About: Kevin, Scotty, the Walkers – in one way or another…
Disclaimer: Brothers & Sisters doesn’t belong to me. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: This is an AU, based on B&S, anything can be different, nothing is as it may seem, and yet, …. (evil chuckle)
THREE WEEKS LATER.
“Mr. Walker?” Kevin looks up at the sound of Juliette’s voice. “I had to remind you of your appointment? The one at 3 o’clock?”.
“Ah, yes, thank you, Juliette. I’ll leave in 10 minutes. The meeting will last until at least four-thirty, so I won’t be coming back to the office.”
"Yes, Mr Walker."
Nora paces in her bedroom. Three weeks! Three weeks and still no one knows who had killed William. The police had been all over Ojai, the houses and cars of herself and her children. They had checked William’s business-partners and Ojai’s books had been examined. Even their personal financial situation had been looked in to. Everything was found in order as it should.
And, yet, her life feels unreal. She doesn’t really miss William. He had been gone so many times. Work. Sport. Travel…. Mistress…. No, Nora can’t say that she really misses him. Life goes on without him. And it goes on easily and without a hitch. Like he was never there.
She’s not in denial or expecting him to come home and walk through the door anytime. He’s just… gone. She feels she should care more, but she’s all cried out, refusing to wear black any longer and she doesn’t want to ‘talk about it’. The only thing that she misses is knowing. Knowing who did this, who killed William. And why?
And this morning she had called Detective Parks, who just had to admit, they were clueless. There was just no evidence leading to anything. Every idea they had followed had lead nowhere. She sighs and wonders if perhaps Kevin can do something to speed things up…. But what can he do? If there’s nothing? … She calls Kevin again, but it goes straight to voice-mail.
Nora looks at her own reflection in the mirror. She needs to talk to Kevin. He always has all the answers. This weird dependency feels wrong and comfortable at the same time. Was it really normal for a mother to rely more this much on her son? More than she ever had relied on her own husband..?
On the other hand: Had not Kevin created this part all by himself? He had quietly taken over the family. He was just always there. So much so, that they hadn’t even noticed him anymore, just merely assumed that he would be there, where was he was needed the most whenever that might be.
Her strong need to talk to him, be comforted, be reassured grows. And when she tries to call him once again, but can’t get a hold of him, she comes to a strange decision. She will go to his loft and wait for him there. He won’t like it, she knows, but she has to do something.
She searches in her drawer for the key to Kevin’s loft. He gave it to her nine, maybe ten years ago when he moved into his place. He had been so terrified of getting locked out of his own apartment.. She smiles when she finds he key. Kevin probably doesn’t even remember he gave it to her.
She tries to remember the last time she was at his place and though time had flown by these last few years she seems stuck at 7 years ago… 7 years? Was it really that long? In a way it also makes sense to her, because these last few years Kevin usually would come to her house or she would meet him at his office, but never at his place… Weird…
Robert plays with the documents before him, wondering what to do. Should he just confront Kitty? Show her the file and tell her that he knows? His first marriage suffered due to the fact that neither of them had been honest with the other. He couldn’t do it again. But he loves her –
What will she say? What will she do? He’s happy with her and he can’t bear to lose her. But if she knows what he knows… It could change everything between them. And he has to make up his mind fast, because in an hour Kitty will stand before him and he’ll have to decide whether to keep quiet or speak up.
Once again he looks at the picture in his hand. Jason, leaning against a table, two people are with him, one on his right, one on his left…. Robert already knows Jordan, he had met Jordan several times, but he had no idea who the other one was until Kitty had introduced him to Justin.
He had always believed that the story of Jason’s homosexuality had been leaked to the press for political reasons. But now? Now that he knows more about William Walker and his choke-hold on his children, he wonders if it wasn’t more personal for William and he keeps asking himself if Justin knows that William is responsible for Jason’s suicide.
“Justin!” Sarah lets out a sigh of relief when she finds Justin at the bar.
“I tried to call Kevin, but he …. He didn’t pick up the phone…” Justin starts to cry.
“Oh, honey, that’s alright. Kevin is in a meeting, but I’m here…. Have you been drinking?” She asks carefully, but Justin shakes his head.
“Well, that’s good.” Sarah now tries. “What happened?”
“I was … helping a friend, Jordan, to clean up some things that belonged to a friend of ours, who died a few months ago, Jason ….” Justin tries to swallow down his tears. He’s clearly distraught and finding it difficult to talk to her.
“Why did it upset you like this?” Sarah’s voice is sweet and low as if she’s talking to one of her children.
“I knew Jason, he was a minister at a local church, …”
“You went to church?” Sarah asks with disbelief.
“No, he was also a counselor to those who wanted to kick their addiction. He would help whenever he could…. I… I just wanted someone to talk to… He was so kind… so supportive. It’s my fault he’s dead. If I hadn’t contacted him, he’d be alive today…” Justin is clearly unable to handle to his emotions.
“What do you mean?” Sarah can’t follow Justin’s train of thought.
“None of this would have happened if I hadn’t turned to Reverend McCallister for spiritual help with my addiction.” Justin cries. “While I was helping Jordan sort out some of Jason’s stuff, I found a book.
A diary… I didn’t mean anything … I just … It fell out…. God, I didn’t know, I swear, I didn’t know.” And he hands Sarah a few pictures and a notebook. Sarah watches the pictures and recognizes one of the persons on it as Justin, but she doesn’t recognize the others.
“What are you getting at? Did you read it all?”
“No… He writes that he fell in love with a man he can’t have…. That’s about the same time he met me… I was the guy he fell in love with and couldn’t get…. Because I’m straight.” Still in tears Justin runs his fingers through his hair.
Unable to understand what Justin is going on about, Sarah opens the notebook and she starts to read the diary in which Jason talks about his fight against his ‘unnatural’ feelings. Convinced that they are tests from God to see how strong his faith is, he fights his urges as much as he can. Until 8 months ago, when his feelings for someone changes radically.
Jason falls in love, undeniably, madly, passionately in love. With a man. A man he can’t have. (Justin? – Sarah wonders) It takes a few more days to read through, for Sarah to find out that the main reason for this impossible feeling, is that the man in question is in love with someone else. (So, not Justin?)
Someone Jason knows, respects and loves as well and for Jason it becomes increasingly difficult to hide his feelings, control his needs, fight his jealousy, but also his guilt, because he wishes harm to the one so he can have the other. At the same time he loves them both and feels trapped in a vicious circle.
Tears fill Sarah’s eyes as she reads about the young man’s struggle and how he sinks deeper away in darker thoughts, feeling unable to unburden himself, and above all, it becomes more and more difficult to stand behind his religion, because he no longer feels God will love him.
Then the situation escalates when the rumor about his homosexuality gets stronger and members of his congregation call him out on it. Worst of all are the underlying accusations that he ‘did something to the kids’. He can handle the nasty remarks because his being gay. It is a fact about him he can no longer, in good faith, deny.
But the thought that people actually believe that he would have hurt a child, forced himself on one of them is so cruel and so far beside the truth that the mere thought makes him sick. It’s also that gossip that does more harm than the other. And it’s getting harder and harder to fight the negativity.
There’s less and less to hang on to. His faith is gone, he no longer believes God to be there for him, he has to face accusations that are too horrible to him to even think about and the man he loves will never more than a friend. Jason can’t fight it anymore. The last pages are goodbyes to those he loved….
Sarah is numb, unable to handle the young man’s tragedy that she just read and she stares at the names on the pages, she reads Jason’s goodbyes once again and just when she's about to close the book, feeling that she had already violated the young man's privacy enough, that she feels that some pages don't give in.
She searches for the obstruction and soon enough finds two pictures... And suddenly she turns cold, seeing everything in a different light. The looks, the glances, the smiles… She slips from her stool and grabs her bag. She throws enough money on the counter for two drinks. Worried Justin puts on his coat, wondering where they will be going.
Somehow he’s not really surprised when Sarah says:
“Come on… We have to go see Kevin. … He’s the lawyer. He’ll know what to do.”
“Sarah, can I go to prison for unknowingly being responsible for a suicide.”
“I doubt it, bro. Furthermore he wasn't talking about you as the man he couldn't have. I’m sure Kevin will have some more answers for you though, and for me.” She replies with a grim face.
Kevin shifts gear and moves to another lane, the wind is in his hair and there’s a smile on his lips. One more secret meeting and then… He smiles again. He can’t wait. A few more hours and then they will be in the restaurant and he will finally propose to the man of his dreams.
He has spent too many years protecting himself and the man he loves, by not talking about him, but after tonight life will be different. He made reservations at their favorite restaurant for 8 o’clock tonight. From tonight on they will officially be a couple. He’s sure of his decision.
No more closets for Kevin Walker. He has waited a long time to be free from his father and now the waiting is done, it’s time to live and finally be happy. Oh, he can’t wait to see his lover’s face when he shows him the ring. He knows, he was always guarded and not the most romantic man to walk this planet, but tonight Kevin will make it all up to him.
And finally he will be able to pay back his lover for those last 5 years that, he too, had to be quiet about their relationship out of fear over what William would do. They had to stay apart while the investigation was going on, but when Kevin had received the message that it would be alright to meet again, Kevin had felt like he could fly… And now, he’s only a few hours away from having everything he ever wanted.
Nora doesn’t know what she expected to see in Kevin’s loft, but definitely not the almost sterile room before her. The room is pretty, especially with the sunshine playfully shining through the windows, but it looks like it was cut out of a magazine. The couch with little pillows is fashionable. The chairs look comfortable.
The small dinner-table is hygienically clean, the dining chairs with their straight backs match the table perfectly, though Nora knows that Kevin bought them separately. There’s no dust, but she knows that Kevin has someone who cleans once a week. The books on the shelves seem unread.
There are no CDs or DVDs in sight, but she thinks they might be somewhere else, because she cannot imagine Kevin without music. She wanders over to the kitchen, but there’s almost nothing in the fridge. There are no dirty coffee-cups in the sink. She checks the cupboards, where everything is meticulously stacked.
The small freezer contains a few items. A pizza, some quick meals. The storage-cupboard is almost empty. Either Kevin has to make a huge shopping-list or …. What other explanations could there be, she wonders. She frowns as she crosses the living-room and goes to the bedroom.
She opens the sliding-door to find another typical cut-out-of-a-magazine bedroom. Tightly made up, it looks male, strong, straight and … fake. She opens the closets and finds nothing interesting. A few t-shirts, 2 pair of jeans, four suits, a few ties.… That’s all? Kevin is a lawyer. She can’t imagine that this is all he has.
She goes through the drawers that are almost empty as well, before she checks the bathroom. New unused toothbrush, a comb, a bar of soap… The hamper is empty… She returns to the bedroom and she sits down on the bed. It’s almost as if… no one lives here? Isn’t that an odd thought to have?
Kitty takes the paper from Robert’s hand and starts to read.
“Robert…. Is this real?”
“Yes, the investigator who was looking into my brother’s suicide found out about this.”
Robert replies, sincerely worried about how pale Kitty looks.
“That is your brother Justin, isn’t it? There on the pictures? With Jason?”
“Robert, are you insinuating that my brother had anything to do with Jason’s suicide?”
“I don’t know, Kitty. I just know that William Walker started the lies that drove my brother to suicide.
And when I send out an investigator to check it out, he comes back with a picture of Justin and Jason together… What did Jason do to Justin, that was so bad that your father would start a hate-campaign against my brother?”
“I don’t know, Robert, I seriously don’t know.” Kitty nearly cries.
“Talk to me, Kitty.” Robert begs, but Kitty shakes her head. "I know that this is Jordan, a friend of my brother, this is your brother. What was the relationship between them about? I can't imagine they planned to make a boy-band called 3J." Robert says sarcastically.
"Would be a bad idea, Justin is a lousy singer." Kitty replies absentmindedly, while she continues to read. “I NEED to talk to Kevin about this first… Kevin knows Justin best.” She then says.
“I’m coming with you…” Robert takes his coat and he follows Kitty to the garage where they take his car to drive to Kevin’s loft.
Nora’s unease grows as she looks around even further. There’s really no personal touch to this loft. It’s like the person who lives here doesn’t exist… Is that how he feels? Non-existent? Then she realizes that one thing seems out of order with the rest of the place. His desk. Of course. His desk.
Nora’s fingers rest on it. She remembers that even as boy, Kevin had always meticulous about his paper-work and she examines the desk more closely. Just like it used to be. Always the same sequence. Stapler, sticky tape, calculator, perforator and his pens: blue, black, green, red, lying next to each other, always the same color-code.
She laughs cynically that something so calculated would be the thing that gave this place its personal touch back. As does the old clown-doll, that his grandmother had given him so long ago. It is still standing on his desk. But Nora knows it’s secret. It’s hollow and inside is the key to the desk.
She picks it up and shakes it and indeed, a little key falls on the desk. If she considers at all whether or not it’s appropriate that she should pry amongst her son’s paperwork, it doesn’t take more than two seconds. She opens the drawer and finds Kevin’s papers. Organized, meticulous, disciplined. That is what the files tell her.
But the more she reads through the papers, the colder she gets. She sincerely never realized how much Kevin knows about her, about William and his financial dealings, but also about Sarah, Kitty, Tommy and Justin… Holly Harper. He has copies of documents dating back 15 years ago and Nora reads them with growing fear.
It isn’t until she reads a file at the bottom of the drawer, underneath all the others, almost hidden out of sight that the pieces of the puzzle start to fall together. Her trembling hand searches for her phone in her pocket and she dials the one number she can think of…
“Mom….” Tommy’s voice is irritated.
“Tommy, can you please come to Kevin’s loft.”
“I think I know who killed your father.” Nora replies out of breath.
“Not on the phone. Please, come here. I’m at Kevin’s loft.”
“How…? Alright, never mind, I don’t want to know. I’m on my way.” Nora nods against her phone and sinks down on the couch.
Kevin turns unto the parking-lot of the motel. Here’s a meeting he’s been looking for, for a few weeks now. Just a little bit longer. A little more patience and he can erase years of feeling miserable. He breathes out, but can’t wipe the huge smile from his face, when he gets out his car.
He straightens his clothes and goes to the door marked 156. His smile is confident as he takes off his sun-glasses. He knocks and the door flings open almost immediately. It takes a few seconds to adjust from the light to the dark, but as Kevin steps into the room, he becomes aware of the gun.
END OF PART 6