Disclaimer: Brothers & Sisters is not mine. Written with love, not for money.
Summary: Scotty wakes up in the middle of the night.
Scotty wakes up and automatically he searches for Kevin’s body and when his husband’s warm body is not close, he opens his eyes to see what happened. He finds Kevin leaning against the doorpost between the bedroom and the bedroom. He has an amused look on his face from seeing Scotty wake up and search for him.
It gives Kevin a warm feeling to know that the first thing his husband is reaching for, when he wakes up, is him.
“Come back to bed.” Scotty mumbles and taps on the empty spot beside him.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?” Kevin asks in reply.
It takes a least 5 seconds before Scotty registers what Kevin said to him. He lifts his head and tries to figure out if Kevin is just teasing him, but he seems totally sincere.
“No. Yes.. I don’t know… Maybe.” Scotty stammers, still half asleep, but also not knowing what to answer without sounding arrogant or.. ugly.
Kevin’s face becomes even more tender.
“You are... Beautiful that is. I could just stand here and watch you for hours. The way you sleep, the way you twitch your face when something tickles, I love those little noises you make when you turn. They sound so content…. And I just imagine … ”
Then, as if Kevin feels that he already said too much he turns away.
“Please, don’t stop. Tell me what you think, what you feel.” Scotty begs, now fully awake, but Kevin shrugs.
“It’s not important.”
“Yes, it is.” Scotty insists. “Your feelings are important to me.”
“You know how I feel.”
“Yes. I love you.”
“Great. Because I love you too… but I somehow feel that that was not the purpose of you, standing there, looking at me?” Scotty asks and Kevin is suddenly shy.
“You’ll just laugh at me when I tell you, because it’s a bit silly.”
“I won’t laugh.” Scotty promises, still concerned.
Kevin opens his mouth as if he’s about to stay something and then closes it again.
“Forget it. It’s not important.”
“Yes, it is. Now, come on, spill the secret…” Scotty reaches out to Kevin and Kevin gets on the bed. Scotty immediately pulls him closer.
“Alright… When we’re together… when I’m with you…” He breathes out as if he’s been holding his breath and then begs: “Scotty, promise me you won’t laugh..”
“I promise.” Scotty replies.
“I.. when we are together.. I feel free…”
“Yes. I’ve always felt, even when I was older, that me sleeping with another man was ‘wrong’, something I shouldn’t do, but I did anyway…
It’s like eating a cookie when you’re on a diet. You shouldn’t do it. You won’t go to prison for doing it and yet… it has a bit of a strange, guilty after-taste… but whenever I’m with you, that feeling is not there. No guilt. No bad feeling. Just the freedom… to be me… I know, that sounds completely nuts.” Kevin seems embarrassed by his words.
He carefully looks at Scotty, who, as he promised, is not laughing. To the contrary, he is very serious.
“That is not ‘nuts’, Kevin, you’ve lived a long time with a lot of restrictions around you. Your study, your dad, your work,…
Everything was a constant reminder of how others think you should be and not of who you really are… I’m glad you think that is my doing, but you being you, is something you do all by yourself.” Scotty holds Kevin close. He can feel Kevin shake his head.
“No, you bring it out in me.” He says stubbornly and Scotty starts to smile.
He thinks carefully over his next words and then concedes:
“Maybe. But I believe it is because you let me do that… Let’s not argue about this? I think it may be something we do together. You made me want to make something of myself. You gave my life direction.
And maybe as a counter-measure I gave you freedom from certain shackles in your life… Can’t we just say that we bring out the best in each other and that we love each other?”
“Sounds good to me.” Kevin says, his voice a bit sleepy now that he’s in Scotty’s arms.
“You know what even sounds better?”
“Sleep?” Kevin chuckles.
“Sleep.” Scotty confirms. And Kevin lies down beside him and turns his back to Scotty. Scotty crawls closer and spoons up against Kevin.
He can feel how Kevin relaxes and how Kevin’s grip on his hand loosens as Kevin falls asleep. Scotty kisses Kevin’s hair before closing his eyes. With his husband safely asleep in his arms, he know he can rest too.