Behind the mask 11/?By Marea67About:
Kevin/Scotty and others.Rate:
It will have NC-17 at some point. Like today!Summary:
When Scotty has to deal with too many disasters at once, William offers him a solution that will change his life*****
Scotty slams the door closed behind him and looks around. Where is it? Where? Foolishly he first checks his drawers, before realizing that it should be in the bathroom, of course. He takes it from its hiding place, where he keeps it, because he knows that Kevin never wanted to see it, even though Scotty needs one.
He returns to his bedroom, where he suddenly feels a little light in the head. He sits down on the bed and closes his eyes, as the memory of what he had seen in Kevin’s bedroom comes back to him.
“Oh, baby, what have they done to you?” He wonders softly, as he shakes his head.
“Please? Don’t look at me… Not like that..
” he can suddenly hear Kevin beg as if Kevin’s request, from a few minutes ago, only now reaches his ears. Scotty starts to feel sick and another memory comes back to him.
“I don’t want you to see my face… Because, I know, at some point, I’m going to get
that look…I will not be able to hide myself from you anymore… if you would leave me too, I wouldn’t be able to survive… not again... I just couldn’t.
” Oh, God, Kevin! Scotty jumps up. He must have given Kevin the fright of his life…
“Kev!” He crashes back into Kevin’s bedroom only to find Kevin curled up into a ball, crying like his entire world is gone and Scotty stops from the shear impact that Kevin’s painful crying has on him. The loneliness and desperation take his breath away as if he only now can feel how lost Kevin had been.
“Kev? Baby? I’m so sorry…. I’m so sorry… I forgot…” He crawls on the bed and over to Kevin to wrap his arms around and then his legs as if he wants to envelop Kevin in his love and tenderness. Kevin stiffens and Scotty feels a wall of rejection coming at him. He will not let it happen.
He sits up and pulls Kevin up as well.
“Kev! Listen to me!” Kevin tries to turn away, but Scotty has a firm grip on Kevin’s arms and he shakes Kevin back and forth. “Listen. To. Me.” He demands now and Kevin no longer looks away from him.
Scotty isn’t sure if it makes him feel better, because now, without the veil as a security-blanket between them, he can also see the depth of Kevin’s pain and it is a shock to him. He lets go of Kevin’s arms and, as gently as he can, he cups Kevin’s face to place a kiss on Kevin’s lips, where he can taste the salty tears.
“Kev, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry
. I never meant to hurt you… I swear…” Kevin sniffs and Scotty can see that Kevin doesn’t entirely believe him. “Do you love me, Kev?” Kevin shrugs, obviously not wishing to give in. Scotty quickly shakes his head to show that this is not the attitude he wants.
“Do you love me, Kevin?” Scotty asks again. Kevin reluctantly nods. “Do you trust me?” There’s a pause as Kevin seems to have to think over the answer, but then there’s another nod. “I have here a mirror… I want you to look at yourself…” Kevin shakes his head. “Yes, you will.” Kevin shakes his head again.
“Kev, please, trust me. You will not be able to understand my shock, my horror, until you
looked in the mirror…” Scotty can now see disbelief on Kevin’s face and he realizes that it must sound absurd to tell a man, who’s disfigured, that he cannot imagine your shock at seeing his face….
“Kevin, if you have ever loved me, ever trusted me, then you should know by now, that I would never, ever, ever
purposely hurt you or want you to be upset… You must
know that.” Kevin does. He takes the mirror from Scotty’s hand. “Look at yourself…” Scotty encourages. Though he has taken the mirror, Kevin keeps his eyes closed tightly.
“You can do this. You’re one of the strongest men I know. Do it. Trust me.” Kevin holds up the mirror, but doesn’t dare to look. He shakes all over, fighting the urge to run away. He starts to feel sick. A million and one memories come back to Kevin. His parents, the doctor, Tommy, Dryden, nurses, people who came to visit him… Jason…
Blood. There had been so much of it. The bloodied bandages. His first look at his own bloodied face, the network of bloodied scratches and stitches. Red against his pale skin… There had been blood on the office floor at his dad’s company as he had dragged himself from the fire…And there had been blood, in the snow, outside, when the paramedics came for him… H
e trusts Scotty, but he’s just not ready to see his own destroyed face again… “I love you…” He hears Scotty say again… “Trust me.” With a sigh, Kevin slowly opens his eyes to face his worst nightmare...
Scotty places the cup of hot coffee in front of Kevin and he can see Kevin’s fingers wrap themselves around the cup as if to seek warmth there.
“I don’t get it. Why?” His eyes fill with tears. “Why? Why!” He yells and he picks up the mirror to look at himself again.
The face that looks back at him is older, wiser, a few more wrinkles, but definitely no longer the jig-saw puzzle it was 20 years ago. There are scars, from where the larger pieces of glass had hit him, but they aren’t the atrocious canyons that Kevin remembers them to be. The myriad of red blood-stained lines had gone, replaced by soft skin.
“I don’t know..” Scotty says. Kevin touches his own face.
“I’m not … some monster…” He says for what must the fifteenth time.
“No, you’re not…” Scotty smiles, caressing Kevin’s face. “.. but then, you never were. I’m so sorry I scared you so much this morning…
I woke up and saw you and felt like there was another man in our house. I had imagined the most horrifying things imaginable. I was prepared for some gruesome sight, deep scars, something out of a horror-movie… I didn’t expect the beautiful face I saw and, then,..
Then it dawned on me that… all these years… you were told all these awful things about yourself, by people you trusted… And… I have no words for how shocked and disgusted I was that someone, anyone
, would put you through this…. I just … I still don’t understand… how anyone can do this?…”
“Me neither… This is not something that miraculously happened over the last few months, this must have taken a lot longer to happen. Dryden must have known. And if he did, why keep it a secret? I could have had more of a life. I would never be on the cover of a magazine, but I could have travelled, seen my family, have friends….”
“Have Jason?” Scotty asks with a sad look on his face.
“Why? Are… you no longer interested in me, now that you’ve seen my face?” Kevin asks and Scotty is grateful that Kevin can no longer hide behind a veil, because he can see the genuine fear and concern in Kevin's eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes.
“I am. I’m still very interested… But… now that you know, I thought that maybe you’d want to try and get him back…?”
“So you can hold Chad’s hand?” Kevin asks gently, without accusation. Scotty shakes his head.
“I’m over Chad.”
“I’m over Jason, but I’m still in love with you.” Kevin confesses taking Scotty’s hand. The smile that Scotty gives him says more than a 1000 words could. “Now that all options are more open... Do you like living here? Or would you rather return to London?”
“I love it here. And if I could just occasionally see Justin, I’d be the happiest guy in the world.”
“And you’re sure you want to stay with me?”
“Yes.” Scotty answers.
“Good, because, for a long time, I thought I would be incapable to be happy, I have basically missed my life and I never thought I would be so lucky again to come home to someone who’s kind and caring … But that is what I have now and I’m so completely, completely
I love with you…. I even love the things about you that I hate….
Because you make me see that I didn’t have to have to be anyone other than myself…. and… will you marry me?”
“Whah?” Scotty gives him a stunned look.
“I mean it. Will you marry me?”
Scotty’s head spins with emotions. He can see how Kevin bites his lower lip. He can see the fear of rejection is his eyes, but also hope of acceptance of his proposal. He can see a love that he has never seen before in anyone else’s eyes. His eyes fill with tears and he wraps his arms around Kevin’s neck.
“Yes, Kevin, I’ll marry you….” He whispers.
END OF CHAPTER ELEVENHEY GUYS!!! Sorry, this story is NOT over yet, but I'm taking a break from posting it. In a few days, I'll be leaving for a short holiday (about a week) with my family and I don't have internet-access there (we believe). I still have a million things to do before I leave and little time to write. But Kevin/Scotty will still have few things to deal with. Chad. Jason. Dryden. The family. The wedding. (Or not?) But this was a nice place to take a pause and catch our breaths.
The next chapter will definately be up on Sunday 29 July, (maybe earlier, but I cannot garantuee that).
Love to all of you. ;)