Real life got in the way. So did B&S. ;)
Forks in the road…. 10/12
What if....? Sometimes you get what you want, because someone else wants it?
About: Kevin and Scotty mostly though this one is more Chad/Jason.
Disclaimer: Kevin and Scotty or B&S don’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money
Summary: AU – And they say Chad isn't Oscar-material...?!
“Ahm, what?” Kevin asks, giving Chad an astounded look. “Malaysia? … What is it with that place? First Jason, now you and within a week?” “Kevin, please, don’t make such a fuss about it.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Kev, you knew I had to go.”
“Yes, but now? I thought we had some more time.”
“So did I, but they are very adamant. They want me in Malaysia by the end of this week…”
Kevin looks so sad, that Chad puts an arm around him.
“I thought you would start shooting the documentary next month. I really looked forward to spending more time here in this house, with you.” Kevin gently caresses Chad’s face.
“I’m so sorry. The writers of “Tempest Bay” have decided that Dr Philip should return sooner. This means that the time-schedules have radically changed for me. That documentary is important to me, because it will be about the orphanage I’m supporting. My biggest charity. The orphanage needs me.”
“I know you’re very personally invested in this, Chad, and I admire what you do for those kids, I really do.…. I just wanted some more time with you, ‘s all.”
“Kev, it’s not the end of the world.”
“It will be the end of us and you know it! You’ll meet some pretty Malaysian girl or boy and forget all about me.”
“Probably… but until then we can still have some fun, can’t we?” Chad grins, giving Kevin a quick kiss. Deep in his heart Kevin feels like he can’t be too bothered by Chad’s leaving. He had always known that it wouldn’t last anyway…
“Any news from Jason? Maybe I could pay him a visit when I’m there?”
Kevin looks up.
“Oh, that’s right! I haven’t told you yet. Jason … will be returning somewhere next week.”
“What?” Chad asks astounded.
“Yes. The entire McCallister-clan had a fit when they heard about it. Jason quit!”
“The job in Malaysia was too difficult?”
“No. Yes. It was everything. He didn’t want to talk about it, but asked Robert to get him some money, because he wanted to come back and he doesn't it want it through the church. He had a severe crises of faith and he no longer wants to be a minister.”
“That’s odd. He was so thrilled with his assignment, that he even dropped a gorgeous boyfriend like Scotty for it.” He quickly looks at Kevin, who only responds with:
“He didn’t really ‘drop’ Scotty. They talk to each other every night, but very shortly. It’s very expensive apparently…” Kevin shrugs.
“Let Scotty write down the number, maybe I can meet Jason personally and talk to him, before he returns..” Chad suggests, slightly annoyed by Jason’s decision. Chad needs him to stay in Malaysia. Just a little bit longer…
“Jason is in Kota Kinabalu.” Kevin says…
Chad can’t believe it. This is not far from the orphanage he ‘adopted’ a few years ago… He had expected Jason to be in Kuala Lumpur and he had wondered how to come up with an excuse, to meet up with Jason, that wouldn’t raise too many questions. And now Jason is exactly where Chad has to be! This has to be an good sign.
“I’ll be there Thursday… maybe I can meet him on Friday?... Can you have Scotty ask this?”
“Why do you suddenly care …?” Kevin asks and Chad knows he shouldn’t push too hard or Kevin will get curious.
“Jason went there with lots of energy and a strong desire to build a school, if he spontaneously gets a crises of faith, leaves his church and wants to return, something happened and I want to know, what that is… in view of my own charity there…. I haven’t been there for a while.
I only have local eyes and ears, I have no idea if there’s something dangerous going on. If Jason left because he felt threatened, I’d like to know the significance of this for my orphanage.” Chad replies and though Kevin is still suspicious, he doesn’t press the matter any further…
“I have an appointment with Mr McCallister. Jason McCallister…” Chad says at the reception of the hotel, wondering how the man behind it can look so sophisticated and relaxed, when Chad feels as if a river of sweat is coming down his back. The heat is not so bad, but the high humidity is killing him.
The receptionist calls to Jason’s room and a few seconds later Chad hears, that he can go up to Jason’s room. Room 507. The elevator takes him to the right floor and when he steps out, he can see Jason waiting for him at the door.
“Chad!... I thought that Scotty was joking when he said you wanted to talk to me…”
“We weren’t…. I won’t take much of your time, I promise.” Chad replies with his most charming smile.
“No, it’s okay. I didn’t expect anyone anyway…. Tea? … Alcohol is hard to get around here. Very expensive. And I prefer tea anyway.” Jason apologizes.
“I know that alcohol is expensive. Tea is good.” Jason orders tea to the room and they have some small-talk. Jason quickly asks about Scotty, but after answering, Chad systematically steers the conversation away from Scotty, by not talking about either him or Kevin.
Instead he emphasizes the significance of his own part in ‘Tempest Bay’, which is a series Jason follows, and gives away some spoilers to keep Jason focused on himself. It isn’t until after the tea is brought that Chad asks what he really wants to know.
“Jason, why are you planning to leave?”
Jason seems annoyed for a second and Chad immediately soothes him.
“I don’t want to question your decision. It’s just that, ... when I filmed one of my movies here, several years ago, I got interested in an orphanage that was close to the set. The children would often hang around and I got to know a few of them.
I started to fund that orphanage and over these last few years, I’ve seen several of the children grow up from mischievous children to young men and women who have learned to read and write and wish to contribute to the community by being teachers, nurses, doctors…
That is why I’m here. I’ve been following them for several years now and I want to show how much good such a project can bring…. And then I heard that you suddenly wanted to come back, while you were so eager to build a school here and you had so much energy and confidence… I need to know that, what happened to you, won’t happen to my kids.
I need to know they’re safe. If you’ve been threatened… Or something like that, I want to know if the teachers I’ve brought here will be safe…” Jason listens to Chad’s words and seems less bothered. He carefully considers Chad’s words and Chad lets him. It’s obvious that something emotionally painful happened to him…
“I think you’re people are safe. No one made life difficult here for me. I arrived here nearly two weeks ago and I was well received. I knew that I was a country that was predominantly Muslim, so I didn’t push the topic of religion on anyone, knowing that it would be a sure way to draw negative attention to myself….
But hardly three days here, one of the other priests started to lecture me… on the evils of homosexuality, how it would damage my soul, how I should fight my inner demons and control my unnatural desires….”
“I’m not… I was completely taken off guard… I mean, the man was, at first, so nice to me, though he did make a fuss over my calling Scotty, to let him know that I had arrived safely… but I thought it was more about the money, than over calling my boyfriend. It wasn’t until after his lecture that I started to realize how naïf I had been.
With the previous bishop my homosexuality was not really a problem, because I didn’t have a boyfriend. I was a sinner, who didn’t give in to the sin. I was always alone. I did nothing with my feelings. I just knew I was gay and that was it. I didn’t really feel the need to focus on that aspect of my life…
But the new bishop is a more conservative one and when he discovered that I was dating Scotty, therefore acting on my sinful feelings, he felt I could no longer be a good servant to God… He sent me to Malaysia. I thought, because he trusted me with such an important mission, instead it was only to remind me, that I couldn’t be me.
I felt so disappointed that I knew I didn’t want to stay any longer, but at the same time I knew I would feel like a failure if I’d leave. It took me several days to come to a conclusion, but then I realized that if I couldn’t be me, then I should leave…. And that’s what I did.”
Jason’s answer is open and honest and for a moment Chad feels so fake, but it passes.
“Scotty must feel so honored…” Chad replies.
“I didn’t do this for Scotty. I did this for me…” Jason replies, just at Chad had hoped. “I haven’t even told him the real reason why I left. I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Why not? It would be the perfect proof of how much you love Scotty..”
“Yes. It would be.” Jason concedes. “I just wonder why I should need proof…. You know, being away from him, made me look at my life with him differently…”
“You’re not happy with him?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to bother you with this…” Jason suddenly seems to build this wall between them again. Chad places his hand on Jason’s wrist, softly rubbing the skin with his thumb, making Jason look away, suddenly shy. It’s just as Chad suspected. Jason is very lonely and not used to show his feelings.
“You couldn’t bother me… I like to listen to you…” That is not a complete lie. Chad does like the sound of Jason’s voice. “So, are you not happy with Scotty?”
“It’s not what I had expected… I had hoped for something, I don’t know, more sincere… He was in a steady relationship with someone for a long time.
It would seem to indicate some desire to have stability, but I often get the feeling that Scotty doesn’t want to commit himself to our relationship… Our last evening together he was so absent-minded. I would have really liked him to focus on the fact that it was our last time, but his mind seemed a million miles away….”
“I hope that was not my fault?” Chad asks with fake-concern.
“Yes, I talked about why I liked Kevin so much, but when I asked him about what he liked about you, he … Oh, I don’t know if I should tell you this.” Chad backs down.
“Please, tell me.”
“I’d be gossiping and, maybe I just surprised Scotty with my question, or perhaps he just considered it none of my business….”
“Chad! Please, tell me.” Jason insists and Chad pretends to be torn but then giving in.
“He replied in such general words like ‘nice’, ‘kind’, ‘loyal’…, not exactly very passionate. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you, it’s just, I could give so many reasons for me to like Kevin, yet Scotty seemed rather clueless, why he was with you, other than the fact that you ‘wanted’ him.
Which, considering what Kevin told me about his past, wouldn’t be a strange reason to get involved, the need to be wanted, but not exactly the rock-solid foundation of a relationship, you know.” Jason knows, he’s afraid of the same thing.
“You think that he’s with me because I want him, not because he loves me?”
“Hey! What do I know? I could be completely wrong..” Chad answers, with just too much denial to convey to Jason, that he does not believe he’s wrong. He can see the doubt in Jason’s eyes. Chad just confirmed in an ‘unbiased’ way what Jason has been thinking about.
“What about you and Kevin?” Jason changes the subject abruptly.
“We broke up.” Chad shrugs.
“Really? Why?” Jason asks surprised.
“He’s a lawyer in need of stability. I’m a butterfly going from flower to flower.”
“Don’t they usually describe women with that word?” Jason teases mildly.
“There are male butterflies, I don’t agree with gender-stereotypes and the description suits me.” Chad grins in return.
“Not sure Kevin would appreciate being considered a ‘flower’.” Jason can’t help but laugh.
Chad laughs, but then becomes serious.
“Also, when we got together, I thought my biggest problem would be the memory of Tad. You can’t fight a dead guy. They will remain perfect for all eternity… But, as it turned out, Tad wasn’t my biggest problem….”
His eyes follow Jason’s reaction. There is a certain resigning in it.
“You noticed it too, huh?” Jason asks.
“Yes. They are like this perfect, well-oiled machine. Whatever it is they have going on, it works. And as much as I wish I could get the same, I just can’t.
Sometimes, you just have to admit defeat and let someone go, because you know, that, no matter how hard you work at it, you’re just not the one.. So I let go of Kevin. I hope he will find his happiness. It just won’t be with me.” Chad shrugs.
“That has to hurt…” Jason’s voice is soft, as if it’s more a question than an remark.
It does… but I’d rather cut my losses now, with dignity, than try to hang on to someone who, I know, deep in his heart, doesn’t love me. I’d look so desperate…”
“You have a point…” Jason answers quietly, leaning back to think over Chad’s words.
“Hello?” Scotty’s voice is so soft on the phone and Jason holds his phone more tightly.
“Jason! You haven’t called in two days, we were starting to get worried… It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“No reason to panic. I just needed some time to work through a few things…”
“Is that why you haven’t called me?... I’ve been worried, the news I got from Robert was so confusing. You’re leaving the church?”
“Yes, I am. I have. I’m done.”
“Are you sure you’re alright? You sound so stressed.”
“Stop worrying, Scotty. You’re making things so much harder for me, if you do that.”
“Why? I really want to hear your voice, talk to you .”
“Yeah… I need to talk to you too.” Jason replies with a serious voice.
END OF PART 10