About: Kevin, Scotty, Chad, Jason and Alex
Disclaimer: I don’t own Brothers and Sisters, but Alex Grodin is a figment of MY own sick mind.
Summary: The boys realize that they need to talk. Resistance is futile.
Writer's note: It helps if you know my series: Happy now? and Last Christmas
Kevin wonders what had possessed him to leave his husband asleep in the bed and sneak out, write a quick and simple note, that he was gone for some errand and then talk Sherriff Styles in to getting him the permission to see Alex. Because now, in front of Alex’s door, all Kevin wants to do is run away.
But he knows he needs to do this, so he opens the door and, before him, he sees Alex. Just like Chad’s first impression, Kevin also feels that Alex looks very vulnerable, but Kevin is determined not to let himself by lead by ‘how things look’.
“Kevin!” Alex’s face brightens up.
Kevin is about the last person he had expected to see here, especially after his talk with Chad and the abrupt way it had ended.
“Alex.” Kevin acknowledges curtly.
“I’m surprised, I…” Alex eyes light up with happiness.
Kevin watches Alex’s joy with mixed emotions. For a moment Alex is once again the 15-year boy, who comes running up to him, yelling something about making his homework and then he returns to being the murderer he became. Kevin still cannot bring those two different characters together in his mind.
“What is wrong, Kev?... I know, it looks awful.” Alex says, looking at the bandages around his waist, covering up the place where he’s been shot by Kevin. “… but I’m not blaming you. You did what you had to do. I never meant to scare you, but, yes, I can understand how my pointing a gun at you would make you worried.”
“You understand? … How nice.” Kevin replies dryly.
“I’m so glad you finally came to see me… I’ve missed you so much.” Alex confesses with so much desire in his eyes and in his voice, that it almost breaks Kevin’s heart. So he closes his eyes, presses his thumb hard against his wedding-ring and searches for strength there.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be too happy… I didn’t come here to apologize. I came here for one reason only, … to say goodbye. …. Forever.”
“Wh… What?” Alex stammers. He can’t believe the words that come out of Kevin’s mouth. He is unable to understand what Kevin is talking about.
“This is the last time we’ll meet each other. If you ever trouble me or my family or friends again, I will kill you in a way that would make you wish that your Mr X had done the job for me, is that understood? Whatever friendship we once felt for each other… it’s gone. Over. Done with. Finished.
I don’t love you anymore. Not ever again. The more I hear from Chad and Jason, the more becomes known about your past in Europe, the more craziness I hear from you lips, the more I become aware that I never knew you. I have no idea who you are. And I no longer want to know.”
“B… But I don’t understand… You said you wanted me to take responsibility. So when you sent Chad, I took my responsibility. I really did. I didn’t lie about anything. I answered all his questions as honestly as I could. I did exactly what you asked of me.... Why are you mad with me? ... What did I do wrong?”
“I didn’t send Chad, he came here out of his own free will. He was the one who wanted answers, not me. I wanted nothing more to do with you. Not ever again. I just wanted you out of my life. Forever. But after listening to those tapes… You make me sick. This isn’t about me. This all about you.
It’s all about your inability to hold on to a relationship. You don’t care about anybody, certainly not me…. Especially not me…”
“Do you have any idea how guilty I feel towards Chad, Jason and Scotty?... ”
“Kevin, I… “
“… Not to mention those innocents you killed to get to me.”
“John, the guard, was my lover, he was cheating on his wife, having sex with me… He’s not exactly innocent.”
“Did he force you? …. Or did you consent to it? ” Kevin asks angrily, not taking his eyes off Alex and Alex cannot answer the question with a lie.. Not to Kevin. “Yeah, … that’s what I thought. You wanted this just as much as he did. He was your ticket out of prison, so stop playing the victim, because you weren’t.”
“I only did it to get out of prison and get to you. I wanted… I needed to be with you.”
“That’s too bad…. Because I don’t want or need you… What, or rather who, I do need is Scotty. He’s not irrelevant, he’s the man I love. The only man I love. Your suggestion to Chad about Scotty was just ridiculous.
If I were to lose Scotty, I ‘d go through hell and I am not sure I could ever love another man the way I love him,… but if I ever did… It would most certainly not be you.”
“I’m sorry, Kevin. I know I made a mistake with Scotty…. Please, stop punishing me.”
“I’m not punishing you, Alex, I’m just walking out that door for the last time and then you’ll never see me again.”
“You can’t mean that?!” Alex cries out.
“Kevin, no! Please!” Alex sobs, but Kevin only turns around and returns to the door.
“Goodbye Alex.” He says coldly.
As he opens the door he hears how Alex screams his name, but he walks on, angrily brushing away his tears. He searches his way out of the hospital, his heart aches. He cries for the 15 year old boy called Alex, that he lost somewhere a few years later, but he has no tears for the monster he left in that hospital-room.
When Kevin enters the living room, he sees that Chad and Jason have returned from their walk. They have joined Scotty, who sits on the couch, looking a little lost. Kevin doesn’t see anything else except Scotty’s blue eyes, resting on him with tenderness. He doesn’t say anything, just throws himself in Scotty’s arms.
Once again he can’t stop the tears, but this time, he’s not alone. He feels Scotty’s arms around him. After a little hesitation, Jason sits down on the small table and places his hand over Kevin’s hand and Chad softly caresses Kevin’s back.
“I lost him … again.” Kevin sobs. “Except this time I just looked at him and saw him disappear.”
“You went to see him.” Scotty concludes and Kevin nods as he sits up. With Scotty, Chad and Jason around him, he suddenly feels much better.
“I should have said something, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to stand up to him. If I could walk in that room and … say goodbye…
But the kid I used to know, that I used to go to the beach with, that I used to make homework with, the young man I made love with that one night… he’s gone… Just gone... and all that is left is that …. thing… in that room. Something that looks like him, but is just not him. Can’t be him.
I’m so sorry for all he put you through. I wish I could do something to take away your memories, your pain, your anxieties,… but I can’t… And I know it’s my fault… He says he did it all for me, which makes it all my fault.
“No, it’s not, Kev. Don’t worry. No one is blaming you… It just happened to us. To the four of us…”
“I agree with Jason.” Chad says quietly. “The blame is not with you, but with Alex. He, and he alone, is responsible for his actions….” Kevin looks from Scotty to Jason to Chad, suddenly overtaken with happiness because he has an amazing husband and two wonderful exes who seem to be able to forgive him…
By dinner the mood has changed to good again. Kevin can finally let go of the memory of Alex. Scotty made them a delicious vegetarian meal with all sorts of vegetables, some Jason and Chad don’t even recognize, but it all looks festive and smells great, so they eagerly set the table.
Scotty is about to put the last plate on the table, when there’s a knock on the kitchen-door. Chad smiles apologetic and gets up to open the door.
“Evening all…” Sheriff Styles greets with a touch at his hat. “I come here with bad news… About Alex Grodin…”
The four men exchange concerned looks and eventually Chad asks:
“Why? What happened? Please, don’t tell me he escaped again.” Styles shakes his head.
“No… He requested to take a shower… when the nurse came to look in on him, she found him on the bathroom-floor…. He cut his wrists… Lost a lot of blood…. They don’t know if he’ll make it through the night…”
END OF PART 10