About: Kevin/Scotty and a lot of others
Rate: G for sure, maybe higher. Just read it. ;)
Disclaimer: B&S is not mine and neither are K/S, which is too bad, because I could have had so much fun with them. ;)
Summary: Challenge by yinyang077: "What if Kevin and Scotty in fact could not make the marriage work after the Cheating Saga and got separated! And Kevin is back dating Jason (I don’t believe I just said that)! Scotty Finds out about Daniel? Will Scotty Tell Kevin? Will Kevin fall in love with Scotty again? Take that MAREA67!!!!!” ……
Well, consider it ‘taken’. ;)
May – The accident happens. Robert dies a few days later. Holly remains mentally damaged. Justin gos to Iraq, leaving the distraught Rebecca behind. Luc and Sarah split up (well, the accident must have a positive impact as well somewhere!). Saul doesn't handle the fact that he's HIV+ well. Then things get aggravated when, a few days after the accident, Kevin and Scotty hear that Michelle, 3 months pregnant at the time, has lost their baby.
Aug – Café 429 opens. Kevin doesn’t show up. Scotty, angry, cheats on him.
Sept – Scotty confesses about the cheating. Kevin leaves Scotty to live with Kitty, where he meets Jason again.
Oct – Jason & Kevin become a couple again. Kevin decides that he wants an end to his domestic partnership with Scotty, but things don’t go so smoothly. It is like both are dragging their feet.
Nov – unknown to anyone in LA, Michelle (still in New York) gives birth to a healthy baby-boy, Daniel. He’s Scotty’s & Kevin’s child.
Dec – Kevin and Jason get closer to each other. Kevin is close to finalizing the end of his relationship with Scotty. Scotty no longer seems to care anymore either.
“Noooooo!” With a yell Kevin sits up straight in his bed.
“Easy, baby,….” A hand caresses his back and Kevin turns to look at Jason, who’s lying beside him. “It’s just a nightmare…” Jason says soothingly.
“I thought I was over it. I hadn’t had one in weeks.” Kevin wipes the sweat from his face.
“Still about the accident…?” Jason asks. Kevin nods.
“I’m getting myself some hot milk and calm down…” Kevin sighs.
“I’ll come with you.”
“No. You have to be in church early tomorrow. I’m sorry I woke you. Try to get some sleep.”
There’s something in Kevin’s whole attitude that tells Jason that he’s not in the mood for comfort. Jason has learned to read Kevin rather well over these last few months. There are things Kevin needs to do on his own.
“If you need me….” He says therefore and Kevin nods again.
“I know.” Kevin places a quick kiss on Jason’s lips before he gets out of bed.
He watches how Jason turns over and how he tries to get back to sleep and Kevin quietly goes to the kitchen. Within a minute the micro-wave has heated his milk and Kevin can sit down behind his laptop. The room is dark, so the pictures on his screen hit him with even more contrast.
With everything that happened he had felt the strong need to put his feelings into words and he had opened an account on LiveJournal, something he never believed he would do, but the lawyer in him needed the words, needed the comfort of well-constructed sentences to create order in the chaos in his head.
No one knows he has it. Nothing in the user-name hints to him. It’s locked and no one but Kevin can read it and he makes sure that he logs off every time he comes here. He logs in again and the meaningless first page that signals that the journal is locked becomes a list of posts.
He scrolls back to the start of the journal, last August. Five months ago. It’s feels like an eternity…
“I need this or I’ll go crazy. I cannot understand anymore what has happened to me. How can a man go from being completely happy, in love, expecting a child and feeling loved and cherished to ….. the person I am today….?”
It was all he had written in his first post. Oh, there had been more, so much more behind those few words, but he had been unable to find the words to describe how bad his situation really was. He had been a total mess. A worthless loser. Some pathetic man unable to hold the pieces of his life together in a time when it had to be done.
On the other hand, how can you describe what it’s like to see a friend wither away in a hospital-bed ? A man you once knew as athletic, funny and sometimes annoying as hell. A friend who had now been turned into pot plant. And all this in less than a few seconds that it takes to have an accident?
Are there words to say to your sister who got confronted with the choice to either pull the plug or continue his life with no real hope of any sort of recovery? All Kevin had been able to do was stand at the foot of the bed as Kitty cried desperately on one side and Jason prayed quietly on the other. There were no words then to describe his loneliness.
How do you explain the frustration of seeing Sarah’s relationship to Luc getting destroyed because Sarah threw herself completely in her work, feeling she owed it to Holly and Nora to make their new family-company bigger and better than everything else on this planet, losing track of her own life and love in the process. And all he could do was stand by and watch.
Is there a sentence that could explain how it feels to caught in the middle of the fight between your brother and your sister-in-law, realizing that both Rebecca and Justin were right. Of course, Rebecca had the right to have her husband by her side, supporting her through the tough days of Holly’s slow return to ther living.
But at the same time, Justin desperately wanted to go to Iraq. Right or wrong, it was something he felt he had to do. It seemed that the things that were right for themselves wasn’t right for their partner and it tore them further apart than the distance between America and Iraq ever could have.
And then there was Saul... HIV+. Saul was dealing with this on his own. He didn't want or need his family for that. Well, not the first week anyway. It had left Kevin feeling powerless. It had made him feel unwanted somehow. It had taken Saul decades to trust his family with his homosexuality. When would he reach out those he needed the most?
In what words can you explain what it feels like to lose a child on top of everything else that was going on? Are there words for something like that? And then, just when he had thought that he was slowly clawing his way out his misery.. there had been Scotty…. Scotty, who had sat at their table and had stammered his way through his confession that he had cheated on Kevin…
Kevin closes his eyes. Maybe that had hurt the most. It had been too much. That final cut that had run too deep. He had felt too lost. The water in which he had been slowly drowning had just gotten too deep to stay afloat. he had been too tired to swim and he had simply let everything wash over him, he had just closed his eyes and sunk to the bottom of some abyss….
His computer bleeps and Kevin is taken out of his thoughts. On the bottom of his screen he sees that Jordan has just accessed Skype. At two in the morning? Kevin quickly goes to put himself off-line, not wishing anyone to know that he’s awake, but he’s too late. Jordan seeks contact and after a few seconds of deliberation, Kevin accepts.
“Hey.” Jordan says. He looks tired. Kevin guesses he just came back from work.
“Hi.” Kevin replies. “Just off work?”
“Yes. It was a long day. You?”
“I see... Have you spoken to Scotty lately?”
“No. I never want to talk to him again now that the divorce is nearly settled.”
“If you seek contact in an attempt to change my mind, … forget it.”
“I’m not. I just want you to know that Scotty is in bad place too.”
“I’m not in a bad place. Not anymore.”
“No. You found salvation in God and your minister.” Jordan’s words are more bitter than he’d planned and so he immediately says. “Sorry.”
“No. You’re right. When I was down, and I mean really down, Jason was there for me….”
“I’m glad. Scotty is still alone.”
“He should have thought about that before he had sex with another guy.”
“It was a stupid, drunken one-night thing in a period when you were all in a very, very dark place.”
“I was in a dark place!” Kevin says bitterly. “We all were! Kitty! Robert! Mom! Holly! David! Justin! Rebecca! Saul! But somehow none on them saw it necessary to fuck someone else. My nearly ex-husband did.” Kevin rubs his temples. “I’m sorry. I … I can’t forgive, let alone forget.”
“You know what? I’m sorry I brought it up. It’s too late in the night for this and it’s too late in the relationship for this too. You two have split up and …” Jordan shrugs.
“I appreciate your concern. Be a good friend to Scotty, alright?” Kevin asks.
“You’re a friend of mine as well.” Jordan says.
“Maybe don’t I just go to bed, before I make things worse?” Jordan wonders softly.
“Good idea. Sleep well.” Kevin laughs sweetly and he closes all communications and switches off Skype to make sure that no one will disturb him again.
“He’s right, you know.”
“Jason! You startled me!”
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t get back to sleep and I suddenly heard you talk… wanted to see who you were talking to… He’s right. You and Scotty haven’t spoken to each other dirctly in nearly four months. This will continue to haunt you until you deal with Scotty.”
“I can’t. Scotty cheated on me. He couldn’t stay faithful to me. I could never trust him again. No. There is no way to find a solution. I could never forgive him for what he did. It was the worst period in my life….”
“And he should have been there for you?”
“Even though you weren’t there for him?” Jason gently reminds Kevin of his own mistakes. Kevin bites his lip. Touché. He hadn’t been there for Scotty either. He breathes out calmly and closes his laptop.
“Are you trying to drive me back into Scotty’s arms?”
Kevin makes an effort to make it sound very teasing and not as an reproach. It seems to work because Jason smiles and wraps his arms around Kevin.
“No. I’m not. I just don’t want you to have regrets.”
“I have none. Scotty and I are through. We have nothing left to talk about.”
“Are you sure?”
“Good, because then I’m going to take you to bed and show you how much I want to keep you.” Jason promises and he takes Kevin’s hand.
“And what did Kevin say?” Scotty wants to know. Jordan plays with his cup before answering with regret on his face.
“… That he doesn’t want to talk to you. Not ever again…. I guess he’s still very hurt… But I also think Mr Minister isn’t helping.”
Scotty sighs and sinks down on one of the stools at the bar.
“I cannot blame this on Jason. Things were rough with Robert dying in the hospital and Kitty completely devastated by the loss. Jason is Robert’s brother, Kevin is Kitty’s brother. They had a history…
They both tried to be there for Robert, for Kitty, for the McCallisters, for the Walkers… And all along I just tried to drown my sorrow by working my ass off to get this restaurant ready. I thought that,… if only …. If only this place would open…, if only I could get some routine back in our lives… If only…. I don’t know… If only…”
His shoulders sink and Jordan feels sorry for Scotty. And for Kevin.
“You two didn’t deserve this.”
“We lost each other… Me in my work and by my cheating. Kevin needed me and I wasn’t there.”
“And you needed him and he wasn’t there either.” Jordan reminds him.
“No. But can I really compare the two? I mean, he wasn’t there for my successful opening-night, after I had worked like an idiot, day and night, to get this place up and running… I was so angry with him, for not being there.
But he wasn’t there, because he was drowning his misery in a bottle of gin, in a bar not far away from here…. Kevin had lost his brother-in-law, and Justin was still in Iraq, where death looms as well. He was watching Kitty fall apart and then there was Justin’s marriage too…. It was all so tough… And he couldn’t get over the loss of our baby…”
“You both lost your baby. You lost him or her too.”
“I know… It’s not the same. The loss of Robert or Holly’s condition didn’t affect me personally. Not as much as it did Kevin. I was already back to building up my life in the aftermath of the accident and Michelle's news, while Kevin was still in a very bad place.
I was moving on… He wasn’t…. He couldn’t… There were just too many people pulling at him…. Kitty, Justin, Rebecca, Holly, Nora, …. Jason… I should have seen it. I shouldn’t have felt so sorry for myself that night at the opening when Kevin didn’t show up. I should have…” He shakes his head.
“It was your night. The opening of your restaurant…. Kevin could have made an effort….” Jordan sighs. “I, by no means, think that Kevin’s not showing up was a good reason for you to screw one of the waiters behind his back, but….”
“No. There’s no excuse for that…. None whatsoever.” Scotty admits.
“So, is your separation finalized?”
“No. Close enough though. I get to keep the restaurant. Sarah and Kevin cooked up some business-construction that allows me to keep the place and not have to pay anything to Kevin, not for now anyway..”
“You should have taken his money…” Jordan shrugs. “The aquifer brought in a lot of money. The family earns millions.”
“I know. But I never married Kevin for his money. Plus, all the money in the world couldn’t give us back our baby…” Scotty shrugs.
“Yes, but, …”
“And it’s not like Kevin left me completely penniless. Though he, or the Walkers in general, could have kicked me out of the project, they did allow me to continue to get a share of the profits. So, money is not exactly lacking…” Scotty sighs.
“And you’re still in touch with all the Walkers…” Jordan points out.
“Yes, most of them forgave me… The only one who hasn’t forgiven me is Kevin.... It’s not like I see the Walkers a lot. They are all so busy with their own lives, but they stay in touch. I’m not ostracized.”
The doorbell rings signaling that someone has come in and Scotty gets up to see what his new customer wants, but he stops with a shock, when he realizes that he recognizes the woman who just entered ‘Café 429’.
“Michelle?” He asks.
END OF PART 1/5