The Ojai-tape By Marea About:
r: B&S doesn’t belong to me, written with love, not for money Summary
: *** spoilers for 4.23 - Lights out" ***
- Upon watching the tape Paige made at Ojai, Kevin confesses to Scotty that he lied.
“Is there anything good, about working at Ojai, you remember
?” Paige’s question is so quiet, that Kevin and Scotty really need to listen to hear her question.
“Well, okay, I wasn’t as close to dad as Tommy or your mom was, so I never worked here as a kid. And I just assumed that dad … didn’t … want me to
Scotty watches the emotions on Kevin’s face as he talks about William. “Anyway, about a month after I got out of law-school, he… he called me and asked me to look over a contract. And it might have been a way for him to get free legal advice, I don’t know, but… for me…” Scotty sees how choked up Kevin gets.
“Did it make you happy
?” Paige’s voice is hesitant and Scotty can see Kevin nod on the screen. He feels his own tears come up. For a moment Kevin seems so vulnerable and insecure.
“I don’t know that I’ve … been so proud before or since…
” Kevin winces as he sees himself all chocked up, but Scotty gives him a little kiss.
“Awww, that was beautifully said.” Scotty replies. They are both lying on the couch. Kevin is on his back and Scotty covers him like a warm, but heavy blanket. His head is on Kevin’s chest. It’s not the most comfortable position to watch tv, but Scotty isn’t willing to get up and change position.
There’s something too soothing about hearing Kevin’s heart-beat and feeling his hands distractedly caress Scotty’s back. Though Scotty isn’t happy about neither of them having an income, the other side of this being jobless is, that they spend a lot of time together.
Scotty had feared that at first. It is often said that, going on holidays together can be destructive to a marriage, but so is losing a job and having one partner at home all the time. At first the loft had felt rather ‘full’, with Kevin being home on hours that Scotty would usually be alone, disrupting Scotty’s own routine, especially after Scotty lost his job as well.
But after some initial, small irritations, Scotty and Kevin had quickly adapted to the new rhythm and it had somehow made their relationship even stronger. It had made them even more tender with each other, more caring, and Scotty felt even more a part of Kevin’s life and Kevin’s family, than he ever had before.
“It’s not true, you know.” He suddenly hears Kevin say.
“What isn’t?” Scotty asks, wondering what he missed.
“That I haven’t been so proud ever since.”
“I mean, yes, I was very proud when my dad asked for my help, if was a very special moment for me.”
“But not the most special?” Scotty asks. Kevin shakes his head.
“No, that was our wedding-day. When you walked up to me in my mom’s living-room.”
Scotty lifts up his head.
“Not when I said yes?”
moment when I saw you walk into the room and saw you come straight at me. Without hesitation… That must be it
“Why?” Scotty wants to know, not sure if he should be happy or offended by Kevin’s words. He personally believes that it should be his ‘yes’ or the moment that Kevin put the ring on his finger or when Kitty, no… Kevin
had pronounced them ‘married’. Kevin remains quiet and Scotty thinks that maybe Kevin hasn’t heard him.
“Why?” He repeats.
“I guess….” Kevin starts. “I guess, that when my father asked me for my help, it was, to me, some signal that I was accepted back into the family, in his eyes, even if perhaps not into his heart just yet. It was a first little step, but I still didn’t feel complete.
But when you walked into the room, you were ready to accept me as a permanent part of your life, you were ready to commit yourself to me and to our life together. You dared to take that step with me and you dared to love me, although we both know that it’s not always that easy to love me. …. And you made me feel like I was worth it, like I mattered, like I was the most important person in the world to you…”
“… You are.” Scotty says quietly. And Kevin smiles softly.
“I felt like I was whole, for the first time in my life. It was like all the piece fell into place. I didn’t feel like I was missing something anymore. I would no longer need to look for acceptation from my family. I was starting my own family. With you. You made me complete, a whole person.”
Suddenly Kevin looks so shy over his own confession, as if he feels like he said something totally ridiculous.
“Kevin...!” Scotty whispers and he takes Kevin into his arms to hold him tight. “I never knew how important it was to you. I just felt so honored that you
… I love you so very, very much…” He smiles, before he kisses Kevin softly on his lips, a sweet promise of more to come.