About: Kevin, and a bit of Scotty
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Kevin tries. Written for
It’s hard to reclaim it, once it’s lost. Trust. Kevin knows this. Yet, he tries. He tries to forget the shock and the coldness inside him, when Scotty had confessed his infidelity. He tries not to dwell on the topic, because it’s pointless. It happened. It can’t be taken back.
He knows, deep in his heart, that Scotty wants nothing more than forget that it happened as well. He knows, he feels, with every cell inside him that Scotty would pay any price, to undo what he has done. At least, Kevin hopes that Scotty would do that, because that is how he feels about his own actions.
But the problem is, that he can’t magically make the time go back. He will never again be able to show up at the opening of Scotty’s restaurant after all. He will not be able to take away Scotty’s disappointment, not knowing that his husband only did it because he felt he could not contribute anything good the Scotty’s opening anyway.
And he will not be able to undo Scotty’s cheating that followed as a consequence of his action. Or rather his inaction. No, he’s past the ‘blaming’, but he can’t go back to the ‘trust’ part again. He wants to. Honestly. He wants to go back to that feeling, where he can see Scotty walk away and not have this little fear nag at him, that Scotty might not be back.
That Scotty would leave again had been his biggest fear, when they had gotten back together, 3 years ago. The difference in age and, financial position had been very big and sometimes, the tiniest of things could set off a huge argument.
However, after Kevin had married Scotty, that fear in him had been silenced. He trusted Scotty. If there would be one person in this marriage who would fail, it would be him, Kevin, and not Scotty. So all he had to do was remain faithful, keep his hands to himself and not make a mistake.
And despite the hard blows – Robert’s accident, the loss of the children, the coldness in their marriage, for which he takes full blame – he never strayed. He completely believed in his marriage and in Scotty and then Scotty’s confession knocked the floor from underneath him.
Kevin places his coffee-cup back on his desk. From his chair he can look into the restaurant. Scotty is cleaning up and Kevin can see his husband. Daniel, a waiter, walks in, Kevin can’t hear what is said, but Scotty laughs and a bolt of jealousy goes through Kevin. It’s ridiculous. Daniel is straight. Would never be interested in Scotty.
And he knows Scotty isn’t interested in Daniel either, not like that anyway, but … the doubt is there again. Scotty said he would never do it again. But Scotty also promised not to do cheat in the first place. He trusted Scotty before and got hurt. How can he be believe Scotty now? Can he... trust Scotty?
He closes his eyes for a second, chasing the negative thoughts away.
“Kev?” Kevin opens his eyes at the sound of Scotty’s voice. “You need another coffee? You look like you could fall asleep where you are.”
“Yes. Maybe another coffee will help.”
Scotty picks up the cup and Kevin can see his smile. Loving. Tender. Like it had always been before. So he smiles back. Scotty comes to Kevin’s side of the desk and leans against it. He caresses Kevin’s hair.
“You look tired. Why don’t you stop now? Go on tomorrow morning. With a clear head.”
“And what would I do upstairs?” Kevin asks. Scotty looks down on him. For a moment he seems in deep thoughts and then he smiles seductively.
“What if I would promise you, that I would join you? I can stay for about one hour? Daniel can look after the restaurant for a while …. And it’s not like I’m miles away….”
“Are you seriously offering me sex in the middle of the afternoon?”
“Yes. Interested?” Kevin can see how Scotty bites his lip. God! So sexy!
“Yes.” Kevin answers. “Very interested….. Give me 10 minutes?”
“Five.” Scotty replies and he leaves to talk to Daniel.
The smile on Kevin’s face fades and he takes a deep breath. He can see Scotty and Daniel laugh. He turns away. He closes his file. He puts the file away and then he stops. Yes, the sex would be interesting, but it will not be able to get him back what he lost, that same thing that is so difficult to earn in the first place. Trust.