About: Kevin, Scotty, and others
Disclaimer: Brothers & Sisters doesn’t belong to me, written with love, not for money
Summary: Summer-holidays are coming and the boys don’t know what to do with themselves.
Extra: It takes place after season 4 finale, but I’ve lost the time-line of the episodes and I will pretend that the events of the finale happened in the spring.
Chad sits down next to Jordan’s bed. Jordan can now see the dark lines under his eyes.
“You haven’t been sleeping too well, huh?” He asks. Chad shakes his head.
“No. Too many things I see, when I close my eyes.”
“Yes, I know what you mean…. I can no longer tell the truth from the lie either, it seems.”
Jordan sighs and rubs away the fold in his sheet, obviously not knowing how to broach the subject on his mind. Chad knows very well what Jordan wants to know and he takes matters into his hands.
“You want to know what happened on that roof, don’t you?”
“Yes, … but I can so understand, that it might be tough for you to talk about it.”
“And it was such a walk in the park for you?” Chad asks cynically.
“Depends. If you take the park in my neighborhood, you do run the risk that, walking there, will get you mugged… Though I’ve never been stabbed before….”
“It’s the reason why I have my own park.” Chad mumbles and Jordan starts to laugh, but stops immediately with a painful look on his face. Chad hesitates, because he doesn’t know Jordan that well, but then he lets his hand cover Jordan’s. “I will tell you what happened….”
Jordan’s eagerly takes in every word that Chad says. His voice is warm and caring and he has a vivid way of talking, far more colorful than the dry, factual story that Max told him. Chad creates a more comprehensible story, even though he sometimes has to stop to search for his words or because emotions, running from anger to fear to sadness, become too much.
Jordan feel strangely proud over the anger that Chad had felt, when he realized that the blood on the knife was his.
“… but Max stopped me from hurting Ian… Though, to be honest, I think that Ian had already done a good job of hurting himself…”
“D..Did he say something about me?” Jordan’s voice is just a little whisper.
“Yes. He said, that he was sorry about what he had done to you. And that you were smart. That he couldn’t deal with the disgust on your face when you realized the truth…. And that he had panicked… And that he had really liked you.”
Jordan closes his eyes tightly. Chad’s carefully spoken words cut through him with the same intense pain as the knife had done.
“Jordan, look at me.” Chad orders softly and Jordan opens his eyes. “I know, it’s just maybe my own interpretation of what happened on the roof, but the only time he showed remorse was over you.
The only time he cried was over you. The only ‘sorry’ was for you…. He was really hurt over losing you... He could not reason it away. He could not justify your death, not even to himself. The last thing I saw….”
And Chad chokes up, as the last moment of Ian’s life passes before him again. “… was the look in his eyes, when he started to fall… I don’t believe he killed himself, because of what he had done. I believe he did it, because he saw it as a just punishment for killing you. He was okay with it. He had accepted his fate…”
And now Chad is the one who closes his eyes, glad that somehow Ian’s eyes are no longer staring at him.
“So, I didn’t imagine it all? He did care about me?”
“Yes, I think he was falling in love with you…. And maybe if he had known you before...”
“If only…” Jordan says with enough regret, but also with the realization that, even then, Ian could still have become a murderer. “So, how are you coping with it?”
The question takes Chad by surprise.
“I don’t know. I try not to close my eyes…”
“I try the same, but it’s hard to keep them open, they want to keep me drugged here.” Jordan replies, somewhere between a chuckle an a cough. Chad smiles as well.
“Were my answers any help to you?” he asks.
“I don’t know yet. I need to think it over. I have plenty of time to do that.”
Chad doesn’t answer. He had had a long talk with Jordan’s doctor, before seeing Jordan and he hopes that he hasn’t made Jordan’s situation worse.
“Do you know what the problem is?” Jordan asks. “The prevailing opinion is that he was a terrible person, … But, he wasn’t… Even after what he did to me, I cannot hate him. And I feel guilty, because I cannot condemn him for what he did, as atrocious as he deeds were…. All my feelings are so mixed up.”
“I think I know what you mean. I feel … sorry… for him… And I can’t really say why. I just do.”
“He told me about his mother… He worshipped her. Especially the last few years of her life. He told me she had been so brave… He didn’t
talk about his dad. I didn’t ask. Maybe I should have…” Jordan sighs.
“You should stop thinking in those terms….” Chad says, gently smiling at Jordan.
Scotty immediately gets up when Chad leaves Jordan’s room.
“He’s asleep again.” Chad says. “He had a lot of questions. I’ve tried to answer them as well as I could. I don’t know. He seemed happy with the answers, but still very confused about everything that happened. Just give him some time to work it out.”
“I will. I can’t help him any further anyway.” Scotty replies resignedly. “I just want to take a quick look at him before we go back.” Chad steps aside to let Scotty in Jordan’s room and Kevin gives Chad a grateful smile
“I’m sure you did the best you could.” He says.
“Chad, did it help you a bit as well?” Jason asks. Chad seems more relaxed to him.
“Yes, I think it did… Jase? Can we just go away from here? Just be together…?” Chad asks. Jason looks at Kevin, who gives him the key of James’ car.
“Just go. Scotty and I can take the bus. It’s not that far anyway.”
Kevin says goodbye to Jason and Chad and then quietly enters Jordan’s room.
“How is he?” He whispers to Scotty.
“Asleep. Looking better than before. More at rest. Like something heavy fell of his shoulders. I’m glad Chad did this.”
“Yes, me too…. But, we need to leave him alone now, visiting hours are over.”
“I know…. I just needed to see him and realize again how fortunate I am to still have him. He’s my best friend. If I had lost him…”
“Shhh. You didn’t, Scotty, so come along.”
Kevin softly pushed Scotty away from Jordan and Scotty lets Kevin take him outside.
“Want to get something to drink? Just us? No one else? I feel like I’ve seen too much of everybody these last few days.”
“Yes, I know what you mean. I’ve grown to really like them, but some space would be appreciated.”
“James is leaving for England tonight. Chad and Jason wanted some time to themselves. Tessa and Kevin jr. will help Kay run the hotel. That leaves us with a bit of spare time on our hands.”
“And what will we do with that time?”
“Welllll… I thought that after our visit to Jordan, we could hide in our hotel-room and finish what we started before the call from the hospital came?” Kevin suggests.
“I still owe you something.” Scotty smiles. He tries to sound teasing, but it comes across as tired and more of an obligation.
Because, at that moment, the bus stops before them, Scotty doesn’t see the disappointed look on Kevin’s face. Scotty pays for the tickets and Kevin sits down next to Scotty, once they find a place where they can sit together. After first checking if no one is looking at them, Scotty takes Kevin’s hand.
“The doctor told me that Jordan needs rest, so I don’t have to return tonight. So, I suggest that we get ourselves something to eat and go for your plan.”
“Yeah, great.” Kevin says, not too enthusiastically, but Scotty doesn’t notice, because, by travelling by bus, they see the island in a different way than they had seen it before and Scotty just loves it.
Kevin looks at Scotty now and then, but their eyes don’t meet, because Scotty is too busy with the scenery. Kevin can understand that Scotty’s first priority is with Jordan and, it’s not that he’s complaining.., it's just that after all they’d been through these last few days, there hadn’t been as much time spent together as he had hoped and he misses Scotty.
END OF PART 23