ON THE LIFE OF OTHERS 05/20
About: The Walkers and a few others.
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: The effect that Kevin has had… in the life of others. The war between gratitude and jealousy: TommyWritten for the Love-Bingo prompt: fatherhood
*****CHAPTER FIVE: TOMMY : FATHERHOOD
*****310 - Just a sliver
"I'm not her biological father." Tommy confesses to the doctor.
"We had sperm donated." Julia explains.
"I see."The doctor nods that she understands the problem.
"One of my brothers is the donor. We just..uhm... we don't know which one."
"Well. I think we'd better find out." The doctor replies practically.
It isn’t as if he hadn’t guessed it himself. Elizabeth’s curls are just a giveaway. No one on Julia’s side has them. And neither has Sarah or Kitty, much to their sadness. Not even Tommy himself or Justin has them. But Kevin has them, not only when he was a kid, but even now, whenever his hair would get wet, the curls would appear again.
Still, seeing it written, black on white, on a sheet of paper, unable to make it go away, it leaves Tommy feeling uncomfortable. This confirms that Kevin is Elizabeth’s biological father and that he should be the one who should give up a piece of his liver to save Elizabeth. Tommy sits down, not sure what to feel or say.
Kevin. It’s Kevin. It plays in his head like a broken record. Kevin. It’s Kevin. Kevin is the reason that he has his beautiful daughter. The light of his life. Tommy knows he has many flaws, but his love for Elizabeth had been unconditional from the moment he had been allowed to touch her the first time. So tiny, so breakable, so strong and with such a struggle of life ahead of her…
It’s Kevin. Kevin, who got Julia pregnant… That feels weird… He knows that nothing ever happened between Kevin and Julia, but …. Elizabeth is Kevin’s and Julia’s …. And his… Could have been Justin’s, but … she is not… She’s Kevin’s child… It says so. Black on white. On this piece of paper….
“Mr Walker? Perhaps you should inform your brother?....” The doctor suggests and Tommy nods numbly. He puts the piece of paper in his pocket and goes to find Kevin. The thousand and one thoughts in his mind all lead to that same sentence. Kevin is Elizabeth’s biological father.
In his mind he can hear Kevin’s voice again.“… Plus, we can’t keep secrets in this family…. How long would it be until his friends at school find out that his biological dad is actually his gay uncle?....”
Tommy had not expected that anyone would ever find out.
Elizabeth is his. Not Justin’s, or Kevin’s. Never was. Never will be. No one ever had to know… But now he knows. He knows that she’s Kevin’s and not his… and the ache that he could not make Julia pregnant, that feeling of failure nearly suffocates him. But he cannot wait and think things over. Elizabeth needs surgery.
“Here you are…” Tommy is glad to have found Kevin… and Scotty and Justin. “Listen, I just spoke to the doctors and .. uhm… She needs the transplant…” He tries avoiding looking at Kevin.
“God, Tommy, are you okay?” Justin asks.
“Yes, I’m fine.” A quick look at Kevin, who seems to wait for the rest. “Everything’s fine…” Time to face the monster head on… He looks straight at Kevin. “Kevin, it’s you.” Somehow Tommy isn’t surprised that Kevin isn’t shocked. It’s almost as if Kevin had expected this. Kevin’s eyes search for Scotty’s, before he focuses on Tommy again.
“Really?” Kevin asks, but it seems more like a formality, than a question.
“Yeah.” Tommy confirms.
“Okay.” Kevin answers and he puts away the hospital food.
“They want to run so more tests, make sure that you never had hepatitis and stuff like that…” Would they want to know if Kevin could be HIV-positive? Tommy suddenly wonders and hopes that his brother has kept himself safe over the years.
“Yeah. Sure.” Kevin nods quickly that he understands. He doesn’t seem too worried about that test, which makes Tommy more relieved.
“Congratulations.” Tommy hears Justin say to Kevin and he’s glad to see that Kevin is as bewildered, about Justin’s words, as he is.
“He can pass out the cigars later. We got to get to the lab…” Tommy replies and he turns around.
He feels a sudden urge to run away, to no longer be here and deal with the fact that Kevin is… Elizabeth’s father… It makes him sick with sadness that she’s not his own. And at the same time he’s so grateful that she’s in his life and that Kevin is the one who made it possible.
And he’s grateful that Kevin doesn’t think twice about being there for Elizabeth. Tommy knows that Kevin will doing anything to keep her safe. And ultimately it won’t change anything. Even if Elizabeth is, biologically, Kevin’s child. He, Tommy Walker, will always be her father.