About: Kevin, Scotty, Jason, Chad
Disclaimer: I don’t own Brothers and Sisters, but Alex Grodin is a figment of MY own sick mind.
Summary: The boys realize that they need to talk. Resistance is futile.
Writer's note: It helps if you know my series: Happy now? and Last Christmas
Warning: Talk about non-consensual sexual advances.
Chad blinks. The lights are low in the room and the tv is quiet. There’s some infomercial on the screen for some women’s product that Chad definitely doesn’t need. He stretches a bit, waking up the rest of his body. His muscles are soar from sleeping in a cramped position on the couch and his arm hurts.
It’s nearly two in the morning. A few extra hours in his own bed wouldn’t be a bad idea. In the kitchen, he takes his pain-killers and washes the bad taste away with an extra glass of water. He makes a mental note to get a couch that sleeps better as he slowly climbs up the stairs. He’s dead tired.
He’s about to enter his room when he hears a muffled sound. It’s like a someone is in pain. He listens at the door of the room where Kevin and Scotty sleep. If the moaning is coming from that room, he’d better not get involved, he grins. But is all quiet. He turns back to his room, but then hears the sound again.
It’s definitely comes from Jason’s room. He softly knocks on the door. No need to wake up Scotty and Kevin, if all it turns out to be is Jason being sick. There’s no answer and so he slowly opens the door to Jason’s bedroom.
There’s another moan coming from the bed, so Chad approaches it, turns on one of the bed-lights, questions of concern on his lips, when he sees that Jason is still asleep. His hands are over his head, he trashes from left to right and there are tears on his face. With a little cry he wakes up, sits up and starts to scratch at his wrists.
Chad takes a step away. Jason sleeps only in a t-shirt and with the long sleeves of sweaters gone, Chad can see the scratch marks on Jason’s wrist. Not just that horizontal ones of where the real cuffs on the chains had been, but also the vertical ones that seem more recent.
“Jason?” Chad asks carefully. Jason looks at him with a haunted look in his eyes. He’s scared and seems to have no idea where he is, or who Chad is. Slowly Chad sits down on the bed beside Jason, holding his hand up. “Easy, baby, easy. You had a nightmare.” He soothingly says.
Jason turns away and scratches at his wrists again.
“I can’t get them off. I can’t them off me.” He now cries. “Please! Take them off!”
“Shh, shhh, they’re gone, Jase. They’re gone.”
“No! You’re lying! I can feel them.”
“Jason, honey, you had a nightmare. Look! Look at your wrists, sweetie, they’re not really there. It’s all just bad, awful dream.” Jason looks at his wrists and starts to cry uncontrollably.
“I try to get them off me, but I can’t...” He cries and Chad puts an arm around him.
“I know. You tried so hard.. In the barn. You tried so hard to break free, but they were too strong. You couldn’t do it. And that’s alright… You tried….”
“You didn’t give up.”
“I couldn’t break free. I couldn’t save us.”
“True, but not because you were a coward, not because you gave up, not because you stopped fighting, but because the cuffs were too strong. You gave it all you had and then some. There was nothing you could do.”
“I … there was nothing… I could only pray ... and a lot of good that did.” Jason finishes cynically.
“Jason, hearing you pray, gave me strength to move on, because it made me believe that you still believed that we could be rescued. The only one in the barn able to do something was me.
But if it hadn’t been for you, if it hadn’t been for my strong feeling that I could not, should not abandon you, I would have given up. I was in so much pain. But you, your voice in dark, pulled me through. You gave me faith to go on, that is was worth the pain.”
“Yes.” Chad answers and he holds Jason close and tight. Slowly Jason relaxes.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I’m just so tired. I haven’t slept through a night since we were rescued. I wake up after a few hours and stay up half the night, afraid that the nightmares will return.”
“I can imagine. I only sleep through the nights because my pills knock me out every time. I think if I wouldn’t have them…. I’d go crazy.”
“Alex was wrong. Scotty was right. Alex may not have left scars on my body, but he left them on my soul. And I don’t know what to do.”
“Which is why this is perhaps not such a bad idea. You can’t walk away now. Talk to me, talk to Kevin and Scotty. We’ve all been terrorized by that mad-man. On different levels and in different ways. But we each have scars.”
“I just want to forget.”
“I get that, Jason, so do I, but we both know it doesn’t work like that. Kevin and Scotty went through a difficult period last year, after Scotty had been attacked by Alex, and, even now, they still sometimes run into matters that effect them because of it. Maybe tomorrow we should sit down and listen to what they did…
It might not be the solution for you, or me, but they may certainly come with options and ideas worth trying…. We have tried the ‘forget about it’ and the 'pretend it didn’t happen' method and neither of them really seemed to work…. Not for me anyway.”
“For me neither.” Jason smiles. “Yes, that might be a good idea.”
“Now, try and get some sleep. Alright?” Chad says, reluctantly letting go of Jason.
“Can’t you stay? Just a little longer?” Jason asks.
“I’m sorry, my pills are starting to work and I’m getting sleepy...”
“Then stay here. With me. I mean, nothing has to happen… I just … I might sleep better if I weren’t … alone?”
Chad hesitates, he's not sure if this is a good idea, but he’s tired and Jason seems to need him.
“Alright, then.” He says, rolling his eyes. “…move over and don’t steal all the covers...” Chad warns and Jason chuckles.
At first Chad tries to not get in touch with Jason at all, but Jason snuggles a little closer and with a little sigh Chad puts an arm around Jason. There’s a bit of shifting and turning, especially because of Chad’s arm, but eventually, Jason feels Chad’s chest against his back. The embrace feels warm and protective.
It's quiet for a little while and Chad has closed his eyes, wanting to drift off to sleep, when he hears Jason’s voice.
“Are you asleep?” Chad doesn’t answer. He really wants to get some sleep and talking to Jason won’t bring him that.
But then he hears Jason whisper: “I’m glad you’re asleep. At least now I can say something, that I would never have said otherwise… Alex was partially right. I am not afraid of myself, but I did fear him. I am not repulsed by intimacy, but I was repulsed by the idea of him touching me. And…. That’s because he did... touch me.”
There’s a sob and Chad forces himself to breath regularly as to not let Jason know that he’s awake. And so, quietly he listens to the whispered confession coming from Jason’s lips.
“He already terrified me with the picture of Kitty and Evan. I know how much Robert loves his wife and child and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Kevin would feel if anything happened to his sister and nephew. My nephew… My sister-in-law…. And my fear amused Alex…
He started to ask me questions about my life with Kevin… At first silly little things, like what Kevin preferred for breakfast or what his favorite restaurant was. And then it moved on to what Kevin liked to do in bed. I didn’t want to answer him… And then he … he put his hands on my clothes and started to touch me, caress me…
He asked me if it reminded me of Kevin, whether Kevin was nicer or rougher than him and I just wanted him to stop. I didn’t want to be touched by him. And I told him that and he just laughed, saying I didn’t have much of a choice…. And then he got on his knees. And I got really scared.
He undid my pants and then he … he had his mouth on me… It was so revolting and I was so scared. And I could go nowhere except back against the wall and then I was caught between him and the wall. I wanted to push him away. Tell him to stop. Turn away, but these shackles kept me in place and I couldn’t defend myself.
And worst of all was…. I got turned on… I got aroused and he thought that was so funny… I was terrified and he just laughed…” Chad blinks in the dark, forgetting his earlier plan to pretend to be asleep. Instead he holds Jason even tighter… He realizes his mistake when Jason stiffens in his arms.
“You’re awake?” Jason states with a broken voice.
“How much have you heard?”
“Oh, God.” Jason tries to sit up, but Chad pulls him back into his embrace. “You got to hate me for being so weak.. I hate myself… for giving in….” Chad can hear how much Jason tries to restrain his tears.
“I don’t hate you, Jason. I don’t think you’re weak. You’ve been put in an awful position.”
“I should have done something.”
“But there was nothing your could do.”
“I know… And still… I can’t forgive myself…” Jason’s voice sounds so soft that Chad almost misses his words.
Chad doesn’t say anything. He only kisses the back of Jason’s neck very softly and pulls him closer to his own body.
“Does it bother you if I hold you like that?” Chad asks.
“No…. I trust that you won’t do anything against my wishes.”
“I won’t. I just want to hold you, that’s all..... Still want me to stay? Or should I go?”
“Please, stay.” Jason says. “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Then try and get some sleep, I’ll be here and I won’t let Alex hurt you anymore.”
“My hero.” Jason chuckles in the dark.
Chad smiles as well and Jason can’t help but enjoy the warm, strong body against his own. He feels safe and protected…. And tired. So incredibly tired. He fights sleep a tad bit longer, but then loses the fight, unaware that Chad has lost his own battle to stay awake.
The early morning sun comes through the small space where the curtains aren’t touching. And one ray of sunshine has decided that morning to bother Scotty to a point where Scotty just had to wake up. A bit annoyed, Scotty gets out of bed, wanting to close the curtains properly and enjoy another hour of sleep.
However, his gets distracted as he looks outside. During the night the village got blessed with a new layer of snow and all he sees is a sea of whiteness and it looks so pretty. The trees look majestic, the black fences are in sharp contrast with the fields of white and from here the church looks like it got cut out of a Christmas card.
He opens the window a bit and lets his fingers touch the snow on the ledge. It is soft, cold powder and Scotty grabs a handful of it, quickly carries it to the bed, before it melts in his hands and shoves it in Kevin’s neck. Kevin wakes up with a loud yelp and rolls out of the bed, taking the wetness out of his hair and neck.
Scotty laughs out at Kevin's rude awakening.
“Sorry,…” He hiccups with laughter. “… that was just too much temptation to resist.”
“I hate you…” Kevin says slowly, trying to get angry, but Scotty’s laughter is too contagious.
“I thought you’d be happy to be informed straightaway, that you were right…”
“..’bout what?” Kevin mumbles, drying off his neck with Scotty’s t-shirt, giving Scotty a look of daring to protest the use of his shirt.
“That everything looks better in the morning. Come take a look!”
He takes Kevin’s hand and pulls him towards the still open window. The crispy cold air makes Kevin shiver, but Scotty is right. It’s all beautiful outside. He looks out the window and feels Scotty standing behind him, his hands rest on Kevin’s hips.
“It is pretty.” Kevin acknowledges.
Scotty hums some reply, kissing Kevin’s shoulder and neck. Kevin closes the window and bows his head to let Scotty do what he wants to do. One of Scotty’s hands move to Kevin’s belly and pulls Kevin even closer to his own body, the other one takes Kevin by the chin and gently pushes his head backwards to steal a kiss.
Kevin turns around in Scotty’s arms to be able to reply even better to the kiss and Scotty pulls him back to the bed. He pushes Kevin down on it and covers Kevin’s body with his own, pulling the blankets up over their bodies so they are in a little cocoon and as Scotty's lips take possession of his own, Kevin figures that breakfast will have to wait… just a little bit longer.
END OF PART 8