Disclaimer: Not mine. Kevin/Scotty would be kissing if they were.
Summary: taking place during 2.08 "Something New" and after the infamous 'lobster dinner'
Written for: love_bingo
I will post 4 short-stories that should be read in this order: Love at first sight, Forbidden love, "Can't take my eyes of off you" (this story) and "Wedding in reverse". The last part will be posted shortly.
Scotty makes himself smaller in the dark. They hadn’t even bothered to close the curtains. It was dark in the bedroom, when they made love earlier, so no one could have seen them anyway. But the moon has changed position and in the pale moonlight he can see Kevin’s body on the bed.
“What have I done? … I should have known, where this night was headed, the moment you talked about lighting the candles… I knew we were slowly been getting closer to each other again, especially since you no longer even bother to check your messages to see if there's one from Jason, as if you’ve finally given up ever on getting them…”
Scotty closes his eyes.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid! You’re going to hate yourself in the morning, Kevin, like I hate myself right now. But … what could I have done? I love you… so much.” Scotty brushes away a tear.
He had dreaded going back to Kevin’s office. That moment that he had seen Kevin again, he had known that his feelings for Kevin had never changed. He had never been able to switch off his love for Kevin. And his own mixed emotions had mixed with Kevin’s obviously also mixed feelings.
“I knew it that day in court. Just seeing you standing there, so self assured, so calm, so in control. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I just don’t understand how something that would make me immediately be turned off with another man, makes me so turned on when it’s you.
You have no idea how much I’ve been watching you, these last few weeks, as if trying to imprint every movement of your body in my memory. I’ve grown able to tell your real smile from your professional one. I can see how the muscles of your back tense up when the phone rings and how your shoulders sink, just a bit too much, when it’s not Jason. Again.
I can see by the look in your eyes, when you’re with me and when you’re not and I have noticed that lately you listen to me more often than before, when, I’m sure, you mind would drift away to Jason… I wanted… I needed to believe that it could be possible... You and I….” Scotty can’t finish his thoughts, they hurt too much.
“ Tonight, you were so sad, we got so drunk, but I knew… I knew the moment I turned my head that you’d be there. I swore, weeks ago, I would not let you kiss me, but I don’t know which of us took the first step. I’m not entirely sure it was you, but it will be easy to put the blame on you.
You’re lonely. You got me drunk. Took advantage. I got nowhere to go…. And I know, you’ll take the blame. You’ll search for the weaknesses and flaws in yourself first. But I know that’s not true. I wasn’t too drunk. I knew what I was doing, who I was doing it with, but I couldn’t have stopped it. I wanted you too much. And I’m not going to let you take all the blame.
It does however mean, that I’ll have to leave. I can’t stay after all this. I can no longer go back to standing by, to not touching you, to be ‘just a friend’, because you’re not ‘just a friend’ to me. You’re more than that. I can’t imagine my life without you. At the same time I can’t imagine your life with me in it….”
Scotty continues to look at Kevin’s sleeping form, trying to memorize every line, every shape, until he can no longer keep his eyes open. He lifts up the covers and slips underneath. His arm closes around Kevin’s waist and he feels Kevin press even closer. He sighs softly and closes his eyes.