It’s a question of trust. Part 4/5. By Marea67 About:
6 Walkers, 2 McCallisters, 2 Harpers, 1 Wandell, oh, and Jordan of course. Rate:
B&S doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money. Summary:
part 4 – Everyone has an opinion. Inspiration:
Depeche Mode – A question of lust.
“Here, honey, I brought you some soup.” Nora says as she carefully maneuvers through Kevin’s room. It’s dark in here, now that the night has fallen.
“Chicken-soup? The cure to all aches and pains?” Kevin asks, a bit sarcastic, but also touched.
“Can’t think of anything better.” Nora says cheerful.
“It can’t cure a broken heart, mom.” Kevin’s voice sounds muffled and Nora turns on one of the lights beside his bed. Kevin is under the covers, his back is turned at her, but when he turns over a bit, she sees his eyes are all swollen.
“It hurts, doesn’t it?” she says softly.
“Like hell.” Kevin replies.
“Kevin, is there nothing you can do to….?”
“No, mom, there isn’t. This was going nowhere. We would always have this trust issues between us. Regardless of what I do, where I am, who I am with, Scotty will always see me as my father’s son. He was right. Cheating is not uncommon in this family.”
Nora sighs. Kevin is not like his father at all. Why can’t Scotty see this? Oh, she knows, she must not interfere, but what is a mother to do when your son is hurting like this? She softly caresses Kevin’s hair, the back of his neck and his naked shoulder. And she is suddenly reminded how she would do this years ago, when Kevin came out. She has not seen him this devastated since, until now.
“Kevin, you love Scotty…”
“It’s not enough, mom. I can love him all I want, but eventually this will destroy us both. It’s better to stop it now…. Can you please leave me alone?”
“Sure, honey.” She caresses his hair one more time and then quietly leaves the room, feeling completely unable to help her son.
“Oh, Scotty. That completely sucks.” Is Jordan’s heartfelt reply after hearing Scotty’s story. “I mean, how can he do this to you?”
“Jordan, I made a terrible mistake and I can’t fix it.” Scotty looks totally lost and Jordan’s heart breaks. Alright, Scotty should have trusted Kevin, should have discussed the topic, rather than make assumptions. But breaking up….
It suddenly also makes him realize something else.
“Poor Kevin. He must have taken this harder than I expected.” Jordan think out loud.
“Yes…” Scotty replies thoughtful. “But how does that help me or him and me? Jordan, I don’t know what to do. Should I go talk to him anyway? Should I just let him cool off a bit and then try? Or should I just…?” He shakes his head.
“Scratch that last thought! THAT is not an option.” Jordan assures him.
“How is he?” Justin asks as Nora returns to her kitchen.
“He is not taking this well.” Nora replies, worry written all over her face. He is just…. Broken.” Her voice trails off. And Justin gets worried. Last time Kevin ‘broke’ was 18 years ago, when he came out. A time that Justin remembers as the ‘cold war’ in their home. Where everyone talked to William and everyone talked to Kevin. But William and Kevin just didn’t talk to each other.
The first time that he had seen the many faces of Kevin Walker. And when he had learned that Kevin always wore a mask in the house. A smiling face, with bright eyes and a pleasant laughter that hid the shattered teen behind it. And now Justin is worried. Because he knows that Kevin loves Scotty. And losing Scotty will affect Kevin in ways he cannot image. And Justin loves his brother very much and he cannot stand to see Kevin hurting.
“What?” Tommy’s attitude changes from casually hanging back behind his desk to sitting up straight. “Are you absolutely sure?”
Justin nods. He doesn’t know what to do. But he does know that Tommy often took care of Kevin way back then.
“So I thought maybe you’d have some idea of what I can do? How I can help Kevin?”
Tommy feels trapped. There are things he and Sarah know, that Justin, Nora and Kitty don’t. He remembers driving Kevin home, Kevin spaced out on alcohol and something thrown in his drink. He remembers that Sarah nearly killed Kevin when Kevin defiantly told her that he had unprotected sex with other men, because no-one would care if he’d live or die.
It was the only time that Tommy saw Sarah lose herself in rage and he had to interfere in a fight between Kevin and Sarah, for fear that Sarah would seriously hurt Kevin. Those long forgotten memories of Kevin not being in control worry him. An out-of-control Kevin could do some serious damage, mainly to himself.
“Just keep watching him.” is all Tommy can say, not wanting to scare Justin or blab about certain things in Kevin’s past that Justin doesn’t need to know about. But Justin is no fool. The fact that Tommy doesn’t give him more information, makes him understand how serious Tommy is about watching Kevin….
“Kitty, can’t that brother-in-law of yours just stay the hell out of Kevin’s life.”
“Sarah, what are you talking about?” Kitty’s voice is so shocked, that Robert looks up from the letter he is reading.
“I just heard from Tommy. Kevin and Scotty broke up.”
“What?! Kevin and Scotty broke up?” Kitty nearly falls of her chair. Robert raises an eyebrow, he finds it hard to believe and somehow Kitty echoes him. “Impossible. Kevin adores Scotty.”
“Well, it’s over… thanks to Jason.”
“Why? What did Jason do?” Kitty asks and Robert sits up straight.
“I am not sure exactly, but I know it is Jason’s fault.” Sarah says with certainty. “He obviously interfered between Kevin and Scotty. Somehow. Someway. Kevin is devastated.” Kitty watches Robert slip out of the room. He obviously wants to give her and Sarah some privacy.
“Bobby!” Jason is happy that Robert calls him. With all the campaigning they hardly have time to talk to each other anymore.
“What the hell have you done?!” Robert barks.
“Excuse me?” Jason asks politely.
“Scotty and Kevin broke up and it is your fault. What did you do?”
“Me? Robert, I have no idea…. I talked to Scotty the other day and..”
“You have something going on with Scotty?” Robert is astounded.
“No!! What gave you that idea? I spoke to Scotty on the phone
, for the first time in three months and I haven’t seen or heard from Kevin at all
“Well, whatever happened, fix it. Because they broke up and you are getting the blame.” Jason is surprised by the harshness in Robert’s voice. Besides, why should he, Jason, care about Kevin and Scotty? All ties between him and Kevin are severed and he doesn’t really even know Scotty. This is too ridiculous for words. If Kevin and Scotty want to break up it is their issue and not his!
“Oh, Justin. I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand you want to keep an eye on Kevin. We can always see that movie some other day.” Rebecca says sweetly and she hangs up.
“Troubles at the Walkers?” Holly asks carefully. You never know what you could get sucked in to.
“Kevin and Scotty broke up.” Rebecca replies absent-mindedly. She had only seen Scotty twice, but he seemed like a very nice young man, with his head and his heart in the right place.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Holly replies. And Rebecca looks at her mother. Sometimes she doesn’t get Holly. “William loved Kevin very much. He thought the world of Kevin.” Rebecca’s jaw drops.
“That is not exactly what I heard.” She carefully says, not wanting to call her mother a liar.
“I know. The situation between William and Kevin was impossible for a long time. He had so many dreams for Kevin and when Kevin came out, William saw all those dreams go up in smoke.
I say this not to justify his reaction, but just to let you know that William loved Kevin. Unfortunately, by the time William had dealt with Kevin’s being gay, Kevin was done with William. They never completely mended the fences between them… And Kevin was never really happy at the house.
But I really thought that with this… Scotty, he had gotten rid of William’s cloud. I saw them together at Kitty’s wedding. I thought it was kind of weird to see Kevin so in love with another man and knowing in the back of my mind that William would just hate
it.” Upon seeing her daughter’s worried face, Holly warmly replies. “I hope Kevin can patch thing up with Scotty.” And Rebecca hopes the same.
The door to Kevin’s office opens abruptly and Kevin looks up, surprised. Lisa, his assistant, quickly apologizes.
“I’m so sorry. He just….” Her look is worried. Kevin waves her away, with an ‘it’s alright’, before turning to Jason and he wants to know:
“What do you think you’re doing barging in here like this?”
“I knew, that I would be turned down with a ‘he’s in a meeting’-excuse, if I called.”
“And for a good reason. So, again: Why are you here?”
“I got a very interesting phone-call from Robert.”
“Cool. Good for you.”
“Turns out I get to hear, (to my total surprise may I add), that you and Scotty broke up and the vile culprit of all this, is little old ME. Which is a very good trick, considering I haven’t spoken to or seen either of you in three months.” Just by mentioning Scotty’s name, Kevin deflates, almost shrivels up in front of Jason and Jason’s mocking tone immediately disappears as concern takes its place: “Kev, what happened?”
Kevin turns around to stare out of the window.
“You were the superficial reason for our fight. The deeper reason is a lack of trust between us.”
“Kevin, I swear, I spoke to him barely 2 minutes on the phone. There’s nothing going on between Scotty and me.” Jason tries carefully, not sure if this will make Kevin angrier or sadder. But Kevin starts to laugh. A humorless laughter that Jason is not used to hear.
“I know Scotty is not interested in you. And I think I can safely assume that you are not interested in Scotty?” Jason shakes his head. “The problem is that Scotty heard I was at the church the other day and in his mind it just became: Kevin + Jason + one church = hot sex in the confession-booth.” Jason raises an eyebrow. “And I considered it better not to tell him that you nixed that idea once, because you felt it would be unethical.”
A smile passes between them, before Kevin becomes all serious again. He sits at his desk and rubs his hands over his face.
“I don’t know what else to do, Jason. I understand now that Scotty will never fully trust me. So what is the point of hanging on to something you will lose eventually anyway.”
“Do you want me to talk to Scotty? Tell him that nothing happened between you and me?”
“No, I think he already got that from your telephone conversation.” Jason looks at Kevin for a long time. Kevin looks very tired, very sad and very lonely. And Jason’s heart just breaks for Kevin. He was no longer in love with Kevin, but he still cares about him and he knows that Kevin loves Scotty.
As he thinks everything over a question comes to his mind, he ignores it, but slowly realizes that he has to ask the question and so:
“Kev, I want to ask you something. You may not like the question?” Kevin nods that he understands as Jason asks him: “Kev, do you think that Scotty
doesn’t trust you about the cheating? Or that you cannot convey your sincerity to him, because you don’t trust yourself?”
Nora opens the door and sees a young man standing there. He’s a bit nervous and looking terribly uncomfortable.
“M…my name is Jordan. Are you Mrs Walker?” Nora nods. “I am a friend of Scotty’s and I wanted to talk Kevin, if he is in?”
“He is at his work. But, please, come in. How is Scotty?” She asks, leading the way to the kitchen.
“Devastated. He knows he made a mistake, but he loves Kevin. And I cannot understand why Kevin just gave up like that. He didn’t even give Scotty a chance to apologize.” Jordan replies, sitting down on one of the stools that Nora points at.
“Kevin is completely crushed. I haven’t seen him like this in 15-20 years.” Nora’s voice is serious but Jordan feels comfortable with her. He now understands why Scotty likes her so much.
“I came here to try to talk to Kevin about this. Scotty is so hurt. He understands he should have had more faith in Kevin, but now Kevin is so unforgiving that Scotty doesn’t know what to do.”
“Tell me something…. Jordan?...” Jordan nods and gives a quick nod as Nora puts a cup of coffee before him. “Did Scotty tell you what happened?”
“Yes, Mrs Walker….”
“Nora….. Then tell me what he told you and see if perhaps I can talk some sense into that son of mine.” Nora says with a smile.
“I just saw Kevin… at his office… strictly business, I swear.” Jason says, once Scotty let him in.
“Kevin told you.” Scotty’s smile is slightly cynical.
“No. Yes. He told me, after I got yelled at by Robert, who heard it from Kitty, who was on the phone with Sarah, who just got OFF the phone with Tommy, who had a discussion with Justin, who lives at Nora’s house and who shares Nora’s concern about Kevin’s welfare.”
“Good news travels fast in the Walker clan.” Scotty smirks.
“Bad news even faster and, you know, we all consider this bad news, … me included.” Jason sees the disbelief on Scotty’s face and wonders what he ever did to be so mistrusted by Scotty.
“Thank you.” Scotty replies politely.
“I mean it. Kevin is so hurt by all this.”
“He broke up with me. He didn’t have to.”
“Yes, he did.” Jason answers gently. “He is convinced that in the long run, you’ll get hurt. If you are sure disaster will strike you, it will. If you are focused on cheating being the reason to destroy your loved one, it will.”
“So, he’s putting me through hell now, so that it won’t happen in a few years?”
“Hey, I didn’t say his theory was perfect.” Jason sighs. “I just wanted you to know that Kevin loves you. Only you. And that he’s really hurt. And that I hope you will not give up fighting for him. He deserves it. He’s been told for too many years, that he is not worth it.”
Kevin is glad the meeting is over. He has a terrible head-ache and he is tired from the lack of sleep. He tells Lisa he’ll go home, feigns feeling feverish and he is glad when he is finally in his car. He switches on his telephone.
“Kevin, Tommy here. Don’t do anything foolish. Don’t go to a bar and get drunk. If you need someone else other than mom to talk to, Julia and I are home tonight.” (Clicking sound)
“Kev, honey, Justin and I will not be home tonight. Veterans-meeting and I think that Justin needs to be there.” (Clicking sound)
“Kevin, Jordan. Can you please talk to Scotty? He is devastated.” (Clicking sound)
“…………..”(Clicking sound) The silence is odd and Kevin checks the number, it is his home-number. It must have been Scotty. He swallows away the lump in his throat. He’s glad he doesn’t hear Scotty’s voice, for he would drive straight home and beg Scotty to take him back.
“Kev, I just spoke to Scotty who seems to be taking this all very badly. You can’t leave it like this. I am however not getting involved any further, seeing as some already believe I am responsible for your break-up in the first place. But if you really need a shoulder to cry on, the church is open until 10.30 pm. I’ve offered the same to Scotty, though…. I guess he has his own friends…”(Clicking sound)
Kevin smiles at Jason’s remark, so sweet of him, but he doubts that running to Jason would make the issue more transparent. He lets his head rest on the steering-wheel for a few moments. Right now, he just wants to go to his bed, pull the blankets over his head and wish the whole world away. Maybe that is just what he should do.
Scotty stares at the door. He is glad Jason left, so that he has some time to be alone and sort out everything in his head. He lies down on his side and wraps his arms around the Liza Minnelli pillow. Somehow it always brings him comfort. He again didn’t have much sleep last night and he is exhausted of this long day.
He loves Jordan, but Jordan’s incessant talking was more he needed in the end. And then Jason showed up… He sighs. Jason made sense. They didn’t need to sweet talk around the subject. They both knew Kevin very well. Too well. And Jason made it very clear that he had no interest in Kevin. And Scotty believed him.
And that is the crux of the matter. Scotty knows it. He trusts Jason
, why can’t he trust Kevin? He can accept that Jason doesn’t love Kevin anymore, not like lovers should anyway, but he cannot understand that Kevin feels the same about Jason. But he knows he’s lying to himself. The truth is, if Kevin doesn’t love Jason, then he loves Scotty. And why would Kevin do that
Nora hears the door close in the hall. The quick steps up the stairs are immediately recognized as being Kevin’s. She frowns, her lips become a straight line as she marches up the stairs to follow Kevin. She just gives a quick knock and then walks in without waiting for a reply. Kevin sits on the bed. His tie is on the chair as is his briefcase. He is unbuttoning his shirt.
“Kevin Walker…” This is bad, if she starts like that, Kevin reckons. “I just had a very interesting talk with a certain Jordan this afternoon.”
“Jordan? Why was he here?”
“To talk to you.”
“Is everything alright with Scotty?” There is panic in Kevin’s voice.
“Yes, Kevin, Scotty is alright, just great! You broke his heart, made him feel unwanted and unloved. He is miserable without you. And you sit here feeling sorry for yourself, being miserable without him
. Other than that, everything is just peaches!”
“Mom…” Kevin tries.
“Don’t you ‘mom’ me! What is wrong with you, Kevin? You have a great boyfriend and you love him and he loves you. And there is a major crises of trust going on between you two. And you…? You just walk away.”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“Fight! Is Scotty that worthless to you?”
“Of course not! He means everything to me.”
“Then stop sabotaging yourself and your own happiness.”
“And what about Scotty’s happiness? I will only ruin his life. I am the one who always screws up relationships, remember? The one who is a failure at this?” His cynicism shines through.
He turns his back to Nora and lies down under the cover. He just wants to be left alone. He wants the world to go away and just let him feel awful.
“AI!!” He yells with a scream of pain as pillow hits him over the head with tremendous power. Stunned, he looks up at his mom.
Standing beside his bed, her fists clenched and her eyes burning with fury Nora yells at him:
“You are NOT a failure. Let me tell you this, Kevin Walker. You can still fix this. You don’t HAVE to be alone and miserable. You have a choice. Make it. You have a chance. Take it. For what you have with that young man is too good to lose!” She gives him one more angry look, before she leaves the room, letting the door fall into the lock. Kevin falls back on the bed and covers his head.
Scotty lifts up his head. He must have fallen asleep. The telephone rings, the answering machine kicks in. After the normal message: “You’ve reached Kevin Walker and Scotty Wandell, we’re not in, leave a message.” Spoken by Kevin’s warm voice that only makes Scotty feel more miserable, he hears:
“Hi, Scotty, it’s Justin. Don’t know if you are in or not, but Kevin is alone at the house tonight. Mom and I are going to a Veterans meeting and won’t be home until at least ten o’clock. Mom just gave Kevin a piece of her mind. That was very ugly to hear. Maybe you should…. try again? Talk to Kevin? He…. He misses you. …. Anyway, you have your own key. Please, try.”
Scotty lowers his head and wonders why he should bother to try. He hugs his pillow even closer. It is warm and soft against his chest. He doesn’t have the energy to get up and go to bed. Justin’s words keep ringing in his ears. Why should he fight alone for this? If Kevin doesn’t care? He is so tired of it all. And he closes his eyes again….
END OF PART 4