“…But sometimes just because you want something, it doesn’t mean it’s possible.“ Scotty says as he gets up.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I want to be with you so much, but it’s impossible, because you’re not over Jason yet. That’s alright, I wasn’t expecting you to, but it also means that you will not be exclusively mine.”
“Are you leaving?” Kevin’s voice sounds hurt and Scotty closes his eyes for a second before answering:
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s what you always do. Things don’t go as you want and you walk away…”
Scotty wants to retaliate, then he realizes Kevin is right. He didn’t like being offered money, he left. He didn’t like the way Kevin talked to him in Ojai, he left. He didn’t like Kevin’s insinuations about the cheque, he left. Kevin apologized, Scotty had not returned to him. He didn’t like being used to make someone else jealous, he left. They had sex, shouldn’t have happened. He almost left…
But he just knows, at this moment, that although he doesn’t like the current situation, this time he’ll stay. He turns back to Kevin.
“No, I am not leaving. I am just very, very tired.”
“Look, Scotty, all this about Jason….”
Anger flares through Scotty and he puts a finger to Kevin’s lips and he hisses:
“You mention that name one more time tonight and I swear,…I swear, I’ll pack my things and leave. I’d rather sleep in my car than have you say that name one more time.”
Kevin looks at him with big blue eyes, filled with confusion and concern and Scotty’s defense crumbles a bit. On a slightly gentler tone he continues:
“Kev, when I moved in here, I considered this place yours and Jason’s. Jason’s clothes are hanging with yours. Jason’s scent is still on your pillows, because you sprayed Jason’s aftershave on them to at least give you the idea that Jason was still close to you.
Jason’s pictures are everywhere in this apartment. Your answering machine replies to calls for you and Jason. Jason’s voice is on it. Because you were Jason’s lover…. I can handle that. He is an important part of your life. You were with him for several months and I cannot pretend it didn’t happen.
But you have to understand that from the moment we kissed, Jason became a part of my life as well. And today…..I went to the wedding of Jason’s brother, found myself surrounded by Jason’s family, only hearing how badly you treated Jason. You should have heard some of his family-members acting like you were the anti-christ himself.
The moment they realized I was with you, they figured that I’m the one who sleeps with Jason’s boyfriend, the one who broke poor old Jason’s heart, by stealing Jason beloved away, while Jason is working sooooo hard to save the world. I know, I am only partly the reason why you and Jason broke up, but to his family I am the only reason. And they made me feel that.
Kevin, I’m awfully sorry, but right now I have officially received my Jason over-dose! I am fed up with the entire topic. I just want to go to my mattress and get some sleep. Just put this awful day behind me. Can you please respect that? Just stop talking about him? Just for tonight? Please? I can understand that you are not over him yet. We’ll deal with that from tomorrow morning on. Just not now. Please. No more.”
Kevin looks at him and nods. He kisses the finger resting against his lips. He then kisses every other finger as well, while his hand wraps around Scotty’s wrist, he continues to kiss the inside of Scotty’s hand and then his wrist. Scotty’s fingers touch Kevin’s face and Kevin leans into the touch.
“Scotty, please, stay with me tonight.” It is nothing more than a whispered request, but Scotty stiffens as he removes his hand. Apologetic Kevin raises his hands.
“I just want you to sleep with me tonight. Nothing sexual. Just sleep. We will take it slow, just as you want. But I need to know you are here with me. I want to wake up with your arms around me. I no longer miss Ja…, him, that much, but I do miss you. Stay?”
For a moment Scotty is in doubt, but he also knows that he cannot resist those blue eyes staring at him. He never could. His anger subsides as he realizes that Kevin doesn’t need lectures, but Kevin needs him to be there to catch his fall. There is no point in fighting this. He’s too much in love with Kevin.
He knows that somewhere in the night, the ‘nothing sexual’ will result in the tender, deeply intimate kisses he so loves, the ‘nothing’ will become a ‘something’ and that he will forget what’s-his-name in those moments of passion, where nothing else matters except the love that Kevin and he feel for each other.
He reaches out to Kevin and gently says:
“Let’s go to bed. And Kevin?….Just to sleep.”
“Yes, yes, … offcourse.” But as he looks into Kevin’s eyes he knows they are both lying and, frankly, he doesn’t care.