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welcome to my fantasies
7 years LiveJournal...  
30th-Nov-2014 10:52 pm
7 years!  I’ve enjoyed writing a lot. I’ve learned a lot. It has expanded my horizon. I’ve gotten a lot of nice reviews, sometimes very personal stories, good discussions, the occasional hate-mail and spam, but in general I’ve been happy with this account.

So, I can say that it’s been a good run. But all good things must come to an end.

I’ve written 346 stories consisting of 1048 chapters. 1.839.576 words…I’ve however noticed the decline in interest. There were fewer and fewer responses and this last 2 months I’ve written/posted 15 stories with a total of 41 stories, which got an total of 14 responses.

I guess it’s only natural that interest dries up. The show got canceled a long time ago. Most people have moved on and maybe it’s time for me to do the same. I’m not saying that I will never ever write Kevin/Scotty again. They’re still in my system.

Just, right now, it no longer offers me much fun to write them. English is not my native language and sometimes it takes me a while to write a halfway-decent story. Maybe I've spent too much time on writing them. I don't know.

Perhaps the writing bug bites me again when Matthew returns with The Americans (though the show is not that inspirational to be honest, so I doubt it) or when Luke shows his face in Killjoys. I don’t know.

I only know that I’ve deleted all other ‘still pending’ stories, gotten rid of all ‘don’t throw away yet’-ideas, set free the remaining plot-bunnies, finished the last stories that I wanted to post, with ‘Everything Scotty wanted to know….’ as the last one, for the time being.

I’m not saying goodbye to Brothers & Sisters. I’ve decided to finally get back to something that I’ve been wanting to do since the show got cancelled in 2011 and that is my “Brothers and Sisters archives”.  I’ve just never had the time to dedicate to it, and hopefully, now I have. Or not. I don't know.

I’m not entirely done with Matthew Rhys, though I will probably stop making the calendar pages. It’s a lot of work for just one or two interested people. On the other hand, it’s fun to play with Matthew (‘s pictures) so I’m not sure about what to do with that.

I started this year with the feeling that 2014 would be my year and in a lot of ways it was not. I’ve had some minor ups and some huge downs. There have been some tough moments this year and where writing Kevin/Scotty had once been my escape-pod, it didn’t work anymore.

So maybe it’s also the year where I have to say goodbye to things I used to love, with the hope that it will replaced by something that I will love in the future.

I want to thank the few remaining readers very much for everything. I'm so grateful for the time you've given my writing...  
30th-Nov-2014 10:27 pm (UTC)
This makes me sad and it also makes me feel bad. I haven't been here as much as I used to, but seeing that I only joined the "gang" in 2012, I am still a rookie. You have always been an inspiration with your stories and to this day, one of my all time favorite stories I have ever read is yours. Turn a different corner.
You were one of the first to encourage me to write my own stories and once I started, I never really stopped and now I am a published author and I own so much to you.
It is true that the interest for the show has dried up considerably, but you always kept me coming back to it. It was like coming home. Nice and cozy, where you were waiting with new and exciting stories. I didn't have the time to read your last longer fic, but I will.
I read about your ups and downs this year and I hope that next year will be better in many ways.
Maybe you'll write your own novel and publish as well? You are so talented, it would be sad if you let your writing gift fall asleep.

(by the way, leaving us with "everything Scotty wanted to know", is like torture... you leave us begging for more. LOL)

But even if you don't write anymore or not as often anymore, we will stay in touch. Right??
A life without you would be plenty empty.

Thank you for a wonderful time, full of inspiration, laughter and tears too.

You are and will always stay the Queen of Kevin/Scotty fanfic.

Big hugs and kisses


Edited at 2014-11-30 10:32 pm (UTC)
1st-Dec-2014 11:04 am (UTC)
Don't take it personal. It has nothing to do with you. I'm very happy with what you've managed to accomplish for yourself.

For me this account used to be 'nice and cozy' too, but it's not anymore. Just a cold room.

Of course we'll stay in touch. I'm on Facebook, Twitter, my other LJ... No issues. I'm not leaving the internet for good. :)

I think that there's a lot at play in my head, in my body, in my life than even I can fathom. I feel like a vulcano who's been dormant for a long time and now starts to rumble again.

We'll see. Like I said, I'm not saying 'never', if it hits me again maybe I'll write K/S again, but for now, I don't see it happening.

1st-Dec-2014 11:26 am (UTC)
Thank you very much for all your stories. It was a pleasure to read them and I remember with a big smile all the time we shared commenting the show and reading your stories when B&S was on air. We were such a crazy fans :D It was great!

Hope you don't stop commenting and that you'll write again, even if it's not about B&S. Please, keep in touch.

Thanks again and hugs!!
1st-Dec-2014 03:56 pm (UTC)
B&S is not completely gone, but right now I don't believe in it anymore. I'm still here, and on Facebook, Twitter, my other LJ, I'm not lost. And if you need me, I'm here. :)

And thank your for you so many comments. They were always appreciated. :)

Edited at 2014-12-01 03:57 pm (UTC)
1st-Dec-2014 04:20 pm (UTC)
I'll miss reading your stories, short and long. But I know you'll be around, so that gives some comfort. We all go through many different stages in life and change is usually for the good. :-)
1st-Dec-2014 08:04 pm (UTC)
I don't know if it will be 'good', for now I just feel 'bad'. But that may be just detox from writing. :/
2nd-Dec-2014 05:42 am (UTC)
I feel so bad for not having taken more time to review, because believe me I eagerly read all your work over the years. I'm not really good at doing comment. I never know what to say and didn't want to come with just a lame "Fantastic!" or "Woderful, I love it", etc... Maybe I should have. :(
I know how hard it's to write in antoher language and when you think nobody is reading.
Anyway, thank you for keeping Scotty and Kevin and the Walkers alive for a bit longer. It was great. I almost feel like the show is canceled again, because with you they were so real.
Please dont delete your journal too soon, I would really enjoy rereading you work on last time. :D

Thank you for all the good time you gave us. *sniff*
2nd-Dec-2014 06:55 am (UTC)
Oh, don't feel bad, it's just like that. I told someone else the same thing "Just because there's not a comment, doesn't mean that people aren't reading..." - Just for me, I noticed the lack of interest and started to realize that I'm putting a lot of time and effort into this, but no longer getting any energy back from it. (not the way I used to)

I don't plan to delete anything. I love this account, have a lot of work and memories in it. I just don't see myself writing anything K/S or B&S in the near future.

I will still post things MR or B&S if needed.
3rd-Dec-2014 05:34 am (UTC)
I thought you would be around forEVER. But I went through similar emotions last year. I loved writing as well, but I never wrote for myself. I wrote for the readers, and once that diminished there was no purpose in it for me. I guess my point is that I understand your decision....

Though I haven't written since the 'Wicked' finale, I've intended to continue being a Reader, particularly for B and S fanfics. I just coincidentally have had a very stressful year.... One day I'll get to them.....

I'm sure I'll see you online. Though I wont be ihrtmr. (thats only on this site and MRO)

3rd-Dec-2014 11:49 am (UTC)
I'm not completely gone yet.. :) Still moving in the B&S realm, but just a bit done with fanfic.

For me it's been a bit of a rocky year as well, and I think it contributes to my lack of desire to write more k/s. There is just TOO MUCH in my head, in my life, in my desires for the future. I just can't find the time or the desire to write k/s.

Add to this the weird taste that this whole Matthew/Keri-thing has left with me and my dislike for "The Americans" (regardless of how well Matthew is acting - because he IS good) and a lack of Luke Macfarlane, and I just can't 'hear/feel' K/S all that good anymore.

So, for now, I'll just have fun playing with my Brothers & Sisters Archives... :)
3rd-Dec-2014 11:05 pm (UTC)
Hey I have an idea. I know you dont have a huge calendar audience and are finding it time consuming, etc. Hows about a quarterly calendar with 3 months at a time, or or thats too much an annual calendar?? You dont have to, but I vote you ween us away instead of cold turkey... ;)
4th-Dec-2014 11:17 am (UTC)
Consider it 'taken in consideration'. Mhm, it would help if I had 'ideas'. sometimes coming up with something 'new and fresh' is more difficult than getting the actual page together. :)
4th-Dec-2014 06:34 pm (UTC)
Oh were pretty easy to please here. A 2015 year at a glance calendar bordered by naked pics of M. Rhys should do just fine.... :)
4th-Dec-2014 08:00 pm (UTC)
Naked pictures of Mr Rhys????? Hon, if I had them do you think I'd share them.... in public? (Of course I'd sent you and a few others a copy by PM)

Besides, it will January. Isn't 'naked' a little too cold... There wouldn't be much to ... oh, never mind.... :)
13th-Jan-2015 06:52 pm (UTC)
I don't know if you'll see this. I don't know if you're still around.

I had a pretty complicated 2014. I had hopes for 2015, and then everything changed last week. We are mourning. It's hard to imagine the future, now. Je suis Charlie. But it's not the point.

I used to love LJ so much! Logged in everyday. Created communities. Tried to join in the fun, and different fandoms. I never did it for the comments (although they do make you feel good) more for the sense of community and camaraderie I missed in real life. It never worked. Maybe I chose the wrong fandoms, maybe I was too discreet, too slow in writing a fic. In fanfic world, it's about spontaneity.

Today, I realized I've moved on. Found 88 messages in my inbox after a few months of not visiting the site. I didn't have that many even when I launched a new round of story lottery!

All this rambling to say that I understand what you're saying, and feel the same. It's only natural to have our interests change after a while. 7 years of memories, of stories, of conversations, of Brothers and Sisters. :)

Guess what! You have many years ahead to come, and find some fun and memories elsewhere. I wish you a lovely and creative 2015.

semisweetsoul ;)
13th-Jan-2015 09:31 pm (UTC)
I heard about the attacks in Paris. It was horrendous. I've felt numb for several days, the hostage-situation, the shooting at the store. Couldn't process what was going on. It is so sad. And, boy, did the French show dignity with the March in Paris and today with the honering of the dead police-officers. Moved me so much.

And apparently now IS/AlQaida have made new 'warnings' that also mention Amsterdam ... Which is about as far away from me as Paris is. A 2-3 hour drive. It's a weird feeling. Sigh..


As you can see, I'm still here. And I'm still looking in. Sometimes even tempted to almost write B&S, because I miss K/S...

There's a silence in me, but right now, there's a REASON for that silence and I think I must face that silence rather than fill it up with the voices of K/S and drown the real problems in my life.

I consider 2014 a year of 'transition', of finding closure, of giving things a certain place in my life. Some general 'clean up' where my emotions were concerned.

I don't know why, but I have faith in 2015. Even with this miserable start.

Plus, I think that if I would now let fear run my life, I'd be giving in to a bunch of cowards, who hide behind a religion to mask that they're just pathetic murderers, with a desire to hurt, kill and destroy because they have nothing better to offer this world.

I wish you love, peace and happiness for 2015. As tough as it is, don't let "them" win. Nous sommes tous Charlie.

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