I know the secrets that you keep... 5/9By Marea67
William, Nora, Kevin, Scotty and a bunch of others.Rate:
Written with love, not for moneySummary:
When William Walker dies, his family gets confronted with a secret that he kept, which will have a huge impact on Kevin.It is an AU, so the usual applies; Things can/will be different. Don't like it? Don't read it
Justin drives Tommy home, followed by Kevin. Tommy has calmed down considerably by the time he gets at his place, so Justin is sure that he can safely leave Tommy with Julia, Tommy’s wife. He gets in the car with Kevin. Kevin brings all of them back to Ojai Foods, where everyone can get their own cars.
In all, it’s a few hours later, when he can finally drive back to Café 429. There he hears that Scotty has gone home and, with a little begging, he manages to get approval to use the internal stairs to get to Scotty’s apartment from inside the restaurant. He knocks on Scotty’s door, but no one opens.
“Scotty? Scotty, can you please open up?” He yells. There’s nothing. Not a sound, not a call back, nothing. Kevin gets an uncomfortable feeling.
“Scotty! Scotty! Open up!” He slams his open hand on the door. “If you don’t open up, I’ll break down the door!”
For a moment he fears that he will have to follow up on this threat, but then the door gets opened wide and Kevin enters and he finds Scotty leaning with his back against the wall.
“Seriously? Break down the door? You and what army? Do you have any idea how strong this door is?” Scotty asks, completely unimpressed.
“I wanted to see how you were doing… And my mom wants to know how much we owe you and…”
“Go away, Kevin. I don’t want to talk to you, or anyone else, right now. I’m done. I just want to go to bed and sleep.”
“Scotty, I … I need to apologize to you. Everyone is very upset and I’m sorry, Tommy had no right to do what he did, but….” Kevin stammers.
“I don’t know, maybe he did…” Scotty sighs. “Maybe I did deserve that.”
“No, you didn’t…”
“Fine. Whatever. Apology accepted. Now, please, go home.” Scotty seems tired, but it isn’t until Kevin takes a few steps closer that he can really smell what’s going on.
“Are you drunk?” He asks Scotty.
“What do you care?”
Kevin looks further into the room. There’s an almost empty bottle on the table.
“Scotty, I know this must be tough, but ….”
“Don’t give me that. You have no idea what I feel! Or how hurt I am! Or how I felt when Tommy hit me! Or what it did to me to see your mother for the first time!”
Scotty sounds more like he’s slurring his lines, he’s obviously losing grip on himself. Kevin shakes his head.
“This is not a solution. Give me that bottle…” He picks it up of the table, but Scotty is there just as fast and he yanks it out of Kevin’s hand again.
“What do you
care?! What does any of you
care?! Just get out of my house! Get out of my life! And let me do what I need to do…. Just… Get out…” His voice trails off. “Please, get out…” Kevin wants to protest Scotty request, but he changes his mind. He can’t speak with Scotty when he’s like this anyway.
“Fine. But I’ll be back tomorrow.” Kevin warns.
“Yeah. Whatever…” Scotty shrugs. And Kevin sees him stagger away to, what he assumes, must be the bedroom. He turns towards the door. “Not that it matters… I won’t be there anymore anyway…” He hears Scotty’s mumbled words…
At first the words have no meaning to him, but an uncomfortable feeling overcomes him that he should pay attention, when he grabs the doorknob. There had been something rather final
in those words… He opens the door, but he looks back at the room, where he hears Scotty move around. He hesitates… then he closes the door. He can’t leave.
In the other room he hears a sob, a creaking of something. The bed? Then he can hear Scotty cry. It’s loud and so filled with pain that Kevin forgets everything else. He rushes into Scotty’s bedroom.
The first thing he sees, next to Scotty’s bed, are some bottles of prescription drugs.
“Did you take any of these?”
“No…” Scotty sobs. He cries as if his heart is breaking. “They are William’s pills. I always had them at my place too, just in case he’d need them.”
Kevin never even knew that his father took anything for his heart-condition.
“Did you plan on taking those? With alcohol?” He asks flabbergasted,
"That's none of you business!" Scotty’s crying only becomes louder and more desperate. Kevin shoves the bottles away, sits down on the bed and he pulls Scotty into his arms to hold him.
"You can't do that. It doesn't solve anything."
"I don't care!"
"Yes, you do. You'll feel differently in the morning." Kevin tries to convince Scotty.
Scotty tries to fight against being held, but then his body goes limb and all barriers come down. He cries so hard that his entire body shakes and Kevin can’t do anything else but caress Scotty’s back, hold him tight and just let him cry out his pain. It all feels and sounds so desperate and so lonely that it breaks Kevin’s heart.
He holds Scotty until the shaking subsides and Scotty’s cries are more calm and silent. Scotty is still crying, but it’s a more of quiet sobbing. Kevin kisses Scotty’s hair.
“I’m sorry,…” He whispers. “I didn’t realize how lonely all of this must have been for you… You have no one to talk to, have you?” Kevin can feel Scotty shake his head.
“No one knew…. It was just us…. William and me… And now… there’s … no one but me….” Scotty cries. “I’ve been so alone in all this… I … I’m dying inside and I can’t tell anyone… Who’s gonna care that I’m crying over losing a married man… They’ll be on your mother’s side… They’ll say that I should never have gotten involved with him to begin with….”
Kevin rocks Scotty in his arms like a baby. He gently places another kiss on Scotty’s hair and on his forehead. Scotty moves his head. Kevin can taste the salty tears on his lips. He kisses another tear away. Scotty turns his head towards Kevin’s mouth. Kevin’s lips slide over Scotty’s. He pulls back. Surprised by his own reaction.
Scotty’s hands grab firm hold of Kevin’s shirt. They both know that they should stop right now, but instead, Scotty’s grip only tightens as he pulls Kevin closer for another kiss. He doesn’t give Kevin time to think things through. His kiss becomes more insistent. His tongue invades Kevin’s mouth and Kevin can feel his defenses crumble.
When Kevin finally breaks the kiss to get some air, all he can hear is Scotty whisper against his mouth:
“Don’t let me go. Don’t leave me alone. Not tonight… Please. If you do, I won’t be here in the morning. If not the pills then some other way…”
Kevin hardly has time to register what Scotty said, because Scotty’s mouth is on his again and, inside Kevin, insecurity and bewilderment begin to mix with his growing desire. He tries to gently push Scotty away, but the moment his hands touch Scotty’s sides, all they seem to want to do is pull Scotty’s body even closer to his own.
He lets himself roll on his back, giving Scotty every opportunity to back away and stop, but all Scotty can do is seek Kevin’s body all over again. They both moan when Kevin’s thigh comes in touch with Scotty hard cock. Scotty moans from the sudden touch, Kevin moans from the realization of what could follow.
They continue to kiss, deeply, taking each other’s breath away, knowing that if they stop, it will break that special moment between them. Feeling how aroused Scotty is, Kevin only think of one thing left to do and that is satisfying Scotty. The smell and taste of liquor on Scotty half-inebriates Kevin too, his confusing feelings aren’t helping.
Caught between repulsion and fascination, not sure whether to feel sorry for Scotty or not, Kevin stops thinking rationally and surrenders to his more basic needs. His fingers slide over the bulge between Scotty’s legs and Scotty nearly cries out his need for satisfaction. It’s been too long ago since William and he been together sexually.
Their kiss becomes desperate, while Kevin’s hand quickly moves Scotty closer to the edge. When Scotty finally comes, his scream is a mixture of release, pain and sorrow. Still breathing heavily Scotty turns to Kevin, feeling like he should somehow reciprocate. Kevin wants to stop him, but Scotty won’t let him.
Kevin’s head is spinning with the desire that Scotty seems to easily awake in him. He pushes himself closer to Scotty’s fingers, trying to force himself to let go, just to get it over with. It’s all too uncomfortable, too unsatisfying, but not necessarily unwanted. Too confusing.
Eventually, the desperation takes him to his peak as well. More or less satisfied they lie beside each other on the bed. Both are confused and they are not sure about what has just happened between them. Exhausted he listens to how Scotty softly cries in the dark. Kevin’s reaches out to him.
“Shh, it will be alright… It will be alright…” He whispers. He takes Scotty in his arms again, but this time Scotty is a lot calmer. With Kevin’s arms tightly around him, he seems to relax more and more, until Kevin realizes that Scotty is sound asleep.
He sighs with relief, but he’s too afraid to let go of Scotty. Afraid that, if he leaves, Scotty will carry out his earlier plans. So, Kevin stays where he is. Arms around Scotty, holding him tight. Satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time..
*****He wakes up when the sun enters the room. Dust moves in the sunbeam. There’s no sound. No traffic, no bird, nothing. Just silence. He realizes that he’s not in his own bed. He turns over and reaches out the person next to him and he’s about to wake him up gently, when the person moves.
Kevin caresses his arm and slowly the person turns over. The peacefulness falls away and horror fills him and he realizes that the person next to him in bed is his own father, William. Kevin freezes. He wants to get out of bed, but he can’t move. Then he screams out …..
With a loud gasp Kevin awakes. It’s immediate and his heart is still beating too fast. He sits up with a jolt, waking up Scotty. With a shock, it begins to occur to Kevin how twisted it is that he ended up being intimate with the same man as his father had. It’s all sorts of wrong. Too confused, he nearly tumbles out of bed.
“Kevin? Are you alright? What’s wrong?” Scotty notices the horrified look on Kevin’s face, but he doesn’t quite understand what is going on in Kevin’s head.
is wrong… You had no right
to do this to me…” Kevin says.
“Do what?” Scotty asks. He’s still trying to wake up and his brain isn’t cooperating.
“Us. You and me. Last night… You’re my father’s toyboy. That’s all you were to him…”
“Excuse me?” Scotty’s insulted face is almost a joke to Kevin. Does Scotty really have no idea what people think of him? “I don’t think that I understood you right… I was never anybody’s toy.”
“Oh, come on! He was old enough to be your father… You can’t tell me that it was about more than just sex.”
“He was not my
father and, no, it wasn’t about ‘just
’ sex. You have no idea of what you're talking about. I …. I loved him…”
“Rrright.” Kevin’s sarcasm hurts Scotty more than he cares to tell.
“What do you want from me, Kevin? One moment you hate me, the next you’re kind. Then you chase me away, only to follow me again. You push me away and then you pull me back. What do
you want? Because this push and pull is getting us nowhere! And I’m done with it.”
“And I’m done with you
. Last night made it very clear that you only care for sex and …”
is really what you think, then get out. Leave. Don’t come back. And I mean it. Don’t. Bother. Coming back. Just… Leave…” Scotty points at the door. For a moment they just stare at each other. Kevin realizes that somewhere he pushed the wrong button, because Scotty is beyond hurt, he's livid.
He can see Scotty go all white and Scotty swallows hard.
“Just go.” Scotty says and he turns around to rush to his bathroom. Kevin can hear him throw up. He’s tempted to go in and look after Scotty, but then he shakes his head. He can’t go on like this. Scotty is not the only who’s done with running back and forth.
Kevin pushes his key in the keyhole. Finally at his apartment! The further he had driven away from Scotty’s place the sicker he had felt. He had slept with Scotty. He had made sexual advances towards his father’s lover… He had done things to Scotty than his own father had most likely done too… It’s too much…
He’s glad to be in his place, he throws his keys on his desk and all he wants to do, is take a hot shower and try to somehow become clean again. If he ever can
“Kevin, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you since … forever
.” Kevin nearly jumps at the sound of his mother’s voice.
“Mom! What are you doing here? How did you get in?” He asks horrified.
“You left a spare-key at my place, just in case… Remember?”
“Yes. Vaguely. … Mom, can you please leave? I want to be alone.”
“What is wrong with you? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“I’m fine, mom. Just leave me alone. Alright…?” Kevin walks towards his bedroom when Nora calls him back.
“Kevin! Don’t lie to me! Don’t keep secrets from me. I hate it when you do that.” She says to his back.
Kevin doesn’t move at first, but then he turns around very slowly.
“That’s rich! You
don’t like secrets? Well, neither do I! But it turns out that my father was a gay man who had a lover who now owns 10% of our family company. Because you
freaking secret! So, don’t go lecture me about telling the truth!”
Silence hangs between them after Kevin's angry words. He can see his mother make some mental adjustments. His words have hit home, and now, she will try another approach.
“Kevin, I’m your mother and I can see you’re upset. You know that I will not leave until you tell me what is wrong with you.” Nora says. Unfortunately, Kevin knows all too well that Nora is right. She’s like a dog with a bone now and she won’t let go. He smiles sarcastically.
“You want the truth? … Well, I’ll give it to you. I had sex with Scotty. With Scotty Wandell! I slept with the same guy my dad slept with. How does that make you feel, mom? How does it make you feel to know
that the same guy who fucked your husband did the same with your son?!”
The moment the words leave Kevin’s mouth he wishes he could take them back, but it’s too late. It’s isn’t the full truth. It wasn’t like he really had sex with Scotty… Or so he wants to believe... But then he sees his mother’s face, and she looks so devastated, that the resentment immediately comes up again.
“Are you happy now, mom? Now that you have the truth? It sucks, doesn’t it?!” Kevin yells at her and, unable to see the pain on her face any longer, he turns around, goes to his bedroom and he slams the door behind him, making Nora flinch over the loud bang.
“Oh, my God.” Nora sighs. “What a mess…”
END OF CHAPTER FIVE