Somewhere down the road…. 03/06
About: Kevin/Scotty mainly
Rate: This chapter: G
Disclaimer: B&S or K/S don't belong to me, but to ABC
Summary: What if Kevin cannot forgive Scotty, can they find their way back to each other? Thanks to FatCat for reminding me of this beautiful Barry Manilow song.
Extra: As this is AU - Jason (and Chad) are not a part of Kevin/Scotty's life. Robert died immediately after the accident.
“Well, I can’t blame Jason for trying.” Courtney says. Kevin looks up, grateful for the coffee she just gave him. “It’s been 4 months, where you’ve been systematically avoiding Scotty. You can’t go on like that. It’s not healthy. Not for you. Not for him. You need to make a decision.”
“I know.” Kevin looks miserable.
“Listen, so far, none of us have tried to get involved, though we all think, that we know, what you should do…”
“Go back to Scotty. Call him. Talk to him. A blind person can see that you still love him.” Kevin looks away. Courtney is right of course. He still loves Scotty.
“I do.” Kevin therefore replies honestly. “But, if I can’t trust him anymore, what's the point….?”
Courtney doesn’t answer straightaway, but seems to think over what he just said to her. It’s one of the aspects that Kevin appreciates about her. She’s methodical and she doesn’t blurt out everything that comes to mind, like the Walkers do. It’s something that Kevin has learned to value these last few months.
Kevin never believed he would say this, but, at the moment, he prefers Courtney’s calm rationality over Kitty’s demanding screeches that he should ‘get over it’ and 'get back to Scotty'. Of course, Kitty hadn’t said it exactly like that, but it sure had felt that way to Kevin and he had been hurt by her lack of empathy.
The fact that Courtney is not emotionally involved and therefore not trying to get Scotty and Kevin back together, at no matter what cost, gives Kevin the feeling he can trust her judgment far better than that of his immediate family.
“Can I ask you something, Courtney?...When did you know? That you and Robert were through?”
“When I realized that I was only happy when he was not at home… Then I met another man. Thought I was in love with him…. It gave me the strength to face Robert.” Her voice is calm and in control, but Kevin knows that it hadn’t been as easy as all that.
It had taken Courtney a while to open up to him and vice versa. They had to work together, because she had accepted to help Kevin with understanding the dynamics within the McCallister-family and it helped that, despite her divorce from Robert, she’s still respected by the McCallisters in general.
At Jason’s request, she had accepted to help Kevin deal with the paperwork that had to be done in Washington after Robert’s death and she did it with a certain grace and a feeling of obligation to Robert, though Kevin suspects that this is her last time and that after this, she will break her ties to the McCallisters permanently.
At first, it had been tense. It hadn’t started smoothly. Kevin had felt the pressure of being the brother of Robert’s second wife, in a town where Robert’s first wife was well known, well respected and where she knew her way around and Courtney tried desperately not to let her feelings over losing Robert outweigh those of Kitty or Kevin.
But, one afternoon, it just happened. All the pressure just got to Kevin and he broke, he started to cry and thought he would never be able to stop again. At first, Courtney had remained in her chair. Frozen. But then she had walked over to him, wrapped her arms around him and comforted him.
They had spend the next hours talking about Scotty, Robert, the funeral, Kitty, the media, Scotty’s cheating, Courtney’s affair. It was like one of them had opened the flood-gates. She had told him all about the divorce from Robert, how tough the choice had been, how deep she had been hurt because she had still loved Robert, but had no longer been able to accept the distance between them.
And that one night Kevin had seen her softer, caring side. She was no longer so inapproachable to him and though he would not go as far as to call her ‘a friend’, because he feels his relationship to her is not close enough for that word, he does trust her and her opinion matters to him.
“I knew I had reached a point where I needed to let go of him, for myself.” He hears her say. “But, if I may be so honest, I don’t believe that you’re at that point with Scotty. You are miserable without him. You’ve had quite some opportunity to get someone else, even if just to ‘get back’ at Scotty, but … I don’t believe you have, have you?”
She asks her question very directly and Kevin shakes his head.
“You still wear your wedding-ring. You still refer to Scotty as ‘my husband’. There’s something in your voice when you mention his name. A tenderness. I believe that there’s nothing more you’d rather do than be back with him?”
Kevin can see the question in her eyes and he nods.
“I just don’t know how I can.”
“Well, one thing ‘s for sure. You won’t succeed at fixing your marriage to Scotty by sulking in Jason’s apartment, here in Washington, while Scotty is in LA.”
Courtney points out the obvious to Kevin and Kevin can only agree.
“I know.” Kevin sighs and he drinks his coffee, unaware that Courtney quickly texts to Jason, that Kevin must talk to Scotty, or vice versa, becauseKevin starts to look worse with every passing week.
The conversation with Courtney hadn’t really helped and Kevin had spend another sleepless night tossing and turning in bed, until he had finally fallen asleep 1 hour before his alarm went off. His day at the office had been one of paperwork, phone-calls and even more paperwork and the only way to survive had been an overdose of coffee.
The upside to this is, however, that Kevin is now so exhausted, that he knows that he will be asleep as soon as his head and his pillow meet each other. Add to that a few aspirins to deal with the headache and he’ll be knock out half the night. Or at least, he hopes he will be.
Daylight is nearly gone, when Kevin enters Jason’s apartment, but he doesn’t turn on the lights. He’s grown so used to this place that he can easily find his way in the dark. He presses the button for the answering machine, when he sees the light flicker. No one ever really calls Jason’s landline. If it’s someone trying to sell Jason something, he’ll delete it.
“Hey, Kev, it’s me, Jason. I spoke to Scotty….” Kevin switches it off. He doesn’t want to hear Jason try again to get him to talk to Scotty… He lets himself fall on the chair behind the desk, turns on the desk-lamp
“I didn’t want to know that.” Kevin says to the machine and he rubs his face with his hands.
“Maybe you didn’t, but I’m glad he did.” A familiar voice says in the dark and Kevin turns the desk chair around so fast he nearly falls off it.
“Scotty!” Kevin looks shocked.
“Hello, Kevin.” Scotty replies calmly.
Kevin gets up to turn on the lights so he can see Scotty better and they just stare at each other for a while. Both of them see a man they don't really recognize. Scotty seems older, and Kevin looks like a mess. Kevin is unable to understand how Scotty got here, not just here in Washington, but inside the apartment.
“How did you get in?” he eventually asks.
“Jason gave me the spare-keys.” Scotty replies. The silence, that follows his words, is heavy.
“Why are you here?” Kevin now wants to know.
“Because we need to talk and we can’t do that if you keep shutting me out.” Scotty answers and Kevin at least has the politeness to look at his hands, in an admission of guilt.
“I don’t know what to say.” He then says quietly. “I just don’t have an answer, I don’t know what to do, what to decide.”
“Do you want to … split up?” Scotty asks as directly as he dares.
“…. No…. But I don’t know how we can get back together either….”
“But you don’t want a divorce? A real separation? Dividing our things between us?” Scotty asks more insistently. Kevin gives him an odd look.
“Is that what you want?” He asks, obviously shocked.
The thought of really splitting up had never even occurred to Kevin. He had been unable to see how he could deal with Scotty in his life, knowing that Scotty had been unfaithful to him, and potentially could do it again, but he sincerely never thought of getting rid of Scotty all together.
“This isn’t about what I want, this is about you want.” Scotty replies. He suddenly feels a little angry. He had spent months fearing every letter that would come in, dreading that there would some letter from some lawyer that somehow their marriage was over and now it seems Kevin hadn’t even thought about it.
Kevin, on the other hand frowns. Why is Scotty going on and on about separating?
“It’s perfectly clear what you want. You want to fuck one of your waiters.” He answers with bitterness. The words sting and Scotty clenches his fist.
“That.. That’s unfair.” He stammers.
“That’s what I thought as well when you dropped that bomb on me.”
“I did not want to sleep with him.” Scotty says.
“Owwww, poor soul. The waiter forced himself on you?” Kevin asks in mocking tone and Scotty shakes his head.
“So, it was all consensual? You didn’t say ‘no’? Or do you now deny that you had sex with him altogether?”
“Oh, stop begin such freaking lawyer.” Scotty spits out the word ‘lawyer’ as if it were a fly in his soup.
“It is what I am. A lawyer. You knew that when you married me. Or had you forgotten about that as well? Just like you had conveniently forgotten about the fact that you’re married to me, while you had sex with your waiter?”
“I had not forgotten that I was married to you!” Scotty replies angrily, feeling that he’s losing grip on the argument.
“How can so easily sleep with another man, while remembering that you’re supposed to be married to me, which implies that you’re exclusively mine?” Kevin’s words are calmly spoken and Scotty remembers how good Kevin is at playing with words and twisting them to his own convenience.
He had hoped to find a solution with Kevin, but Kevin isn’t taking a step in his direction.
“You’re twisting my words.” Scotty tries carefully. “When we got married…”
“Obviously, the biggest mistake of your life…” Kevin interrupts him sarcastically and Scotty freezes.
“Yes,... it was. I can see that now.” Scotty says is an icy voice.
END OF PART 3