About: Kevin, Scotty, Jason, Chad with a dash of Alex
Disclaimer: The boys belong to ABC.
Summary: Chad and Kevin have a little talk
“That is the last of the cases.” Scotty says and he places it on the kitchen-table.
“Well, it would seem we have quite some food in here.” Chad replies, looking around him. Scotty cannot argue with that.
“Not sure if we everything I need though.” He then notices.
“… because you want to do something more elaborate than beans and sausages?”
“I fear so.” Scotty grins and he starts to unpack, mentally noting what he can do with the goods they have.
“You and Kevin sure took your time to .. unpack.” Chad breaks Scotty’s concentration.
“Oh? Where you clocking it with a stop-watch?” Scotty teases.
“Didn’t have to. I know that grin on Kevin’s face. So does Jason.”
“Ah, yes, sometimes I forget that you two knew him very well too.” Scotty sighs. At that moment Jason enters the kitchen.
“Where’s Kevin?” Scotty asks.
“Shed. He’s bringing in the fire-wood. I’m caught between helping Kevin and helping in here, where it’s warmer.” Jason laughs. Chad takes his coat.
“I’ll go help Kevin. You stay here and help Scotty.”
Both Scotty and Jason are surprised by Chad’s sudden decision, but before they can ask anything, Chad is gone.
“Well,” Jason says cheerful. “Looks like we’re stuck together in clearing these boxes.” Scotty smiles as well. He doesn’t really mind and he continues his work.
Kevin doesn’t really understand why Chad wants to help him with the fire-wood, because it’s not really that hard to bring it in, but the extra pair of hands is welcome. Kevin tries to listen to what Chad is talking about, but it doesn’t seem like Chad has much of a clue either.
The conversation moves from the set in Bulgaria to some political statement made by some Democrat (who Kevin can’t remember) to the layout of the house.
“Chad, I don’t mean to be rude, but … is this conversation going somewhere?” Kevin suddenly asks, turning to Chad and finally paying some more attention to his ex.
Chad gives him a guilty look, before looking away from Kevin.
“No. I just wanted to make some small-talk….” He replies, but when he sees that Kevin isn’t buying it, Chad becomes all shy and nervous.
“Kev? When did you know? About Scotty?”
Kevin freezes. He certainly hopes that Chad doesn’t want to discuss Scotty’s cheating, but then Chad finishes his question. “… that Scotty was the one you wanted to be with? That you wanted to marry him?” Kevin visibly relaxes, before he shrugs.
“I think, looking back, I always knew, I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself yet.”
“Seriously.” Chad frowns, believing that Kevin is teasing him.
“I am serious.” Kevin insists. “I’ve known all along that I wanted him, but he and I still had a few things to learn, we weren’t ready….”
“But why did you ask him that night? What shifted the balance? How did you know?”
“I didn’t ‘know’ anything. I knew I wanted a steady relationship. It didn’t work out with Scotty, he broke up with me. I couldn’t have it with you, though if you would have let me, I would certainly have tried, because I really cared about you.…”
“I wasn’t ready….” Chad shakes his head.
“I know, but I had higher expectations of my relationship with Jason…” Kevin sighs. “And that didn’t work out either the way I had hoped… And to be honest, it wasn’t just that Jason didn’t call. It was because Scotty was there and I knew, deep in my heart, that I was still in love with Scotty, I just didn’t want to be the one who failed again.
The real reason why I lasted so long with Jason was stubbornness and not love… But once I had slept with Scotty again, I just knew that Jason could never make me feel the same way as Scotty did….” Kevin shrugs. “Even if Scotty hadn’t taken me back, I just knew that Jason and I were through.”
“So, when did you first get the idea to marry Scotty?”
“Scotty hurt himself and didn’t have some health-care plan… Justin suggested I’d make him my domestic partner…. Well actually he thought that it was ‘domesticated’ and I had to explain to him that Scotty was not a pet….” Kevin grins at the memory.
“.. and an idea was born. Scotty however didn’t want to get married for insurance purposes, so we were back to being just boy-friends….”
“Really? He turned you down?” Chad laughs.
“Yes, even after I told him about the ‘death and dismemberment’ clause…” Kevin replies quasi-insulted.
“How dare he!” Chad laughs even harder.
“Well he was right.” Kevin’s face becomes softer now. “A few weeks later I watched my family fall to pieces over a bad deal with Ojai, my brother’s feelings for his (so we believed) half-sister and, on top of that, my uncle Saul came out to me.
I watched my entire family be miserable and making stupid mistakes and making their own lives complicated and then I came home and… there was Scotty, my oasis in all the insanity. I just realized how lucky I was to have him to come home to. And I just knew, right there, that HE was the person who made everything worthwhile… So, I proposed.”
Chad remains quiet for a few seconds and Kevin suddenly frowns.
“Why do you suddenly want to know all those details? Are you planning to….?”
“No! No, I’m not! Please, don’t put silly ideas in your head. Jason and I are fine, just the way we are… But, I’ve thought about it,… a few times… while I was on the set…
I really enjoy to be with Jason, but… I’m not sure if it’s enough, if you know what I mean? And I know that you too had so much trouble committing yourself, so I wondered if you knew at what point I could be sure… or not…” Chad stammers.
“I can only offer you one piece of advice… Don’t wait too long.”
And with those words of wisdom, Kevin leaves Chad alone to think and Chad is once again amazed by the changes they’ve gone through in their lives. For him Kevin had, at first, just been another notch. He didn’t care much about how his life affected Kevin’s and when Kevin had left that Valentine-party with Scotty, Chad not been too worried.
He had expected Kevin to call him and beg for forgiveness and then Chad would benevolently give that to him and they would be secret lovers again. But… Kevin didn’t call. Kevin didn’t beg. Instead it was Chad who seemed unable to forget Kevin, who missed Kevin to the point that even Michelle started to notice the change in Chad.
It had taken quite a bit of persuading to get Kevin to come back and somehow Chad had liked that. Chad remembers it all very vividly, especially how great Kevin had looked that night and how much he had wanted to be with Kevin. And then Kevin had given him that book, with the text he knew so well:
“... because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.” And somehow Chad had really believed it could work between them.
He gets up and quietly walks up to the bedroom and lies down on the bed, his arm behind his head. Yes, Kevin made him dream of possibilities, if only he could be honest about himself... if only he came out... Looking back, it wasn’t the worst decision he had ever made, but at the same time he had not wanted to drag Kevin into the insanity that, he knew, would follow.
Breaking up with Kevin became inevitable and, if Chad is honest to himself, he has no real regrets either. He knows that Kevin is happy with Scotty. Chad knows that he cannot complain about the attention given to him by both men and women. But he’s over that.
He wants stability in his life. Like Kevin said ‘a place to come home to’ and he thinks that he might find that with Jason, but he’s not sure and he doesn’t want to create trouble for Jason either.
A soft knock takes him out of his heavy thoughts.
“Are you alright?” Jason asks and he enters the room.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just ... something on my mind.”
“No. Forget it. I have.” Chad laughs.
“Good. Scotty wants to start with dinner. We’ll eat a bit earlier than usual tonight. I guess, we’re all a bit tired and want to go to bed early...”
“'Tired'? Is that what they call it nowadays?” Chad laughs and Jason’s grin proves he’s not buying it either.
It seems to Alex that there just no end to the ventilation-system. It’s dirty and he has regular encounters with spiders, which he loathes. The system hasn’t been used for years, not since they installed the new one. In fact, he bets that only those who’ve been in this prison for more than 5 years will remember it and there aren’t many of them in this wing.
But his knees hurt and he’s tired and he wants to stretch his body… Above all, he wants to get out of this prison… Another bend. He sighs and looks up, shocked when he sees something that resembles daylight. Impossible! He cannot believe it, but as he crawls closer, he can smell the air getting fresher.
He can see the green fields before him. If his calculations are right, he should get out behind the prison. He starts to shake with excitement. This is it. A few firm kicks against the grid and it caves in. For a moment Alex hesitates. It is all so easy. Too easy. But then, he smiles and he crawls out, a free man at last.
END OF PART 3