It’s a question of trust. Part 3/5. By Marea67
: G. Disclaimer:
B&S doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money. Summary:
part 3 – in which things take a different direction
When Scotty enters the loft, after his visit to Jordan, he feels more cheerful. The first thing he sees is Kevin’s briefcase. This means that Kevin must be here and he is just about to walk in the direction of the bedroom when Kevin enters the room. And Scotty can’t help but feel his stomach flutter a bit. He has to apologize to Kevin. He cannot stand the thought of one more lonely night. He’s grown used to feeling Kevin’s arms around and be safe.
“Kevin…..” Scotty starts, but Kevin cuts him off.
“Scotty, I thought you were at work.”
“I called in sick. I didn’t sleep at all last night and ….”
“I’m glad you’re here. We can put an end to all this right away.”
“I agree. Kevin, I….” Whatever Scotty meant to stay gets lost Kevin calmly says:
“Scotty, I’m sorry…. I’ve been up half the night and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not working. For either of us. I am tired of it all.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re through. We’re breaking up.” He says decidedly. And Scotty feels as if someone just punched him in the stomach. His eyes become big and he turns white as sheet. This isn’t happening!
“Like I said, I thought it all over tonight and considering that you just cannot trust me and I am sick of trying to earn something I cannot
seem to get, I think this is the best option we have.
We have to face the fact that we are not capable of giving each other what the other one needs. I don’t want to get you in any kind of trouble. You can stay here until after your exams. After that, you will need to find a place of your own. You are financially stronger now, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m sure you’ll pass with flying colors, so you will have a steady job, one that pays better, at San Estephe’s. You will no longer need my place. Or me. I'm going back to mom for a while.”
Scotty is too dumbfounded to reply. There is something so unreal about standing here and hear Kevin say those words, calm and well rehearsed. And simultaneously see the hurt on his face, the dark circles under those eyes filled with pain, they are crying out another story.
“I don’t get it.” He says feebly. “Kevin, it’s alright. I spoke to Jason this morning and he told me… About the package… he wanted to thank you… and said he hadn’t seen you yesterday.. and…”
“Yes, of course, and him
you believe. Because he’s been such a trustworthy person in the past, right? Like he didn’t tell me that he loved me too and just forgot all about me. Oh, no, forgive me, that is just MY issue with him, it's not yours. Or is it because the words of a priest hold more worth than that of a lawyer?”
“Kevin, that is not what I meant. I can understand that you’re upset…”
“I’m not upset. I am beyond ‘upset’. I am angry. I realized last night that I have this knack for picking out guys, who can only see everything that is wrong about me and love to emphasize those things, making me feel worse.” Scotty shakes his head, it’s not true. He loves Kevin.
“And it makes no difference anymore, Scotty. I’m done trying. I’m done with being accused of trying to pass, of changing myself to please others. You know, you have lots of friends, some of them are ex-boyfriends, I know. And, yet, I trust
you not to sleep with them behind my back… or right in front of me either, for that matter.
I don’t have many friends and I would like to normalize my relationship with Jason, like I did with Chad. You know, an occasional conversation, grab a beer after work, just a drink. No sex involved. I want that with Jason too. He’s my sister’s brother-in-law. He’s a part of my
life, my sister’s life, my brother-in-law’s life. One of these day they’ll have a child. And he’ll be an uncle, like me…. I cannot escape him entirely.”
“I know and I’m sorry that….”
“You know what bugs me most of all? I did try to escape him. When there was a family dinner at Robert’s place I didn’t go, because you weren’t with me and Jason would be there. And I didn’t go because I didn’t want to hurt you or give you any reason to doubt me. I wanted to prove to you that I was faithful to you.
I went yesterday, because I knew
it was the only day in the week Jason is not there because he gives bible-study... I called from my office prior to leaving to make sure he wasn’t there. I felt like I was doing the right thing. For you. Because you are more important to me than anyone else. I did everything right, Scotty. I didn’t see
him, I didn’t talk
to him and I sure as hell didn’t touch
him and yet, …I still find myself accused of being a cheater.”
“Kevin, I know I made a terrible mistake, but breaking up?”
“Yeah, it’s hard to do. But considering that you already think I am some big fat liar anyway, I doubt you’ll be too brokenhearted by this. You’ll get over this fast enough. You can tell everyone it’s my fault. It usually is.” He shrugs.
“In the long run, you will know that this is the best thing we can do. You’ll see.” Kevin says coldly.
“Kevin, please, don’t leave like this. There has to be something….”
“I have to leave. If I stay, we will only hurt each other even more…”
He picks up his suitcase, brushes by Scotty and leaves the loft. Not slamming the door like he did yesterday, just a little clicking sound as the door falls into the lock, but to Scotty it feels like his world just stopped turning. Shocked he stares at door, he softly whispers Kevin’s name, but it’s unlikely that Kevin will ever hear. The door is closed and stays closed. END OF PART 3