Rate: It’s about the boys, so I suppose NC-17 is inevitable.
Disclaimer: I don’t own B&S. Written with love not for money.
Summary: AU. A friend of William Walker asks Kevin a favor. Kevin isn’t interested… Not at first anyway.
As this is an Alternate Universe, this means that the characters CAN be different than in the canon-version. If you can't handle that the characters will act in an uncharacteristic way, don't read this story. Nobody's putting a gun to your head, saying that you MUST read it. That is your free choice. It is my free choice to write the characters the way I want them to be in this story. ~ Love and peace. :)
Scotty’s stomach clenches when he sees Kevin walk up to him. He had read the file, as Kevin had asked him to, but he had been worried that Kevin wouldn’t stick to his side of the bargain, but Kevin enters Café 429 and walks straight up to Scotty.
“Did you read it?” He asks, still standing.
“Good-evening to you too.” Scotty replies sarcastically.
“Did you?” Kevin doesn’t allow himself to get distracted.
“I said I would and I did.” Scotty answers stiffly. His words make Kevin pull back a chair and sit down opposite of Scotty.
“Good-evening.” He then says without much warmth. “I didn’t like to get blackmailed into this dinner and I had to make sure, that you kept to your promise.”
“Can we be civil with each other now, you think?”
“This is about as civil as I intend to get with you.” Kevin says.
Scotty decides to grab the bull by the horns.
“Is this still over what happened 10 years ago?” He asks and the look on Kevin’s face makes an answer unnecessary. “Come on. I’m sorry. I never meant to embarrass you. I was fourteen years old, for the first time realizing that I was gay and I saw you and I….”
Fell in love. Hopelessly. Endlessly. Totally. Completely. Mindlessly. And in a very obsessive way too…. Kevin had been like a drug, intoxicating Scotty with a simple smile. Just a kind ‘hello’ had sent Scotty into the stratosphere. And perhaps his went a little overboard with his passion for the young man who was 10 years older than him.
Kevin’s entire body-language expresses how much he loathes to talk about it, but Scotty cannot let it rest. He desperately wants Kevin to stop being angry at him over something that happened, when he was an ugly teenager with an overactive imagination, who had just started to explore his body and question his sexuality.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kevin says between clenched teeth.
“Kevin. I understand. I acted like a love-sick puppy. I was fourteen. You were twenty-four. I never felt for anyone what I felt for you. It was so all-consuming, I know, but was it really that bad? Isn’t there some ‘awww’-factor in there somewhere?” Scotty wants to know.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” There’s so much hatred in Kevin’s voice that Scotty hardly dares to shake his head. “A lot of people around me wondered why a kid like you would be so interested in me? They wondered what triggered your insanity? It was beyond puppy-love.
And, at first, they made stupid jokes, about the love-letters you would send me, or the presents you bought me from what little pocket-money you got from your parents. And then the atmosphere changed and slowly, as your fixation on me continued and I couldn’t make you stop… that’s when the jokes turned into accusations….”
“Accusations?” Scotty repeats.
“Exactly. The general consensus was that a 14-year old kid doesn’t fall for a guy 10 years older than him, unless he gets encouraged to do so…. Do you know what they call people who can’t keep their hands off of kids?
Do you know what it feels like when your friends turn away from you because they think that you might be a pedophile? Or worse… They are sure you are a pedophile?... I was in a relationship, but he couldn’t deal with the backlash of it all.
I wanted to be a lawyer, make partner. But with a stigma like that? ….. Forget it! I saw my life ruined because of lies and rumors that got spread about me. And all that was because you had some stupid, idiotic crush on me… I barely exchanged two words with you… And, yet, you ruined my life.”
There’s so much pain and frustration in Kevin’s words. Scotty is as white as a sheet. He had never realized that Kevin went through a hell over his infatuation.
“I’m sorry…” He says, but there’s no voice to his words. He’s too shocked by Kevin’s sadness and pain.
“I can’t do this…. I just can’t. i don't want to be near you.” Kevin jumps up and literally flees from Scotty sight, leaving Scotty behind all hurt and confused. Scotty rubs his temples, not sure what he can or should do. He had always known that his feelings weren’t reciprocated, but he had never known the extend of the damage he had done….
“I wondered, is there a phone I could use? I need to call for a cab and my phone is dead…” Scotty asks at the bar.
“I’ll ask the manager.” The young lady answers with a friendly smile and a few seconds later she motions Scotty to come with her.
“You can use that phone over there. Since most people have cell-phones these days, we didn’t have a new pay-phone installed when we re-opened a year ago.” She explains sweetly. “But this is our manager’s telephone and here’s the list of cab-companies…”
“Thank you very much…”
Scotty checks the list and is about to dial one of the numbers when an older man enters the small room.
“It was foolish of you, Scotty, to blackmail Kevin into a dinner with you.” He says without further introduction.
“I’m sorry… You are…?” The man seems familiar to Scotty, but he can’t remember from where.
“I’m Saul Holden, Kevin’s uncle. Kevin made the reservations here, knowing he would be safe here and that I’d keep an eye on you two.”
“I’m sorry I hurt him… I just want to go home… I never thought… I never knew, that… I don’t know….. I never meant to hurt him.” Scotty stammers. “I so arrogantly demanded this dinner from him… I had no right to do so. I thought it was ridiculous that he was so angry and insulted over some crush that a 14-year had on him, I never realized it went deeper and further than that, and that he got hurt really bad…. I feel so awful.”
Saul can see that Scotty has trouble holding back his tears and he thaws a bit.
“I know, it must be hard. Wally and William… and to a certain extent, Kevin as well, … they agreed that there was no reason for you to know. You were a kid… You were only fourteen… It was bad enough that you had inadvertently wrecked Kevin’s life.
Kevin may not have been interested in you, but William and Nora, my sister, knew of all the issues you had. You had enough teenage-angst, the acne-problem, your glasses, your low self-esteem, your inability to accept your homo-sexuality at first and how you fought your feelings…
What if, on top of all that, you had also known that you had caused serious damage to the life of the man that you had been crushing on..?” Scotty can see the logic in Saul’s explanation.
“I wish someone had told me. I wouldn’t have so arrogantly blackmailed him into dinner with me... I hope Kevin is alright.”
“He’s in my room upstairs. He’ll be fine.”
“You live here?”
“I own the restaurant.” Saul reminds Scotty. “Why don’t you relax a bit and let me call a taxi for you? Have a drink at the bar...?”
“Kevin,…” Saul is glad to see his nephew is still in his apartment. “Scotty is waiting outside for a taxi. You have to talk to him.”
“He feels awful. Just terrible and … he feels guilty too.”
“He was just a kid. How could he have known or even understood? He knows about it now and he’s hurting, because he never meant for this to happen to you. You have to talk to him and …. Maybe you should consider forgiving him….”
The look Kevin gives his uncle says that Kevin is miles away from forgiveness. Saul sighs.
“Will you at least bring him home? He’s Wally’s son. And Wally and Scotty are important to your dad.” Saul reminds Kevin. With a deep groan, Kevin picks up his jacket and, after a quick hug, he leaves Saul’s apartment.
Scotty is incredibly quiet on the drive back to his place. He had been glad to see Kevin and hear him speak to Scotty in a less hostile way, but he hadn’t forgotten what Kevin had said to him.
“It’s number 43…” Scotty points at a house.
“Here you are.” Kevin stops and Scotty nods quietly.
“I’m never going to see you again, am I?” He asks.
“I hope not.” Kevin answers. There isn’t that much light, but Scotty can see how tense Kevin is.
“For what it’s worth. I’m sorry. I never …. I never knew…. I wouldn’t have been so arrogant with you, if I had known… I apologize for being such an idiot.”
“It’s alright. I know that dad and Wally decided to keep you in the dark about this. There was no reason to tell you….”
“Looking back, I know that my behavior was incredibly naïf and silly,.. and.. and … and embarrassing. Especially those stupid love-letters….” Scotty rolls his eyes at the memory. Kevin remains quiet after Scotty’s words, until he answers, more gentle than he had been so far all evening:
“I hope that your spelling and handwriting have improved over the years….”
“Spelling, yes. Handwriting? Not so much.” Scotty answers.
Is it just a play of light or did he see a hint of a smile on Kevin’s face…
“Can you forgive me? Please? I ….I was just a kid… I never knew… what it was exactly that I had done to you… It never even occurred to me that someone would believe that you would have been coming on to me…. That never happened. You hardly noticed that I existed.”
“Scotty… It’s okay… Just let it go. It happened in the past, I’ve gotten over it before. It was a lot of hard work, but I did it…. This has brought back a lot of negative feelings, but … I’ll can deal with those as well. Eventually. It’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” Scotty asks.
“Yeah…” Kevin answers softly.
“Then… I’d better go… Just get out of your car and… go inside…” He stares at his house.
“You’d better.” Kevin agrees with a nod. Scotty swallows hard. After tonight, he will never see Kevin again….
This makes him feel sad. He had been just a child, but he still remembers his feelings from those days. He remembers his dreams. He remembers how he would imagine what it would feel like to have Kevin kiss him…. Scotty starts to feel nauseous as the memories of a very lonely confused boy come back to him.
“Kevin?” Scotty’s voice is very little in dark and Kevin turns to look at him. At the same moment Scotty presses his lips on Kevin’s. The kiss is clumsy, but Scotty, knowing he won’t get a second chance, puts everything into the kiss and for a moment, it seems as if Kevin will give in to the kiss, when Kevin’s hands grab Scotty’s shoulders.
He shoves Scotty away with quite some strength and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as if he would like to erase Scotty’s kiss.
“Are you completely insane? Who gave you the right to kiss me? You’re unbelievable. You’re completely sick! Here I sat trying to forgive you and then you do this!? Get it through that thick skull of yours… I’m not interested in you! I’m in love with someone else! I’m in a relationship!”
Kevin’s words cut through Scotty like a knife. He hadn’t even thought of that possibility that Kevin could have someone else! All he had thought about were his own feelings. He never considered what it would mean to Kevin.
“I’m sorry. I knew it was my last chance…” Scotty whispers, nearly in tears by now.
“I don’t want to hear any more lies and excuses! Just get the hell out of my car!” Kevin orders and Scotty opens the door and nearly falls out the car in his haste to get out and the last thing Kevin sees is the devastated look on Scotty’s face.
END OF PART 2