About: Kevin, Scotty, with some McCallisters and Walkers running around as well.
Rate: This chapter: G
Disclaimer: Not mine. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: That the trouble with good plans... they can go wrong...
AU!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AN AU(=Alternate universe) so things will be most likely different from the original version. Read at your own risk. Don't blame me if you don't like what you read! Not set in any time/place in particular.
“I’m so sorry.” Scotty says, once they are at the kitchen-table.
“What happened today. You didn’t deserve that. All this info on your private life and private feelings… They shouldn’t have told me.”
“You obviously don’t know my family.” Kevin smiles warily. “This family is so tight that we could strangle a boa constrictor with love alone. No, it’s all said with the best intentions. They don’t know the truth about you and me, but they do know the abyss I was in after that business with Johnny. They’re just trying to protect me.”
Scotty laughs softly and nods.
“It was so sweet to see you guys argue and talk…. They really love you unconditionally.”
“Yes. It can sometimes be too much of a good thing, but it is a comforting feeling to know that you’ll always be loved, no matter how badly you screw up…
And I know it. I’ve screwed up more times than I can count. My family isn’t wrong. I’ve been very good at picking the wrong guys… I’ve been lied to and hurt and betrayed. There have been stories told about me that weren’t true. I’ve been accused of things I hadn’t done… And in all honesty, I haven't always treated all my boyfriends good either.... But Johnny…. That guy really broke me…”
Kevin has to swallow hard to push away the resentment that comes back up. Scotty, from the opposite of the table, puts his hand on Kevin’s. Kevin sighs:
“It was tough… I flew to LA in a panic, thinking I’d lose my uncle, whom I love so much, and I was so glad that he got through it and I went back to New York. And I was so happy..
And then everything tumbled down. It was a never-ending nightmare. No matter how much I wanted to wake up from it, I just couldn’t. I think that what hurt me the most was seeing that it didn’t only impact me…. I needed money on such short notice. My entire family chipped in. They had to pay for the debt that my boyfriend had made…
They did it, because they love me. At the same time, they shouldn’t have had to, it was not their problem… It was such an awful period in my life, where I both loved my family and resented them as well. There were so many double feelings…. A part of me was still in love with Johnny, another part of me wanted him dead.
I wanted to go to back Los Angeles and burn all my bridges in New York. I wanted to stay in New York and face everyone. There were days when I was so angry at myself for being such an incredibly stupid fool. And then there were days,… when I just wanted to…” Kevin hesitates before finishing with: “…. Just kill myself…”
Scotty is shocked. He had felt that the worries, that the Walkers had over Kevin, wouldn’t be completely unfounded, but to hear Kevin actually say the words… Scotty sees Kevin look at him shyly and under his fingers he can feel Kevin’s hand shake and he realizes what it must cost this proud man to reveal his feelings like this.
He opens Kevin’s hand and threads his fingers with Kevin.
“I’m grateful that you wanted to share this with me…” Scotty says and he's truly touched..
“Well, for better or for worse… you’re my boyfriend.” Kevin rolls his eyes and he laughs nervously, but he’s not pulling away from Scotty’s touch.
“How long are we supposed to keep up this charade anyway?” Kevin now asks and though Scotty can feel that he desires to change the subject, away from Johnny, even though neither of them is letting go of the other man’s hand.
“I don’t know. Probably until Jason finds the courage to tell his family the truth.”
“I’m not sure that we could maintain ‘our relationship’ for another 10 years. I’d like to find the right man before I turn 40…” Kevin jokes and Scotty smiles.
“Can I ask you something? Something personal?”
“Because I haven’t been personal enough today?” But Kevin’s shrug tells Scotty he can ask.
“Kevin, why did you and Jason break up?” Scotty asks. Kevin seems relieved with the question, probably fearing more questions about Johnny. He answers immediately.
“Because he wouldn’t come out of the closet and I wasn’t going back in there. I’ve been out for a long time and I just couldn’t handle Jason near hypocrisy when it came to not admitting who and what he is.
Most people knew that we’d know each other since childhood and that we were the best of friends, but most of our friends never knew that we also had a relationship with each other for a while… I just couldn’t handle his hysteria over ‘what people would think’ anymore.
I couldn’t touch him, or even give a longer-than-one-second glance at him, without him almost hyperventilation in an anxiety-attack… But the moment I closed the door of our apartment behind me, he’d be all over me. I started to feel like some dirty secret, like I was only good for the sex… Nothing more.
And I wanted more. I had done the anonymous sex in dark places thing, the brief romances and the pointless bedhopping. It was getting old. I wanted a steady relationship. One that was open and honest and with someone who didn’t depend on my money… Not that Jason did, mind you…. I was tired of all the free, non-committing boyfriends.
I wanted someone to come home to, to take to dinner, to snuggle up to in the middle of the night. Someone to cook dinner with, in the kitchen, on a boring Saturday and then sit on the couch and watch tv, read a book and then sleep with, without it necessarily having to be all about sex and sex alone.... I know, to you, this must sound so boring…”
Scotty can’t seem to let go of Kevin’s hand, even though he knows he should.
“I don’t know. Sounds perfect to me.” He says softly, then noticing a sadness in Kevin.
“But perfection doesn’t exist. And after what happened with Johnny I gave up looking for someone altogether. I just had to… It was depressing me. I kept getting disappointed.”
Kevin is about to say something when the kitchen door flings open and Robert and Jason McCallister tumble in to the kitchen, obviously not too sober anymore. Behind them Eleanor enters with a benevolent smile on her face. Boys can be such boys sometimes. Scotty quickly lets go of Kevin’s hand, but Jason has already seen it.
He stares at both men, but says nothing to them.
“I’m going to bed… I think I’ve had a few too many drinks…” He tells his mother and without another look at Scotty or Kevin he leaves the kitchen, leaving Scotty and Kevin feeling guilty somehow, although they had done nothing wrong.
Scotty shivers. Kevin had warned him that it could get cold here at night and he had been right. They had forgotten to go shopping and now Scotty can feel the cold descend on the room. He could put on his sweater, but he doesn’t like to sleep all clothed like that and that doesn’t stop his legs from feeling cold.
Kevin makes a little noise and turns over. Even from where he lies Scotty can feel the warmth that comes from Kevin’s body. He stares at the ceiling. He’s cold and he feels lonely. The man he wants to hold is another room, pretending that Scoytt doesn’t exist, and he lies here, next to a man who’s kind and nice, but not the one he wants to be with.
Tears fill his eyes. He’s disappointed in Jason and he’s disappointed in himself. He had had his reservations about it, but he went ahead with it anyway and now he wishes he hadn’t. He should have stayed home. He should have begged Jason to turn down the Walker invitation and stay with him instead.
“Can’t sleep?” Kevin’s voice in the dark startles Scotty for a second, thinking Kevin to still be asleep.
“No. I’m cold and I’m … I don’t know… just trying to figure out if I’m angry. Or hurt. Or offended. Or disappointed. Or…” Scotty doesn’t know what other feelings he could have.
“Or that perhaps you should stop worrying about your feelings and get some sleep? ” Kevin offers dryly.
“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m cold and that it’s even colder outside the bed and that I don’t want to get out of bed to get my pants and sweater. And socks!
But if I don’t, I will not sleep tonight, because all I can be is upset about the fact that I’m cold and that I’m having all these feelings…. Vicious circle….” Scotty jokes sweetly. Kevin laughs and then cheekily asks:
“Why don’t you spoon up against me like you did last night….?”
The silence is an embarrassed one and Kevin grins.
“It’s alright, you know. I’ve had boyfriends before who used to say that I was so hot in bed… and they weren’t talking about my looks or my sexual abilities…” Kevin jokes and he adds, as an afterthought. “.. Unfortunately.”
He can hear Scotty laugh.
“I don’t want to make things more embarrassing….”
“I won’t tell anyone, if you won’t.” Kevin says and, in a softer voice, he continues. “It was kinda nice to have an arm around me again….”
Kevin can feel the bed move and then he can feel Scotty’s body against his own… He smiles when he feels Scotty’s hand rest on his stomach. His hand slips over Scotty’s. It such a comforting feeling to have him so close. And for the first time the thought comes to Kevin that Jason is an idiot for not coming out and claiming Scotty as his boyfriend.
“Finally! I thought Robert would never leave this room.” Scotty quickly enters Jason’s room, which he shares with Robert. “Did you sleep well? Not too much of a hangover?” Scotty asks. He bends over to kiss Jason, but Jason, not too gently, pushes Scotty away.
“Are you crazy?! Someone could see us!”
“The door is closed… No one can see us.”
“Robert or mom could walk in.”
“They’re downstairs, having breakfast.”
“Then so should you… How would you explain your interest in me?”
“You and I are friends…. Kevin and I met through to you. Which is the truth. And you would know it, if you would bother to find some time to talk to Kevin and me, so we can coordinate our stories. Which would be smart if you which to continue this farce.”
“Well, it seemed last night that you’re already good at acting out you supposed relationship. It looked all quite natural.”
“What are you accusing me of? He was upset. I just wanted to give him some comfort.”
“By holding his hand like you’re lovers?” Jason asks.
“Well, it was our fault that he was upset.”
“Ours? What did I do?”
“If it hadn’t been for your fanatic desire to keep up appearances, Kevin wouldn’t have to pretend that I’m his boyfriend, and his family wouldn’t have reminded him of his disastrous relationship with Johnny.” Scotty fights back. Jason’s eyes widen in shock and then his face becomes softer.
“I’m sorry… that must have been hard for him.”
“It was…” Scotty nods, feeling less annoyed. “I just want to be with you for a few minutes. Kevin has been very kind, but .. you know… he is not the person I want to share my holiday with.”
He moves a little closer to Jason and Jason lets him kiss him, for about two seconds, before he pushes Scotty away, more gently this time.
“I’m sorry, Scotty, I’m scared to death my family will find out… I know, I should muster the courage to tell them about you. You deserve that…
But…. they’re all the family I have… what if I lose them, like you lost yours…?” Jason caresses Scotty’s arm with the back of his hand. Scotty’s shoulders sink. It will take forever for Jason to tell the truth. He sure of this now. He can only hope it won’t take all of their two week holiday.
“I’d never want you to go to what I went through…” Scotty sighs.
“I know. I’m begging you, Scotty, let me do this in my own way, my own time… I want to be with you, but, right now, I have no idea how to deal with this…”
“Okay.” Scotty concedes reluctantly.
END OF PART 3