Disclaimer: Brothers & Sisters doesn't belong to me.
Summary: follows immediately after 4.14. ***CONTAINS HUGE SPOILERS, IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE EPISODE!!!!***
They are both quiet when they come home from eating ice-cream at Nora’s house. Scotty watches Kevin undress and the few remarks he makes, get replied to very politely by Kevin. It’s obvious that his mind is not on talking with Scotty. Scotty sighs, feeling a bit guilty.
“Kevin, are you sure you’re alright?”
“You seem… far away with your thoughts?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll snap out of it…. Maybe I’m just tired.”
“It’s been a long day… With the cooking in my kitchen, your reunion at school, Kitty’s whole re-election thing…” Scotty sums up, keeping an eye on Kevin, who only nods. “And let’s not forget us failing our first attempt to get Michelle pregnant… They were mine… And yours?” he ventures carefully.
Kevin’s arms drop to his side, but he keeps his back turned to Scotty and shrugs.
“I’ll be fine.” He says after a much longer pause than is required normally. Scotty watches him go to the bed and then he joins him.
“Don’t you think we should talk about this?” Scotty wonders.
“Nothing to talk about. They’re gone. It’s over for this round, now we’ll have to wait until next time.” Kevin replies matter-of-factly.
“Okay.” Scotty says, his voice clearly stating that it’s not ‘okay’. However if Kevin doesn’t want to talk…
Scotty lies down on his back and tries to catch some sleep, but he can feel the tension in Kevin. He can hear, by the way he’s breathing, that Kevin is not yet asleep.
“Kevin, I know you’re still awake. Talk to me.”
“Oh, please, Scotty, don’t act as if you’re my psychiatrist.”
“You’ll be up half the night, if you don’t tell me.. Which is your own business, but you’ll be keeping me awake as well, and that bothers me…” Scotty tries to joke, but his voice misses the right tone to make it funny. He can hear by the change in Kevin’s breathing that he’s irritated. So Scotty sighs, sits up and turns on the light.
“Come on, Kev… Are you angry with Michelle? Because she wasn’t as calm as she should have been? Are you blaming me for not backing you up then? What?”
Kevin sits up as well, shaking his head.
“No. I’m not angry at anyone.”
“That’s because you keep asking me to talk, when there’s nothing to talk about. And I want to sleep and you won’t let me.”
“Kevin….!” The warning of impending argument is clearly in Scotty’s voice. Kevin breathes out loudly and annoyed.
“What do you want me to say, Scotty? Say it and I will say the words you want to hear and get this over with…” Kevin wants to ignore Scotty beyond this point and go back to trying to sleep, but he sees the sad look on Scotty’s face, he changes his mind. “What? Do you want me to tell you that I’m angry with Michelle?
I am! Because maybe it would have taken, if she hadn’t been so all over the place… But then the lawyer in me builds a case for the defense and tells me that if she been had flat on her back all day, not moving an inch, that that would not have guaranteed her pregnancy. So maybe I cannot blame her for something that just happened.
All I know is, she’s not pregnant. It didn’t take, I lost my only chance on it being my ….” He cuts off his sentence as he sees the look on Scotty’s face… “… I mean… maybe I should just shut up and not discuss this…” He then sighs, lying down again, hoping that this will be enough of a signal for Scotty to go back to sleeping as well.
But Scotty doesn’t take the hint.
“Will you resent the child, now that know that it will be mine? I mean, do you want to stop with all this, now that your chances are through?” Scotty feels a bit insulted, as if he’s not good enough for Kevin, which was exactly Kevin feared Scotty would feel.
“No! When we made the decision to go for the surrogacy, we both knew that if we would have only one child it would be either yours or mine! And I was fine with that…”
“Yeah, for as long as the baby would be yours! And not mine!” Scotty isn’t even asking, but just reaching a conclusion.
“I didn’t say that!”
“It’s what you meant to say!” Scotty replies angrily, while getting out of bed
“Don’t put words in my mouth I didn’t say!” Kevin is now standing on the other side.
“Oh! Don’t worry! I’m smarter than trying to argue about words with a lawyer!”
Scotty throws his hands in the air in frustration, then turns around and intends to walk out of the bedroom.
“Oh! Sure! Walk away! Just tell me to ‘deal with it’ like my brother did. And while you’re at it why not have me sign some stupid contract. Just like Tommy did! I already signed away one kid, why not the other one as well?”
Kevin’s words make Scotty stop. Of course. Tommy. Elizabeth. He breathes out slowly and turns back to Kevin, with the intention to give Kevin a piece of his mind, his impatience with the whole Elizabeth situation seriously reaching its boiling point, but when his eyes search Kevin’s, the words stay in his throat.
For Kevin has turned away and stands in front of the window, looking out on the street below, but from the angry way he rubs his face, Scotty can guess that Kevin is crying and wiping away his tears. He looks so lonely and Scotty can feel the wall Kevin is building.
Within a second he stands behind Kevin, wrapping his arms around Kevin. He softly kisses Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin brings up his hands, cupping them as if he holds something precious.
“I just…. I wanted it to be mine….” He says softly.
“I understand.” Scotty hesitantly replies. “I’m disappointed as well. I secretly hoped that both would take and we’d get twins….”
“Don’t tell that to Michelle. I don’t think she had considered the possibility.” Kevin laughs sadly.
“… And I think that I would have been disappointed if it had been yours… My father so wanted a grandchild….”
“Your child.” Kevin nods.
“I’m sure he would love it too, if he knew it was yours.” Scotty replies.
“I know. Mom will love her next grandchild regardless which of us the father. And … I’m going to love our baby. I swear… I’ll be the best father ever…” Kevin replies in all sincerity.
“I’m sure you will.” Scotty answers with conviction.
“But for tonight, will you, please, let me just mourn the loss of my own little fantasy..?” Kevin asks quietly. “I’ll snap out of it in a day or so. I’m sure. Just,… not now.” Scotty nods and holds him tight, more than willing to let Kevin deal with the loss and be beside him in dealing with it.
They stand there, watching the street, for quite a while, until Kevin sighs and breaks Scotty's hold on him. He returns to the bed and Scotty follows Kevin example. He feels Kevin crawl close to him, seeking his comfort.
Scotty quietly holds Kevin close.
“It’s not even sure it will work the next time….” He eventually says. He can hear the quiet little laughter in the dark.
“Oh, it will work. Don’t worry. I just know it will.” Kevin smiles.
“Boy or girl?”
“One of both.” Kevin replies.
“Thought we agreed not to do this to Michelle.” Scotty frowns. “Besides, then both would be mine.”
“Yes, but then we would immediately have all we wanted. And we’d have one each.” Kevin states with a little smile.
“You would spoil one and ignore the other….?” Scotty mocks.
“Yes, Scotty, one of kids will be a Cinderella.” Kevin replies jokingly.
Their fingers entwine, as they daydream together.
“I would love a daughter with your blue eyes.” Kevin then says. “Yes, I’d love that. A daughter that looks like you…. Well, except for one thing…”
“What?” Scotty asks.
“Your 5-day beard… I think our daughter can do very well without that…” Kevin answers seriously and Scotty’s laughter fills the bedroom.
“I love you, Kevin Walker.” He finally manages to say and he holds Kevin even tighter.
“And I love you.” Kevin replies and though there’s still sadness in his eyes, he is prepared to move on to the future…