About: Kevin, Scotty, Jason, Chad
Disclaimer: I don’t own Brothers and Sisters, but Alex Grodin is a figment of MY own sick mind.
Summary: The boys realize that they need to talk. Resistance is futile.
Writer's note: It helps if you know my series: Happy now? and Last Christmas
The dinner turns out to be a quiet one. Jason hasn’t joined them. He complained of an upset stomach and just wanted to lie down and be left alone. Chad, Scotty and Kevin only discuss superficial topics from compliments to Scotty about the wonderful food to wondering if perhaps tomorrow they should go skiing.
But it all feels strained. Most of the conversation is between Chad and Kevin, because Scotty is very quiet. His mind is clearly somewhere else. And unless he’s spoken to directly, he doesn’t join the conversation, although Kevin attempts to get him to speak his mind.
After dinner, they help Scotty clear the table and, on Scotty’s insistence, Kevin and Chad go back to the living-room to watch some tv. In the meantime Scotty straightens the mess he made in the kitchen. And while going over the routine of cleaning up, Scotty finally finds some normalcy to his day.
Somehow the experiences of the day had been nothing but a pile of fragments, shock, confusion, pity and attempts to understand what he heard. But as he fills the dishwasher the pieces are slowly becoming a whole day. They start to connect, make sense and fall into place.
Putting extra effort into cleaning the top of the kitchen-table gives him a way to get rid of some of his frustrations, but it isn’t until he mops the kitchen-floor that he dares to face what is really on his mind. It’s a dark place in his mind, where he hasn’t been in nearly a year, but he feels that maybe now he should… For Jason…
Scotty takes a plate, puts a sandwich on it and makes some tea and then carries the tray up the stairs to Jason’s room, where he knocks on the door.
“Come in.” Jason says and Scotty opens the door.
“I come in peace.” He jokes. “I thought you might be hungry.”
“Oh, thank you, I’m not really hungry, but this is nice.” Jason smiles, taking the tray out of Scotty’s hands and putting it next to him on the bed. Scotty sits down at the foot of the bed. He isn’t sure of where to begin, so he just starts to talk, a bit nervous:
“Alex was right, you know, about there being other ways to scare or hurt someone. And Alex lied.... He did hurt me…”
“Scotty, I don’t want to discuss Alex right now.”
“Please, Jason, this is not easy for me.” Scotty says quietly.
“I’m sorry.” Jason replies, genuinely feeling sorry for cutting Scotty off like that. “I didn’t mean to…. What are you talking about?”
“When he attacked me at our loft…. He said he didn’t hurt me, but he did. And I’m not talking about the bump on the head.
I’m talking about the emotional damage. It nearly cost me my relationship with Kevin, because I couldn’t stand to be touched by Kevin anymore. I didn’t dare to be … intimate with him. You see, while I was there on the bed , tied up and unable to defend myself, he… Alex touched me.”
Scotty swallows the content of his stomach back down. He would prefer to simply leave now, but he can’t.
“I’m sorry, this is hard for me. No one else, except Max and Kevin, knows this… But… Alex wanted to know if Kevin knew how to please me.
He undressed me and touched me and made suggestions about what Kevin would do to me. I … I didn’t want him to touch me, but he did it anyway. I was tied up, unable to speak, defenseless… “ Scotty takes a deep breath and sees that Jason looks at him with big eyes. His face is all pale again.
“I tried to show him how repulsed I was by not responding to him, but … then I did anyway and I felt so dirty afterwards. I felt violated and intimidated by his actions… I was sick of it… And though he didn’t physically hurt me any further, he certainly left his scars on my life….
And the reason why I’m telling you all this, is because I believe he may have done something to you. Something that doesn’t leave a mark on your body, but only on your soul….” Scotty finishes his story. By now, Jason definitely looks sick and he suddenly rolls of the bed, rushes to the bathroom and Scotty can hear him throw up.
Scotty slowly get up to walk to the bathroom, once he hears the water running. Jason is washing his face when Scotty comes in. Jason lowers the towel when he sees Scotty, then he turns to face Scotty.
“I’m sorry about what happened to you, Scotty. That was very unjust. And I can see how you felt that maybe we had something in common. But, Alex never did anything to me… Nothing ever happened.”
“It. Never. Happened….. Now, please, leave me alone.” Jason orders him harshly.
Scotty takes a step back as if Jason just hit him. Then he nods and leaves the room without another word. He immediately goes to his own room and sinks down on the bed, feeling sick as well. It had taken him all his courage to tell Jason, but he really believed that it might help Jason… Now, he knows he was wrong.
“I’m off to bed.” Kevin says. Chad nods. “Are you going as well?”
“No, I want to finish this and maybe watch another movie… Kevin, I’m sorry.”
“Going to Alex. Making you all listen to the tape. Seems Jason and Scotty took it pretty bad.”
“It had to be done. You had to do what you had to do.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt Scotty. Or Jason.”
“And maybe Jason just ate something bad and maybe Scotty was just tired and went to bed early, maybe whatever is bothering them is not your fault.
As long as neither of them blames you for anything, you cannot possible know what goes on in their heads.” And with those words, Kevin gets up, gives Chad a quick goodnight kiss on top of his head and goes to his own bedroom, to find Scotty. Chad reconsiders Kevin’s words. Maybe Kevin is right and he is taking it all too personal…
Kevin undresses in the dark, in the assumption that Scotty is already asleep, until the light above the bed gets turned on.
“Hey, baby. Thought you were already in dream-land.” Kevin smiles sweetly, but Scotty shakes his head.
“I was just thinking. I think I made a complete fool of myself.”
“Why? What have you done?” Kevin asks and Scotty tells him about his little talk with Jason. Kevin’s frown becomes even deeper by the end of Scotty’s story.
“I don’t think you made a fool of yourself, Scotty. It was very brave of you. I know how hard it is, for you, to talk about it.”
“Do you think that Jason was right. That I was looking for something that just wasn't there?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I didn’t hear the intonation in his words… or in yours. I can’t judge.” Kevin tries diplomatically and Scotty is smart enough to understand that in a delicate situation like this, sometimes words just don’t end up sounding the way you planned.
Kevin slips under the blankets, turns off the light and turns his back on Scotty, knowing what will follow and indeed, immediately Scotty’s arm possessively rests around his waist as Scotty spoons up against him. Kevin sighs. After all that has happened today, this is the best place to be. In Scotty’s arms.
He expects Scotty to go right to sleep and is therefore startled when he suddenly hears Scotty’s voice in the dark.
“Was Alex right? About Jason?”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you ever seen Jason as someone who was disgusted with himself and couldn’t handle being gay? Afraid of intimacy?”
“Are you asking me about my sex-life with Jason?” Kevin asks astounded, turning around in Scotty’s arms, trying to look at him in the dark.
“No… No, I’ve never had the idea that Jason was sexually repressed, dealing with insecurities or disliking himself. He was aware of his position in the church. Aware that he was constantly on display and we had to be careful with what we did.
You know the prejudice. If two straight men talk to each other, it’s just talk. Two gay guys talking together is foreplay.” Kevin can hear Scotty chuckle in the dark. “That was something he was aware of 24 hours a day, seven days a week and especially on Sunday.
Any mistake he would make, would be the immediate result of his being gay and not of him just being a member of the human race. So, we had to be careful with public displays of affection, but at least we weren’t completely in the closet, like I had been with Chad.
Jason didn’t want to rub our relationship in the faces of the people of his congregation, but at the same time talked about me as ‘my boyfriend’ and I was quickly accepted, or not accepted by some, as ‘Jason’s partner’. And there’s something else that makes me think that Alex was wrong.
He was confident in what he wanted between the sheets, not ashamed to say what he liked or didn’t like and…. quite capable to … keep me… satisfied… in many .. creative… ways and open to .. new strategies?” Kevin hesitantly says. Scotty can’t see in the dark, that Kevin has a grin on his face, because Kevin knows that Scotty’s jealousy is awakening.
Scotty coughs and Kevin’s grin gets bigger.
“Yeah, well…. Alex was obviously wrong, then… isn’t it?” Scotty replies as casually as possible and Kevin nearly chokes on his laughter. “Are you laughing at me?” Scotty asks.
“Sorry, baby, you asked the question, I merely answered… I wasn’t boasting. And I sure wasn’t making comparisons….” And he now turns completely to Scotty. “You do know that anyone would fall short in comparison to you, don’t you?” His fingers caress Scotty’s face. “You’re the only one I want.”
Their lips meet in the dark. A soft, lazy kiss between two people completely in love with each other. Scotty still wants to say something, but Kevin’s mouth on his prevents him from talking, Scotty’s lips part to give access to Kevin’s tongue and whatever Scotty had planned fades to the back of his mind, especially when Kevin proceeds to kiss that exact little spot, right under his ear, that is guaranteed to make Scotty buck up and press his body against Kevin’s.
Scotty’s fingers play with Kevin’s curls, forcing Kevin’s lips back on his. Kevin shifts a bit so that Scotty can turn the positions and be on top of Kevin. And Scotty doesn’t hesitate. With steady hand he caresses Kevin’s shoulders, moving down to his arms, his sides and slipping underneath Kevin to pulls him even closer.
Kevin responds immediately. He wraps his arms around Scotty, spreads his legs to let Scotty lie between them and pushes himself up against Scotty, offering his mouth to be kissed. But Scotty is too eager to play it slow. He reaches out, underneath his pillow lies the tube he’s looking for.
“I know, I should take it slow, but …. I want you.” He explains softly to Kevin and Kevin can only nod. Usually Scotty is full of tenderness and patience, but not tonight. Tonight he wants it fast and passionate and Kevin… well, he can live with that.
“That ought to do it.” He hears Scotty say. “If it hurts or isn’t right….”
But Kevin knows that Scotty will stop immediately if Kevin would signal any discomfort. He gasps softly when Scotty enters him, because Scotty moves rather fast.
“Pain?” Kevin smiles as he hears the concern in Scotty’s voice.
“No, just want. You feel so good inside me.” Kevin whispers as a reply, proving his words by rolling up his hips a bit.
This time it’s Scotty who gasps, because he slips deep down into Kevin’s body and he hears Kevin’s soft victorious laughter. Now he laughs as well.
“You’re so in trouble for this.” Scotty ‘threatens’.
“Promises, promises, Mr Wandell.” Kevin teases back.
But then Scotty starts to move and Kevin doesn’t laugh anymore, he only closes his eyes and enjoys becoming one with Scotty. His lips part and the soft noises come in the same rhythm as Scotty’s thrusts. Scotty’s hand are on his hips, holding him where Scotty wants him, but Kevin doesn’t care. He lets Scotty take the lead.
Occasionally Scotty stops to kiss Kevin, but Kevin protests the stops more and more and eventually Scotty doesn’t stop anymore. The movements become frantic, uncoordinated and rough, but Kevin is not complaining. He calls out Scotty’s name and then quietly begs for more, until Scotty finally lets go, taking Kevin with him.
Exhausted, they both relax in each other’s arms. Scotty is aware that there was something he meant to say to Kevin, but Kevin shifts in his arms and Scotty’s head rests against Kevin’s chest and hearing the calm heartbeat of his husband, the memory fades away and Scotty drifts off to sleep.
END OF PART 7