THIS IS AN AU(=Alternate universe) so things will be most likely different from the original version. Read at your own risk. Don't blame me if you don't like what you read! Not set in any time/place in particular.
About: Kevin & Scotty ( with Chad & Jason dropping by occassionally)
Disclaimer: Merely borrowing the characters, no harm will come to them. (I think...) Written with love not for money.
Rate: I'm going for NC-17 eventually. :)
Summery: Scotty could use a vacation.... So could Kevin...
Not even 7 o’clock in the morning. Scotty and Kevin are still very much asleep and Scotty has the most peculiar dream. He sees himself lying on the bed, with several weirdly shaped creatures around him. He can hear them talk and he realizes that it must be the voices in his head.
“You’re in love, in love, in love…” A voice sings in his head.
“I can’t be.” Says his logical side.
“But you are, you are, you are...” The voice sings in reply.
“Someone like Kevin will not fall in love with me.” Refutes Logic.
“But you can fall in love with him.” sings Taunting Voice. Logic can see the logic and remains quiet. Taunting Voice becomes less secure.
“It’s going to end in heartache.” It says.
“Yes. It most likely will.” Logic sighs.
“But maybe….” Emotion starts…
“No. No maybe. Don’t dream. Dreams don’t come true. Not for me.” Logic cuts her off.
“The way he looks at you…” Emotion points out.
“I wouldn’t be a successful male prostitute if I looked like a gargoyle.” Logic explains patiently.
“He came back for you.” Good trick pulled by Emotion.
“It’s just sex.” Logic shakes it’s head.
“What if it isn’t?” Emotion asks stubbornly.
“He’s a lawyer….” Logic acts as if it’s says something.
“So what? Lawyers fall in love…..?” Emotion reminds Logic.
“Not with someone like me.” Logic is very sure.
“I think he could be in love with me.” Emotion shrugs her pretty little shoulders.
“But what if he isn’t? I don’t want a broken heart….”
Scotty opens his eyes. Lying on his back he looks at the wooden beams on the ceiling.
“So? Finally decided to wake up?” Scotty looks at the man beside him and he knows it. Kevin is the man who makes his heart beat faster. He knows that he’s in love with this man. And he has known it for months.
“Hey? Why the sad look?” Kevin asks.
“Nothing. It’s all so perfect here. I could dream all day… Have you been awake long?”
“No. Just about half an hour. I’ve been thinking.”
“Anything in particular?”
“My parents want to sell this place.”
“Sell it?” Scotty is shocked. Not this perfect dream-place?!
“I’ve been thinking about buying it. What do you think?”
“Can you afford it?”
“Easily. I sold everything I had with Guy. And my father would sell me the place for a fair price…. Do you like it?”
“I’m not the one buying it.” Scotty says.
“Yes, but I feel like you should have a say in this.”
“You’re my boyfriend.” Kevin answers, not getting why Scotty reacts the way he does.
“I am?” Scotty is genuinely surprised by Kevin’s words. He had never thought of himself as Kevin’s ‘boyfriend’.
In fact he never really gave his relationship with Kevin any name. He cannot imagine Kevin would be seriously interested in a long-term relationship. After each night that theY sleep together, he expects to hear that it was the last time and that Kevin is moving on, and moving away from him.
“Of course you are, and I’m not going to make decisions about our future without giving you a say in it.”
“Our future?” Scotty repeats. “ Kevin…” Feeling a protest come up, Kevin put his finger on Scotty’s lips.
“Why can we not discuss our future? I thought you liked me…? Perhaps even a little more than ‘liking’ only?” Kevin is playful with his question, but Scotty knows that he’s serious. Blood rushes to Scotty’s cheeks. Was he that obvious? Scotty turns away.
“I’m hungry. I need something to eat.” He says curtly and he slips out of the bed.
He grabs his bathrobe and he’s out of the door before Kevin realizes what’s going on. Kevin bites his lip. Had he offended Scotty? Was Scotty perhaps not that interested in him after all? Still, … there had been no need to run off as if he had been chased by the Devil. That was just rude.
Scotty’s out of breath by the time he reaches the kitchen. Had Kevin really spoken in terms of a future, a ‘we’, an ‘us’ , an ‘our’? He looks up at the living-room where Kevin and he had spend the previous night, reading, drinking wine, quiet, calm, peaceful.. Together…
In his mind’s eye he can see two old men sitting on the couch together. Kevin and him. The mere idea chokes him up. If he had expected to grow old, it had never seriously crossed his mind that it could be with someone. He had somehow always expected himself to grow old alone. Perhaps with a cat.
He had been alone all his life. Parents died at a young age, several foster-care homes, eventually becoming a runaway child. Trust no one. Let no one close. It will end in heartbreak.… He had grown to trust Chad and Jason. Eventually. Even though it had taken quite some time. And then there had been Kevin….
He sits down, not noticing that Kevin enters the kitchen and sees how upset Scotty is. Scotty rubs his face to prevent the tears from coming.
“It can’t be…. Stop it, Scotty!” Scotty tells himself out loud.
“Scotty?” Kevin’s voice is soft, but it startles Scotty nonetheless.
Kevin walks up to Scotty and brushes a tear away with his thumb.
“Why are you so upset, baby? Is it really that inconceivable to you that I could love you?” Scotty heaves a deep sigh, as if he’s been holding his breath. “Because I do love you. I love you so much… And I thought you felt the same.”
“But you can’t be…. You can’t be in love with me. I’m just a bad apple. Jason and Chad told me that you loved your work as a lawyer and that you wanted to become a judge... Don’t you understand? … With my past, no one would take you serious. My past will stop you from having the future you want.”
Kevin shakes his head and kisses Scotty softly on the lips.
“You’re wrong. And so are Jason and Chad. Becoming a judge was Guy’s dream for me. It was not my dream….. I have no idea what I want to do with my life right now, because I began to realize that a lot of the ideas, that I thought were mine, were in fact Guy’s.
I have no idea anymore, what I, Kevin Walker, want for my future… There’s only one thing that I’m sure of…. I know that I want you, Scotty Wandell, to play a very significant part in my life…..” He takes Scotty’s hands. They are so cold and he warms them up between his own.
“I’m not sure that I’d be of any use… I’ve been alone all my life. Enough lovers, but that’s not the same. I’ve been alone, done everything alone and I’ve always had to fight my own battles…. I’m scared that I don’t know how to be a partner…”
“We’ll work through it…. If you love me too?”
And suddenly Scotty swallows hard. This is it. He looks Kevin straight in the eyes.
“I do…. I …. Yeah, I love … you too….” The words are hesitant, but Kevin can see that it’s not doubt, but he suspects that it’s just that Scotty had never said the words to someone before.
They both laugh nervously, not sure what to do next. They just look at each other, each surprised by the silly completely-in-love grin they see on the other man’s face.
“So,…. What do we do now?” Scotty asks.
“Have breakfast?” Kevin suggests, but his kiss shows that he'd rather do something else.
Walking along the creek again, and this time staying safely on the shore, Scotty takes Kevin’s arm. They’ve been talking about the land, the family-ranch and the possibilities it offers. Scotty wonders if it’s not too big for them, something Kevin agrees with. But at the same time, Scotty doesn’t want this beautiful little spot to get lost either.
They talk about how they will handle the ranch here and restaurant in town, with no clue what Kevin wants to do with his life, even though nor he, nor Scotty have any immediate concerns about money. Scotty has to concede that, even though he loves to cook, he’s not a chef-cook and therefore he feels that the kitchen shouldn’t rest on his shoulders alone.
They agree that someone else needs to be taught to run the kitchen as well. And the current substitute cook, Angie, would be perfect for the job. That will also lift the tension away from Scotty and allow him more chance to also be a good host as well. Kevin promises that he will help Scotty as much as he can and that, for now, he’ll continue his work as a lawyer to be near Scotty.
As they talk their enthusiasm grows and the words ‘we’, ‘us’ and ‘our’ drop more often than ever before. Suddenly Kevin stops and Scotty nearly falls backwards from the immediate stop.
“What’s wrong?” Scotty asks.
“We’re beginning to sound like an old married couple.” Kevin says.
“We do, don’t we?” Scotty smiles.
“This may be the weirdest question to ask right now, but, … with everything falling place, for both you and me. And with all our plans and all our wishes and all our desire to make our dreams come true…. It just … I mean…. It would simply be the most logical step…. Will you marry me?”
“What?” Scotty’s mouth falls open. That had been just about the last question he had expected.
Kevin looks around at the wet ground, with lots of dead leaves.
“I know, it’s not the most romantic proposal, I could do better…. Maybe I could get on one knee, and everything…”
“No, don’t!” Scotty replies immediately.
Feeling that Scotty will reject him, Kevin immediately shuts him up with a kiss and while Scotty is trying to catch his breath again, Kevin starts to argue his case:
“Don’t say ‘no’ straightaway. I know it’s sudden, but at the same time it’s not. You said you love me and I know that I love you. And we both dream of this future that has both of us in it, as partners, as lovers, as a couple, so why not make it official? I know, your past… you said it bothered you how others would react, well, I’ve thought about it, but I don’t care what others think or say about this.
We both have quite a lot of emotional baggage, but we’re both working through it and mostly together, especially these last few weeks. I feel that what we have is unique and we should just go for it. So, please, don’t say ‘no’ immediately, just think it over first?”
Kevin isn‘t sure if he has convinced Scotty.
“Kevin….” Scotty sighs. He can see the longing in Kevin ‘s eyes, the love and care that is on the face of the man he loves, he can also see that Kevin is mentally preparing for the turn-down of his proposal. Scotty shakes his head. “What if I want to say ‘yes’?”
“Then,…. Don’t let me stop you.” Kevin answers breathlessly, hope showing up in his eyes
Scotty takes a deep breath and then laughs.
“Yes. Yes. The answer is ‘alright’, ‘I do’, I want this too.” Their kiss is long and tasting for more.
“I’m sorry that it wasn’t the most romantic proposal ever…” Kevin apologizes softly.
“It’s why I love you so much.” Scotty smiles and he takes Kevin in his arms and kisses him.
“Kev?” Scotty’s voice is heavy with sleep. Kevin mumbles some ‘mhmm-mm’ before focusing his attention from his book to Scotty. Scotty continues. “Can we just elope? Just a quick and quiet wedding? I just… I don’t know, I don’t want some big party or something. I will only make me aware of how few friends I have and the non-existence of my own family….”
There’s so much loneliness in the question that Kevin now really turns towards Scotty. He can see the pain in Scotty’s eyes and he brushes away a little tear.
“Whatever you want, baby. I already had the fancy shindig. Didn’t bring me ‘love eternal’ and it’s your wedding too…” Kevin answers.
END OF CHAPTER TWELVE