“Mhm mhm.” Was the only sleepy reply Kevin got from his lover.
“Are you awake?” Kevin asked, letting his finger make some meaningless pattern on Scotty’s chest.
“No. Why?” Scotty’s mind was too busy trying to find out if the pattern did have a meaning.
“Allright, never mind then.” Kevin turned away, smiling, knowing he had made Scotty curious and that would mean….
“Get back here.” Scotty ordered with a playful voice. Kevin counted to five before he slowly turned back. “What?” Scotty asked.
Kevin resumed making patterns, except this time, his finger moved a bit lower and he could hear Scotty hold his breath for a second. Scotty took Kevin’s wrist.
“You are distracting me.” he smiled. “What is it?” Kevin sat up and turned on the small light above the bed. He needed to see Scotty and needed Scotty to see him.
“I’ve… I’ve been doing some thinking… and… you mean so much to me…” Kevin somehow didn’t manage to say ‘I love you’ just yet, he had said those words to Jason and had found them meaningless in the end. ‘I love you’ were such overrated words.
Kevin’s pause worried Scotty. He knew something was bothering Kevin. Kevin had been a bit quiet all night. God, had he spoken to Jason again? Did he regret breaking up? Perhaps he had romanticized his relationship with Scotty as Scotty feared. Did Kevin want to break up again? No, he would have said something before they made love....No?
Kevin could feel Scotty become tense. He bit his lip and said softly:
“Promise me you won’t get angry.”
“Oh .. alright.” Scotty replied hesitantly.
“You mean so much to me…”
“You already said that…” Scotty meant to tease, but the tone of his voice was harsher than he planned and the look Kevin gave him, meant that Scotty shouldn’t have done that.
“You mean so much to me…” Scotty bit his lip, but said nothing. However when Kevin did not seem to continue Scotty got a little annoyed.
“In writing, if you start a sentence like that, it is usually followed by a ‘but dot dot dot and then some unpleasant news’… “ Seeing concern in Scotty’s eyes, Kevin suddenly smiled:
“… AND…” he continued. Scotty started to laugh, because Kevin really looked victorious for a moment before Kevin finished his sentence with : “.. you know, I’d really like it if you let me help you pay for your tuition…”
Feeling Scotty tense up, taking a deep breath to protest, Kevin put his finger on Scotty’s lips: “And before you get all angry, leave this bed and stride out of our bedroom like an offended diva, please listen to me. I have more than enough for both of us where money is concerned. I know you work hard. That you are proud of what you have accomplished… and you have every right to be. I just want to make things easier for you. Just a little more relaxed. I am not going to force you. I do not want to fight with you over this. I am merely… asking … you to… consider it… as just another… option?”
Kevin studied Scotty’s face, trying to figure out if he had offended him or not. It was early in this renewed relationship and he knew Scotty was not entirely convinced that his relationship with Jason was in the past. Besides Scotty had this thing about Kevin paying something for him, so he had a reason to be concerned. The last thing he wanted was to argue with him. It was just so frustrating to see Scotty struggle with something that Kevin could easily solve, if only Scotty would let him.
There was a concern in Kevin’s blue eyes that didn’t go unnoticed. Looking up at Kevin Scotty tried to relax. Had it come to this? That Kevin would not speak freely and make this incredible lovable fool of himself that Scotty liked so much. That Kevin was weighing his words before he would speak? With him? Scotty?
“Well what do you think?” Kevin was clearly worried. Scotty pointed at the finger still covering his lips, not that that would really have prevented him from speaking if he had wanted to. With a little “Oh” Kevin retrieved his finger and finally gave Scotty a chance to answer and he carefully, as if weighing his own words, replied:
“Kevin… thank you for the offer. I am not angry or offended. I am not running away. I appreciate your … option. I understand why you think I might get angry, but I’m not. How about this? Let’s see how things go between us and we discuss this again in a couple of weeks. I might be feel more comfortable about accepting it. How is that?” Scotty saw the relief on Kevin’s face and could not help but smile.
Then suddenly he noticed something: “Do you realize that we just had a very grown up conversation? Where we actually try to listen to each other? And think before we speak ? ” His surprised look so fake, that Kevin couldn’t help but smile:
“Yeah. Scary isn’t it? We’re getting old. ”
“Ah, ah, speak for yourself here. You are lot older than me.” Scotty teased. Kevin merely laughed.
“You know, it is your being so incredibly young that brings all sorts of childish things to my mind.”
“This for instance!” Kevin quickly threw himself on Scotty and started to tickle him, sending them both into a fit of laughter.