his head slowly, returning back to his position on the bed.
“No, I came here with the clear, deliberate plan to fuck you.” He replies calmly. Kevin is shocked, for Scotty hardly ever uses the f-word, because he finds it sounds so love-less and, yet, hearing it coming from his lips it sounds so … sexy.
Kevin licks his lips, his throat suddenly too dry, he whispers:
“Then don’t let anyone stop you.”
“That was a part of my plan as well.” Scotty replies with a little smile and within seconds Kevin finds out that Scotty’s plans are obviously all about driving him absolutely crazy.
Scotty’s fingers know how to bring Kevin pleasure and have him balance between sheer hell and sheer heaven. And it doesn’t take long for Kevin to beg for more and Scotty is not sadistic enough to withhold from Kevin what he wants so badly. The first few thrusts take Scotty’s breath away and judging from the noises Kevin makes the feeling is mutual.
Scotty holds Kevin’s hips tightly with such strength that he’s convinced that Kevin will have bruises tomorrow, but he can’t stop long enough to be softer and gentler with Kevin. He claims Kevin with a passion he never knew he had. And Kevin apparently didn’t expect it either, for he sees Kevin’s fingers curl around the pillow, finding enough leverage to push back with equal desire.
Scotty sees the sweat form on Kevin’s back and caresses along Kevin’s spine, making him jerk underneath and around him. Scotty immediately takes his hand away, not wanting to lose control too fast, but he’s too fascinated with the silk-like shine on Kevin’s back and he can’t stop watching Kevin’s muscles react from his touch.
“Please, Scotty.” Kevin’s whispered request makes Scotty stop his thrusting, which was not what Kevin wanted, the disappointed moan is quickly silenced when Scotty pulls Kevin back up against him, forces him to turn his head as far as he can and kisses him. But Kevin stops the kiss to resume his position and show Scotty what he really wants by moving closer against Scotty.
With a soft noise, Scotty reprises his thrusting. He had hoped that the short stop would make him less excited, but it didn’t. He only more aroused and no longer holding back he pushes into Kevin. It is no longer about love or passion, but about a longing to claim, to own, to command and to take control.
Kevin cannot find enough grip on the sheets to counter Scotty’s ‘attack’. He is caught between total lust and desire and an irrational fear. The fear that at any moment the door will fling open and his father will be there, seeing him, being angry at him, hating him for being gay. In this house Kevin never even kissed his boyfriends, always leaving the door open to not be misunderstood in his intentions.
And now the door was closed. Scotty was deep inside of him. He was moaning far louder than was good for him. He is begging, crying, and there’s a not single thing his father can do stop him. It empowers him, gives him the feeling that in this house he is finally allowed to be who he is. He feels liberated from his father’s ghost. His entire body trembles as he gives into the orgasm that rages through him and behind him he can hear Scotty, obviously losing himself as well.
Scotty wipes away the wetness on Kevin’s cheek.
“I’m sorry I was rough with you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He apologizes, thinking Kevin is upset over their love-making, but Kevin shakes his head.
“You didn’t hurt me. You made everything right.” He replies, gently caressing Scott’s side.
“I did?” Scotty asks surprised.
“I love you.” Kevin replies.
“And I love you.” Scotty confirms again. “But Kevin, we cannot break up every time we have a disagreement or a misunderstanding. We are adult, not little children.”
“Coming from the guy who walked out on me twice, without giving me a chance to reply, this is a bit….” Kevin looks for a good word.
“Touchee.” Scotty concedes. “But if you love me, why did you break up with me?”
Kevin has to admit that is a good question and he remains quiet to think about the question and come up with an answer.
“I guess, it’s because I’m afraid.” He eventually answers.
“Yes. No. I mean, of what you do to me. My desire to protect you from all bad things…. Including myself.” Shocked by Kevin’s low opinion of himself, Scotty sits up.
“But you are not evil or bad.” He says. Kevin shrugs.
“You were right, my family is not exactly the best example for ‘faithful relationships’. My dad cheated on mom, Sarah came this close to cheating, Kitty slept with Warren while being with Jonathan, Tommy slept with Lena, Justin cheated on Tyler and Rebecca kissed Sarah’s husband…. Well, you know I cheated on Chad and Jason. You were the one I cheated with.” Kevin sums up.
“Yes, and all this time I was the perfect example of faithfulness.” Scotty says cynically. “I’ve done my share of cheating too. But I’ve reached a point where I know how much damage I inflict by cheating, because I’ve been cheated on and I know how deeply it affected me. You can’t be faithful to anything unless you know why you should. And I found my reason.”
“Sounds more like you lost your senses. I’m not sure…. I don’t want to be like dad…” Kevin is choked up with tears.
“And you won’t be… Because in your heart, you are Nora’s son. You give yourself for a 100 percent and you are hurt if you don’t get that back.
That is the basic pain Nora has. She put all she had in this marriage. Body, heart, mind and soul. And she believed William did the same…And then she found out that she was wrong. He didn’t love her as much as she love him and it hurt her terribly. Sarah had a choice as well. She chose NOT to cheat on Joe, which is more courtesy than Joe showed her, when he kissed Rebecca.
I don’t know enough about Tommy or Justin to give a reply to their cheating, but I strongly doubt that Kitty would ever cheat on Robert. And if she ever found out he cheated on her, she will be devastated and she will kill him. Because like Nora and Sarah and you, she gives it all she has too. Seems like all you Walkers are really looking for someone to be as committed to them as they can be to their partner.”
Kevin stays quiet for a moment and then his voice sounds so little:
“But what if I fail?”
“What if you don’t fail?”
“Mom said I had a chance on happiness and I should take it.”
“Then take you chance, Kevin… I am willing to give it all I have. I’ve had my doubts, but no more. I love you. I’m willing to fight, but I can’t fight for this relationship without your help. The big question is, Kevin, are you willing to make the same commitment to me. Can you give yourself again, for the full 100%?” Scotty asks.
“Kev, do you think that Scotty doesn’t trust you about the cheating? Or that you cannot convey your sincerity to him, because you don’t trust yourself?”
Jason’s words come back to Kevin and inside him he knows the answer. He HAS to trust himself on this, for every decision he makes will be HIS choice. And he knows that he can be faithful to Scotty. It’s not that hard. He doesn’t desire another man. Not even Jason.
“Yes…. Yes. It think I can do that. I love you and I know we can make it together.” He says with certainty in his voice. The smile on Scotty’s face is worth it and he bends over to Kevin to kiss him softly. His nose rubs softly against Kevin’s as he caresses his Kevin’s cheek. For a moment Kevin’s eyes are closed but then he opens them to look at Scotty and Scotty sees so much tenderness there, that it chokes him up again. How could he ever think that Kevin was cheating?
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” He suddenly asks. Feeling a bit drowsy Kevin asks:
“What are you referring to?”
“That you’d rather drink a glass of water with me then champagne without me?”
“Yes… Although I have some pretty good memories of drinking champagne with you.” Kevin grins.
“You know. Maybe you should … make reservations at some fancy hotel once. Just for you and me.” Scotty suggests carefully. The words sink in with Kevin. Scotty is silently, awkwardly, agreeing to letting him pay for it. His face lights up.
“Really? …. Can I order lobster and champagne to our room?” He asks eagerly.
“Only if we can also watch Sebastian in “The little mermaid”.” Scotty replies with a smile.
“Deal…… Although something tells me we won’t really get to see that movie…. When?... When will be your first Saturday night off?” Kevin asks. Scotty thinks for a second.
“Three weeks from now.” He replies.
“Three weeks?! Alright,… I love spontaneous actions.”
They both giggle under the blanket at the silliness of their conversation.
“Can we go home now?” Scotty asks.
“Why? I’m fine where I am.” Kevin replies.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit…. cramped… in here.”
“I’ve slept with my teddy-bear in this bed for 12 years, alright? And though this ….” He pulls Scotty closer to him. “… teddy-bear is a bit bigger, I’m willing to bet we can sleep here together. We don’t need that much space.”
“Not sure I like to be compared to a teddy-bear. Don’t know what you did with yours, but mine…”
“Spare me the details…” Kevin laughs and then more serious, but not much. “I would always suck on his ear, but with you…. I’d be more than willing to try for … other options?” He can feel Scotty shake with laughter in his arms, before Scotty replies with:
“Can we perhaps try sleeping together? I’m exhausted.”
Kevin nods and snuggles up to Scotty. An arm around his waist, their legs entangled, they share the pillow. Scotty can feel Kevin’s breath on his skin and gently caresses Kevin’s hair. Kevin replies with a small kiss on Scotty’s cheek. They will never know who fell asleep first, but then that was never their biggest worry.
Nora feels disappointed as she sees that the food she prepared for Kevin is still in the kitchen, uneaten. Not even a few bites. She sighs and catches the look on Justin’s face. There is a mix of concern and fighting spirit on his face.
“We have to make him eat something, mom.” He says and she nods. She knows.
She grabs the plate and goes up the stairs, immediately followed by Justin. She walks up to Kevin’s door and Justin opens the door for her and goes in first. She’s just about to say something when Justin covers her mouth with his hand and places his finger against his lips to motion to her to be quiet. Then he points at the bed.
There, on the one-person’s bed, Kevin and Scotty sleep together. There is not much space, but they don’t need any more. Nora feels choked up. Kevin is in Scotty’s arms and obviously feeling quite safe there, judging by the broad smile on his face. God, he looks 10 years younger. She looks up at Justin only to find her youngest equally touched.
Justin takes his mother by the waist and pushes her back out of the room. She keeps staring at the two on the bed until Justin quietly closes the door.
“Looks like Kev has all the food he needs.” Justin grins and Nora nods.
“They made up.” She says relieved and she wipes away a tear of happiness.
“I think they did.” Justin laughs, for his eyes had caught Scotty’s open bag and the tube of lube beside it. He can guess the rest.
“You know what this means, don’t you?” Nora says. Justin nods and digs up his phone from his pocket, watching his mother take her own telephone.
“Tommy, guess what…” Justin starts.
“Sarah, you won’t believe it….” Comes Nora’s voice in the background……….