Inspired by the fanfic on Matthew Rhys' forum, I came to this little walk down memory-lane for Kevin/Scotty.Dear Diary.... By Marea67About:
: B&S doesn’t belong to meSummary:
Discovering that Olivia has a diary leads to some reminiscing between Kevin and Scotty.
“No!” Olivia screams, scaring Scotty half to death.
“What?!” Scotty asks back.
“Don’t do that.” She says in a slightly softer tone of voice.
“I’m just changing the sheets on your bed?” Scotty doesn’t understand.
Kevin, having heard Olivia’s yell, leans against the doorpost watching his husband and his daughter.
“Let me guess? Secret diary hidden under the sheets, under your pillow?” He’s a bit amused when he sees how Olivia’s eyes widen.
“How did you know? … Did you read it?” Olivia now wants to know.
“'Course not. I read your aunt Kitty’s diary though, when I was a kid, she used to hide it in the same place.” Kevin answers with a wink.
“But you didn’t read mine
?” Olivia asks, just to be sure.
“No. I’d be violating a certain trust you should be able to have in me.”
Olivia tries to figure out what his words mean exactly, but then gives a sigh of relief.
“This means, young lady, that if you don’t want Scotty to see your diary, you’ll have to either clean your own bed or find an another place to hide it.” Kevin points out and Olivia nods.
Kevin and Scotty quickly change the sheets and Olivia, with a content little sigh, shoves her diary under her pillow.
“So, neither of you read it?” She asks once again, just to be really, really
“Didn’t even know it existed.” Scotty replies.
“Not a word. Scout’s honor.” Kevin answers as well. He quickly kisses her and watches as Scotty says goodnight to their daughter, before turning away and returning to the table where he had been writing a letter for a client. He continues his work until Scotty enters the living-room again.
“Olivia asleep?” Kevin asks.
“Yes. Who knew she could scream that
hard. She nearly gave me a heart-attack.” Scotty laughs.
“Not half as hard as Kitty did, when she found out that Tommy and I were reading her diary.”
Scotty chuckles, trying to imagine the two heads of the two boys stuck in a diary, reading their older sister’s most inner thoughts.
“And you? Did you ever have a diary?” He asks Kevin.
house? Are you crazy? Everyone could have read it.”
“It’s true that nobody is good at keeping a secret for long in your family.” Scotty nods.
“Except dad.” Kevin reminds him. “He was too
good at keeping them.”
“I’m starting to wish you had kept one. I would have loved to read it.” Scotty says quietly as he sits down on the couch.
Kevin gets up and sits down beside him.
“It would have been too depressing. Dear Diary, came out to my dad today. Wish I had eaten glass instead. He hates me now. I want to die.”
“Would your diary have been better?”
“About my coming out? Nah. Dear Diary, mom and dad found out I’m gay. They don’t talk to me anymore at all
. Pretend I don’t exist. I might as well go away. They won’t miss me anyway.”
would be less depressing than my entree?”
“Point taken.” Scotty concedes. “Let’s do something more cheerful. First kiss?”
“Very, very, very
first? From another guy?” Kevin asks and Scotty nods. He’s curious about Kevin’s answer.
“Dear Diary. Danny McCullough kissed me today! On the lips…! It was great! Amazing! Hot! Not that I saw rainbows and fireworks and such. And if there were birds singing they got muffled by the Rolling Stones….”
“The Rolling Stones? Seriously
“Why? What’s wrong with the Stones? He got the Stones-bug from his dad. I still have good memories of his striptease-act to ‘I can’t get no Satisfaction’. Not that he ever had a reason to complain to me about that
.” Kevin grins.
“Too much info.” Scotty replies, but he can laugh anyway.
“Dear Diary, told Johnny Collins that I really liked him and then I kissed him…. It was amazing! … Until he pushed me away and he told me he wasn’t gay.”
“He was a liar. Came out 5 years, a wife and 2 kids later. Guess the house with the white-picket fence wasn’t the solution after all.”
“Yeah.” Scotty sighs.
Kevin gets up to get some wine and when he returns to the couch, Scotty has made himself more comfortable by taking off his shoes and socks. Kevin can’t help it. There’s always something so sexy about seeing Scotty with bare feet and soon enough, Kevin snuggles up closer to Scotty, content to be in his arms.
“What more would you have written in your diary?” Scotty asks and Kevin doesn’t immediately reply.
“Not sure. I can’t imagine having one. I’d be too terrified that someone would find it and read it and tell everyone how I really feel, I guess.
Scotty nods, understanding what Kevin is talking about.
“When I just arrived here in Los Angeles, I kept a diary for a few months. Just because there was so much happening to me and around me. It just felt weird though. And, like you said, I was afraid someone would find it. So I stopped.”
“Too bad. I would have loved to read what you had written about our first meeting.” Kevin grins and a little smile comes to Scotty’s face as well. He takes Kevin's glass and puts it next to his own on the table, buying himself some time for an answer.
“Probably something like … Dear Diary, met this incredibly hot, sexy lawyer today, who was unfortunately also very arrogant, uptight and not interested in me…. Even though he was gay.”
“Alright, I probably deserved that
one…. Mine would be… ” He searches for the right words and grins: “Dear Diary, met a client today who made me horny just by being there. I tried my best not to show it. He was absolutely not my type, but he was so hot. I had to work hard to remain professional, …”
“… and he left and I came in?” he fishes for a little compliment and Kevin doesn’t refuse him one.
“No, silly, that guy was you… and you alone
.” He pulls Scotty closer for a kiss and for a while they quietly enjoy their little kisses, both of them too tired to go further.
“I think that my diary would have described my days then as a mega-roller-coaster-ride.” Scotty eventually sighs. “Working day and night, being aimless, trying to keep a relationship with a guy who was financially, emotionally and socially out of my league.
Being in love with you, being frustrated with you. Loving you, hating you. I never knew anyone that could get to me as much as you did. And then there was your family…. Talk about some extra bends in the ride! Your mother and Holly. Sarah picking her fights with you…. Justin and Tyler. … Tommy wanting your sperm.”
Scotty remembers it all with a shudder and Kevin can’t help but laugh softly.
“I think it that goes for both of us. I was so in love with you, it frightened me. I was scared to lose you and at the same time doing the very best I could to chase you away.” Kevin sighs. He feels how Scotty caresses his hair.
“Well, not everything was your fault. I felt lost, scared, overrun. A part of me wanting to be all yours and another part just trying to get away from you. I searched for all your flaws. It was so much easier to look down on your mistakes and feel as if I was better than you.”
“Impatient and a cynical ‘highly evolved’. Intimidating. That’s what I called you.”
“Immature would have been the better word.”
“But you were also smart, caring, cute as hell and someone who opened my eyes to a lot of things….”
“As you did with me. I guess we both still had a lot to learn…”
“… Despite the fact that we thought
we knew it all.” Kevin sighs, but then grins. “Dear Diary, got set up on a blind date and ended up with the most beautiful man ever.
Should have made sure that he never left my bedroom again.”
Scotty can now laugh at the memory too.
“Dear Diary, seriously, how many Gay-Lawyer-Named-Kevin's can there be? And why did I have to make such a fuss, when all I wanted was just to have breakfast with Kevin and perhaps some more sex afterwards…. I was still so much in love with you. It really hurt to think that you were just using me.”
“I didn’t. I sincerely wanted to be with you. But then Chad called and … I got confused. He played some guilt-trip on me, saying that he had just
wanted tell Michelle about him and me… Though I was wondering if he really would have. I was rather tired of being shoved back in the closet... In the end it didn’t matter and I didn’t have either of you.”
“But you were so irresistible that Chad got drawn back to you.”
weren’t interested in me. Somehow I wasn’t irresistible for you.”
“Oh, you were. It was why I had to stay away... One word from you and I would have been back in your bed.”
“Good.” Kevin smirks. “I like your answer.”
“Thought you would. I do
know what to say to you by now.” Scotty winks and Kevin starts to tickle him until Scotty begs him to stop. Both out of breath with laughter, they stay in each other’s arms, until Scotty remembers what they were talking about.
“Dear diary, I met Kevin again. Had to. I had a DUI and I could not afford a lawyer and I hoped that Kevin would help me and he did. He was even more handsome than I remembered… Unfortunately, he has fallen in love with someone else and it seems like I lost him.” Scotty says softly.
“Dear diary, I promised Jason to wait for him, but Scotty makes it very difficult. Just to be with him reminds me that I still like him very, very
much. But I’m not
going to screw this up. I will
remain faithful to Jason. I have
to. I know I promised I would…. But it sure would be a lot easier if Jason would occasionally call me back and show me some love in return.”
Scotty gives Kevin a quick kiss and sighs.
“Those were the most miserable months of my life. First being with you and not being allowed to do eomething with you and when you broke up with Jason...
I couldn’t believe my luck and then I grew scared that it was just temporarily anyway. I grew convinced that once Jason would be back, you two would pick up again where you left off.”
“Never. Even if you and I hadn’t worked, I could see that Jason and I were too different as well.”
“Dear Diary, I acted like a fool, crashing the meeting between Jason and Kevin….”
“Dear Diary, Scotty suddenly walking in. It was just the most thrilling moment ever…”
“Dear Diary, I behaved like such an jealous idiot.”
“Dear Diary, I discovered that I like it when Scotty acts like a jealous idiot.”
They both start to laugh and the look in Kevin’s eyes is loving when he caresses Scotty’s face.
“Dear Diary, I’m so in love with Kevin.” Scotty says very sweetly.
“Dear Diary, I’m so in love with Scotty.” Kevin replies.
Scotty lies down and pulls Kevin on top of him. Their kiss becomes more intense and Kevin moans when Scotty’s pushes up his body closer to Kevin’s. He can feel how aroused Scotty is and Kevin is more than ready to give into his own desire. He lifts his head away from Scotty’s to break the kiss.
“Dear Diary, ... I want to continue this very interesting conversation, that I’m having with my husband, in the bedroom.” His voice betrays his lust and Scotty bites his lip.
“Dear Diary, sometimes my husband had the best ideas…..” Scotty sighs as Kevin gets up and takes his hand to help him off the couch.
“So, did you really not Olivia’s diary?” Scotty asks, holding Kevin’s hand as Kevin guides him to the bedroom.
“No. I remember how hurt Kitty was… Wouldn’t do that Olivia… Besides, they’ll only get interesting when Olivia discovers boys and we’re not that far yet.” Kevin grins.
In the bedroom, Scotty takes his husband in his arms.
“Dear Diary, whenever I see Kevin like this, I just want to make love with him.” He laughs.
“Dear Diary, I should really stop reading my husband’s diary and just let
him make love with me.” Kevin grins and he closes the door of the bedroom.