It’s a question of trust. Part 5/5 part 1/2.
Disclaimer: B&S doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: part 5 – in which Scotty doesn't give up.
Extra: takes place between 2.12 and 2.14 somewhere.
Inspiration: Depeche Mode – A question of lust.
As it is too long, I must chop it up in 2 pieces.
The door to Kevin’s room opens softly. He wakes up at the smell of soup.
“Mom, I already told you that chicken soup doesn’t help against a broken heart.”
“I’m insulted. It’s my vegetable soup and you should be able to tell the difference by now.” A voice behind him says.
“Scotty!” Kevin turns over and sits up.
“Yes, … we need to talk.”
“There is nothing left to talk about.”
“That is your opinion. I have a different one.”
“Why am I not surprised?” is Kevin’s sarcastic reply. Scotty puts the soup on the side table near the bed.
“This is going nowhere, Kevin. I’m very unhappy and you don’t look ecstatic about your new-found freedom either.”
Kevin stays quiet. He can’t argue that. He IS unhappy. He looks at Scotty, dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt, and Scotty seems to have slept as bad as he did.
“Why don’t you take some soup?” Scotty suggests, but Kevin shakes his head. “What are you going to do, Kevin? Starve yourself? Your mom said that you haven’t eaten a proper meal in two days now.” Scotty asks, sitting down at the foot of the bed.
“What do you care?”
“Excuse me? I’m your boyfriend.”
“We broke up.”
“We have a difference of opinion on that.” Scotty corrects.
“We do.” Scotty says with confidence and Kevin is too tired to fight this.
“Whatever.” He replies shrugging, he knows that will irritate Scotty, but he does it anyway.
“First, I would like to apologize for the way I treated you. It was uncalled for. And I can only blame myself and my worries about Jason…..” Scotty starts, ignoring Kevin’s careless attitude.
“What IS your obsession with Jason about anyway?” Kevin wonders out loud.
“Jason, unlike your other boyfriends, is real.” Scotty says softly.
“What?” Kevin shakes his head, not quite understanding what Scotty says.
“All my boyfriends are real. You met Chad Barry. You shook hands with him.”
“Chad is an actor. They don’t really exist….. Well, of course they DO, but actors are on your screen, they are fantasies, not real. If I see him on the screen I cannot match him with the Chad you told me about… They are like two different characters... I know, it makes no sense…..” Scotty pauses and tries to put it into better words:
“Your other boyfriends are names, pictures in a frame or a photo-album… Paper. Letters. I can ‘store’ them in a box and forget about them. But Jason….” Frustrated Scotty comes off the bed and gesturing with his hands he explains:
“Jason is an entirely different thing. I had front row tickets to that relationship of yours. You considered me a friend and you talked about Jason incessantly. You talked about his work, his opinions, his clothes, his family, his relationship with Robert. I had to listen to you telling me about your first time together, the little trips you took. He was just perfect for you.
And then I watched all the enthusiasm go away. And I saw you were in pain. I was there. And then we slept together and, I know, that was a stupid move on my part, because it put me right where I wanted to be, but should not have been. In your arms….”
I really believed it was just a one night thing, a drunken act. You needed somebody, anybody and this body was there for the taking… That is all I was, just a body…. or so I felt.” He adds hesitantly as he sees Kevin shake his head.
“When you told me you broke up with Jason and you wanted me back, I was just so happy. And yet, I couldn’t shake this feeling that you did it out of guilt and I admit, I sometimes felt like I owed it to you. And this voice in my head kept telling me not to take what we had seriously, because one day Jason would be back….. And once Jason would be back and you’d see him, talk to him and be able to touch him… You’d forget all about me.”
“And Jason came back, just as you worried about.” Kevin says slightly annoyed. “And I chose you! I thought I made that clear enough. I chose you. I am not in love with Jason McCallister. Not anymore. That morning in the car, I promised I wouldn’t make plans with him and I didn’t. I never have and I never will. I love you. What more should I do? What more CAN I do to prove that?” Kevin’s voice has grown louder and Scotty bites his lip.
“You’re right. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry I accused you. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you. .. I made. A. Mistake.” Scotty punctuates.
“Yes. You. Did.” Kevin bites back in his usual sarcastic tone. Scotty steps back, wondering if Kevin is teasing him or still angry with him. Kevin doesn’t seem to be too sure either, for he swallows hard and looks as if he knows he just over-reacted. Scotty decides to ignore Kevin’s last words.
“I don’t know in how many more ways I can apologize. I feel very stupid. It is just… he’s so perfect for you and you would always talk about all the fun you two had, like when the two of you could occasionally escape his duties and book some expensive hotel and just enjoy life…. The things I know you enjoy and you are no longer doing.”
“Trust me Scotty, I would love to do that. I would love to book a room in an expensive hotel and spoil you all weekend. But I don’t dare to even suggest it, because you might have issues with that.” Kevin sounds so annoyed that Scotty falls silent for a few seconds.
“So, now I’m ruining your fun as well.” Scotty finally sums up, sounding defeated. He turns to the window and looks outside, it’s dark but the garden lights create enough light to see the pool.
Kevin slides off the bed and moves behind Scotty. His hands resting on Scotty’s hips, Kevin softly kisses his shoulder through the cotton of Scotty’s t-shirt he replies:
“No, you never did. Don’t you know, that I’d rather drink a glass of water with you, than champagne without you? What’s the fun doing something outrageous if your partner won’t enjoy it?”
His cheek caresses Scotty’s shoulder and he can feel Scotty shiver under his touch. There is the intoxicating scent that is Scotty’s and that Kevin so loves. Scotty relaxes in his arms and leans against him. Kevin feels the strong desire to just claim a kiss from Scotty’s lips. But then suddenly he releases Scotty and turns away. They broke up. And as intoxicating as being with Scotty was, Scotty was no longer his to kiss.
And suddenly Kevin feels desperate. He wants to be with Scotty… If only he could just say….
“Kevin? Kevin, can’t you please just kiss me, so we can forget about this? Please.” Scotty begs, but Kevin shakes his head. He can’t. He’ll only hurt Scotty in the end, better get it over with now. He turns back to Scotty, who looks at him, eyes wide with hope and expectation.
“I can’t.” Kevin says quietly. “It would be wrong. You’re better off without me. Now please, just leave. Leave and don’t come back.” His voice is harsh. He can see Scotty swallow hard, his lips making a ‘no’, but there’s not a sound. The pain is so clearly written on his face that Kevin has to turn away, so he doesn’t have to see it and so he cannot change his mind. Behind him Scotty grabs his coat and leaves Kevin’s room…..
Scotty gets to halfway the stairs, before he sinks down. This cannot happen! Everything inside him tells him this is wrong. He should not leave. He feels as if he can’t breathe, his heart is beating way to fast. His stomach is in nods and he wants to throw up and has to really swallow hard, not to lose the little food he ate today.
With his hands before his face, he breaths in and out, finding his rhythm again until his heartbeat is back to normal. When looks up, he can see, in the soft light of the hall, the picture of William hanging on the wall. Scotty looks at it with intensity, feeling he missed something. William’s face almost seems to smirk at him.
Though Scotty is usually not the one to carry grudges, there is something in seeing William’s face in this light that sparks his anger and he begins to realize that he hates that man. Scotty had seen the pain inflicted to Nora, Sarah, Tommy, Justin and he’d seen, to lesser extent, Kitty’s pain, but what that man had done to Kevin…..
“He is convinced that in the long run, you’ll get hurt. If you are sure disaster will strike you, it will. If you are focused on cheating being the reason to destroy your loved one, it will…And I hope you will not give up fighting for him. He deserves it. He’s been told for too many years, that he is not worth it.”
Jason’s words come back to him and he knows that Jason is right about this. Kevin needs someone who will fight for him. And that is exactly what he will do. He gets up, still a bit shaky.
The picture is still there, the light shifted and the smirk has left William’s face.
“That’s right, you bastard. You’re not going to win this one.” Scotty says resolutely.
End of part 1 of 5/5