It Must Be Him (Part 1)
About: Kevin/Jason, Jason/Scotty, Scotty/Kevin. (+Walkers + McCallisters)
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
Summary: Because Kevin ‘died’ too many times. Time to talk.
Extra note: It was seeing Kevin’s pain, when that one song began to haunt me. Listen to it. Because I think it must have been what Kevin went through on a daily basis, waiting for Jason’s phonecall.
I used the Timi Yuro version, because I found it more ‘raw’ than any other versions, who were too well styled to my taste.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skhaf3bZWlg The lyrics are at the end of the story.
He merely went into the kitchen to get a bottle of wine, but as Kevin turned around he was face to face with Jason.
“Jason!” he said, a bit surprised that Jason had followed him.
“Kevin, we need to talk.” Jason’s voice was a bit desperate.
“Really? Call me… Oh, sorry, …. Too difficult. Someone ought to explain the basic concept of speed-dial to you.” God, Jason hated it when Kevin got sarcastic.
“Can we talk with each other? Privately?” Kevin looked around the Walker kitchen.
“Jason, we are in the Walker house, at a Walker party, there are at least 20 people out there… This is about as ‘private’ as we can get.”
“Can we meet somewhere? Just you and me?”
“No.” was Kevin’s short, immediate answer and it was clear to Jason that the subject was not debatable.
“I want to apologize.” He said.
“You can do that here, we don’t need to be private for that.” Kevin was still defensive.
“Listen, I’m sorry.”
“For what exactly?” Jason sighed, Kevin was going to make this difficult. Well, Jason wouldn’t let him.
“For everything.” He replied curtly.
“Well, that kinda narrows it down, doesn’t it? Does that include your being sorry for being here? At a Walker party? Although you are not a Walker and you are in no direct way linked to one… anymore?... Or perhaps for the fact that it’s rained yesterday, when so many of us wanted to have a barbeque? Or for the fact that we still don’t have world peace? Oh, no wait! You’re apologizing for going on that stupid campaign with your brother, Senator-let’s-not-allow-gay-people-to-ge
“Oh, shut up Kevin.”
“NO! I don’t HAVE shut up anymore. One of the advantages, of us breaking up, is that I no longer have to be polite about Robert, because otherwise my boyfriend will throw a tantrum. I can speak my mind again, without having to worry about bruising either of the big McCallister egos.”
“Whatever gripes you may have with me, don’t take it out on my brother!”
“Jason, I had issues with Robert before you came into my life, while you were in my life, and I will continue to have them now that you’re out of my life!”
“Whàtever.” Jason hissed. Taking a deep breath, clenching his teeth, he continued: “I just wanted to apologize for hurting you and I sort of hoped that you would be reasonable enough to see things from my point of view.”
“I’m not.” Well, at least, Kevin was being brutally honest, Jason thought.
“Please, Kevin, you have no idea, what I went through.”
“No. How could I? You never called to tell me anything.”
“I’ve missed you every single minute of every single day.” Jason tried again.
“If you truly missed me, I was just a phonecall away.” Kevin’s bitterness could not be ignored.
“You don’t understand. I had to be strong. If I would have talked to you, hear you say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’, I would have taken the first plane out of there.”
“And you think I would have let you, right?” The accusatory tone in Kevin’s voice surprised Jason.
“Yes! That is what you believed, hmm? Selfish, narcissistic Kevin would of course not be able to understand that your work as a man of God was important to you, isn’t it ? I am the one who always thinks about himself first, right?”
“N-no, I just…”
“Then why didn’t you go through this with me? Why didn’t you trust me to catch your fall?”
“What could you have done?”
“I could have been your partner. I could have told you that I was waiting. I could have told you to have faith, because that is what you taught me. But you silenced me. We could have counted off the days together. I could have been your anchor in those stormy days. But instead, you cut me lose and let me go! You threw me away!”
“I told that I loved you! And I meant it! You were everything to me!” Jason’s voice became louder with every word, but Kevin was by no means impressed and tore back into Jason:
“Oh, yeah, I got your message alright! Loud and clear! The silence was DEAFENING!!!!”
In the other room everyone had tried not to hear the voices in the kitchen growing louder and louder. Although they couldn’t exactly hear what was being said, it was clear that Jason and Kevin were having a fight.
“Maybe…one of us should go in?” Robert said carefully, looking at everyone sitting around the dinner-table.
“No…. Let them fight this out.” Now everyone stared at Scotty, who tried desperately to keep composure and face everyone in the room, but his face was white as sheet, the fear obvious in his blue eyes. He swallowed hard, pretending to be alright, but Robert saw his hands tremble as reached for the glass of wine.
“You have nothing to worry about… Kevin loves you.” Sarah said gently.
“Yeah. He serenaded you. How much more proof do you need?” Justin tried to relieve the tension.
“Knowing Kevin’s singing I’m not sure if Scotty should be so happy about it.” Tommy joked.
A quick smile appeared on Scotty’s face, but faded instantly.
“A part of Kevin is still in love with Jason.” He said matter-of-factly.
“God, I hope not!”
“Robert!!” exclaimed Kitty.
“Well, sorry, Kitty. I think it is best if they make a clean break from each other. It’s not good for Jason to stay in this relationship. You guys have no idea how unhealthy that would be.”
“No, TELL me about it.” Scotty snapped.
“You NEVER liked Kevin.” Kitty gave Robert an angry look.
“Your account of his love-life didn’t give me a good feeling about him, as a partner for my brother, no.” Robert conceded. “I didn’t want Jason to be victim number 21 on Kevin’s casualty-list. I didn’t want him to be with someone so fickle…”
“Fickle?! Wow, you really don’t know Kevin.” Scotty came to Kevin’s defense.
“No? Alright forget about Jason for a moment ….” Robert said.
“Wish I could.” Scotty murmured.
“….What about the actor-guy?”
“Chad broke up with him.” Scotty reluctantly reminded everybody..
“…What about you?” Robert was relentless.
“I broke up with him.” Scotty shrugged.
“What the guy before you…. ?
“Hank…” Justin, Tommy and Sarah replied almost simultaneously. But only Sarah continued: “That relationship was suddenly over. That’s true.”
“Well, I can’t blame Kevin.” Scotty said with a certain disgust. “Kevin was supposed to go to meeting in San Francisco, but he missed his flight. As the next flight would only go the next day, he went back home, where he caught Hank with another man. In HIS apartment, in HIS bed.” When he saw several jaws drop, it slowly dawned on Scotty. “You… you didn’t know about this?.... Did you?” Great! Now Kevin might not only dump him, but also strangle him.
The silence that had been between them, didn’t last long.
“Kevin, I swear, you were constantly on my mind. It drove me crazy. I dreamed about you. About being home with you. Being able to hold you…. I really considered giving up the church for you…”
“And how was I supposed to know that?! You may have been talking to God, God did not exactly relay your messages, you know.”
Jason couldn’t believe how cynical Kevin was. Why wouldn’t Kevin believe him? Why was it so hard for Kevin to understand how deeply he had been hurt by Kevin’s message, that he wanted to break up with him, because Kevin had fallen in love with someone else…. Speaking of which…..
“… And to think that all this time, while I was thinking of you, dreaming of you… questioning my religion over you…. You take in the first stray cat that comes along.” The sheer look of repulsion on Jason’s face, infuriated Kevin. Whatever had happened between him and Jason, it was not Scotty’s fault! With his most annoying tone of voice he retaliated:
“Oh, miaow, you’re just ticked off, because the claw-marks on my body are his and not yours.”
“And how did he ‘thank’ you? By taking advantage of your being drunk! …Oh, I know…. Kitty told me.”
“Taking advantage? …Yeah, he really had to drag me to the bed kicking and screaming, Jason.”
“Jumping into bed with an ex-boyfriend is not a very polite thing to do, you know.”
“Forgetting you have a boyfriend altogether could be considered careless behavior.”
“I told you what happened.”
“And I maintain, it’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”
Jason tried again. Carefully. Reasonably. In a calm voice. A calmness he no longer felt.
“Kevin, I went to Malaysia to built something that would help people.”
“Yes, too bad that you tore down our relationship to do it...”
“I knew it would be a waste of time to try and discuss this with you. You wouldn’t know anything about doing an honorable thing .”
“An honorable thing? Well, Saint Jason, that must be something really warm and comfortable to snuggle up to… when you are alone…in your bed…in the middle of the night… I’ll think about it, for about 2 seconds, next time I am in Scotty’s warm embrace.” Suddenly Jason remembered why he had disliked Kevin at first.
Scotty just wished that everybody would stop trying to avoid looking at him. He felt sick. The yelling had stopped. Now it was quiet. What did it mean? Would Jason get through to Kevin this time? Would Kevin decide for Jason after all? Scotty wished he could have confidence in what he had with Kevin. But their breakups had been so often in the past. Jason was handsome. Smart and friendly. Perfect.
He had felt safe and secure these last past weeks, but tonight Jason had been at the dinner table and this old nagging feeling of ‘being second choice’ had crept back into his mind. And no matter how hard Kevin had tried to convince him of the opposite, Scotty believed him still to have strong feelings for Jason. Scotty felt like he could hardly breath. He needed fresh air.
“Please forgive me.” He said, barely a whisper, as he fled from the room and into the garden.
Robert couldn’t help but feel sorry for Scotty. He hoped his brother would come to his senses and would not allow himself to get caught up in Kevin’s troubled love-life again. Kevin was just not good enough for Jason. He had never wanted this and was still a bit angry that Kitty had made this happen.
Angrily Kitty stabbed her fork in to the salad on her plate. How dare Robert?! Think so badly about Kevin. Kevin was sweet and nice and he had always been there for her ….and also for Robert. As if Jason was such a catch. Didn’t even know how to use a telephone. Had she known that Jason would hurt her brother like that, she would never have set them up.
Yet another Walker-clan dinner ruined, Nora feared. She felt for Scotty. The poor boy looked sick. How could Kevin be so cruel to that kid? And over that preacher-boy? Oh, she didn’t dislike Jason, his heart was in the right place, he did a lot of good work, he was nice in general, but she would love to wring his neck for hurting her son.
IF Jason would hurt Kevin again, Justin, would personally punch Jason’s lights out. Although he often joked about Kevin, Kevin’s being gay or Kevin’s boyfriend(s), he loved his brother to death, respected him for daring to be openly gay and he would defend his brother against anyone or anything… Including ministers.
Sarah’s heart broke when she saw Scotty run from the room. The tension on his face had been so clear to her. She adored Scotty. The second time she saw him at Kevin’s office, she had noticed this look that he had given Kevin and she had realized: That boy was in love with her little brother. Like a mother who saw her child have it’s first puppy-love she had melted. She had always had a preference for Scotty, because she felt that she had picked him. If Kevin would hurt Scotty again she would kill Kevin. No, first she’d kill Jason, for hurting Kevin and then Kevin…..
Tommy had been in doubt. He did not care much for either Jason or Scotty, but Kevin had been happy these last few weeks and he was reminded of how hurt Kevin had been that night of Justin’s detox. He should have been a better brother. Should have seen that Kevin was hurting… But after seeing Scotty’s face when he left the room….. Tommy had not realized how deeply Scotty must love Kevin. Jason had brought pain to Kevin, and Scotty had put a smile back on his brother’s face. And suddenly he found himself secretly rooting for Scotty.
(end of part 1)