Amnesia Part 2/3
About: Kevin, Scotty, Robert, Jason
Disclaimer: B&S is not mine, written with love, not for money.
Summary: After an accident Jason looses the last two years of his life.
Jason stares at the ceiling, alone with his thoughts. He’s not allowed to have a tv or radio in his room and telephones are banned as well. Which is not bad, considering that his head feels as if it’s about to explode, but he no longer wants to complain about the headaches, afraid that they will keep him even longer in the hospital.
Or, maybe, if he’s really honest to himself, he would also have to admit, that he’s afraid of what might be wrong with his head. He somehow feels as if he’s not in sync with the rest of the world. Like they speak a different language, or perhaps some discrepancy between what they say and their body language.
Kevin and Robert always disliked each other verbally and Jason could live with that. Like Kevin, he’s a Democrat at heart, although he votes for Robert whenever he can, so he can understand the political differences between them, because he knows that Robert and Kevin respect each other as human beings.
But today, they almost seemed to have rallied together and yet they weren’t. There was a underlying behavior that didn’t match with the way they talked to each other. Pretend. Fake. Make-believe. Yeah, that’s the word for it. Make-believe. Had they tried too hard to be friendly, to show him he shouldn’t worry about them?
And speaking of make-believe, he himself feels like a fake as well. He doesn’t understand what is wrong with him. He knows that Kevin is his boyfriend, and yet… he doesn’t seem to feel it anymore. And he tries to remember if he had a fight with Kevin before he left home, before the accident.
The pain in his head throbs on. He had asked the nurse to close the curtains and turn off as much light as possible, but somehow, when he rubs his eyes, they are wet with tears, he can’t keep his eyes open for long without the feeling that his eyes are completely dry. So his head-ache is not from the light.
He sighs and tries to remember the accident, but he can’t. Not really. Just some blurry images, darkness, lights, noises and silence. He sighs again, closes his eyes and tries to relax and again he tries to access his memory. He was driving… He tries to remember driving, but there are no images. Seems like everything in his head is blocked.
Is he going crazy? Maybe he should talk to the doctor? What if he has some brain-damage? Just before panic sets in, the door opens and the nurse enters, a smile on her pretty face as she wipes her long blonde hair over her shoulder.
“So, how are we feeling today?” She asks in a soft, pleasant voice.
“Don’t know about your part of the ‘we’, but my part of the ‘we’ feels like I got run over by a car.” Jason replies grumpily to her cheerfulness. She laughs quietly.
“Good. That means that there’s life in you again.”
“Because I feel miserable?”
“Yes, you can feel miserable, because you’re still alive.”
“Oh, yippee.” Jason reacts, but he cannot help the little smile that shows around his lips.
“Here you go. Your next shot. You’ll feel so much better in a few minutes.”
“The good drugs, huh?” Jason now grins.
“You’ll be sleeping like a baby all night, which will give me time to put my feet on the table and have nap as well.” She jokes in return.
“I must look terrible. All black and blue… My brother told me I look awful.” Jason says and the young nurse looks Jason up and down. There’s hardly a scratch on Jason’s face.
Even the bandages look good on him. Then she remembers the warning. Memory-loss. Be careful. Go with it for now.
“I’ve seen worse.” She says in all honesty.
“Really?” Jason now laughs, still believing he’s the one who looks awful.
“Should have seen my last blind date… Illegitimate offspring of Quasimodo and the bride of Frankenstein, I’m sure of it…”
“So, did you run or did you still go out with him?”
“I went out with him… I love horror-movies…” She replies with a wink.
Still laughing, Jason watches her leave the room and he’s alone with his thoughts again. He still feels like there’s something wrong, something he can’t put his finger on, but he cannot worry about it for long, because the medicines start to kick in and he drifts off to sleep again.
Kevin enters the loft, again, and the first thing he sees is Scotty, on the couch, waiting for him. Kevin raises his hands.
“I don’t want to fight.” He says in a tired voice.
“Neither do I, baby. I love you. And I’m sorry.” Scotty replies immediately.
Kevin visibly relaxes and Scotty reaches out to him.
“C’me here.” He says quietly and Kevin sits down beside him and a few seconds later he’s safely in Scotty’s arms. “I’m sorry, you were right, Kevin. You didn’t want to do it and I talked you into it. I had no right to get mad at you.
I guess that when I smelled the after-shave, that jealousy worm reared its ugly head again and I suddenly realized that you must have been really close to Jason today and… I guess this must sounds so stupid… but I love you so much and I don’t want him to touch you, be with you or anything. You’re mine! …
I wanted to prove to you that I was grown up enough to handle this. I guess I thought I had it under control, that I thought I could be ‘fine’ with it, that it was only make-believe. But I was wrong. It just didn’t sit that well with me after all. But that is my own stupid fault and not yours.”
“Fair enough.” Kevin replies, feeling Scotty’s hands on his back. Scotty lifts up Kevin’s head, kisses him softly on the lips and Kevin hungrily replies, needing to feel Scotty close to him. For a moment they are lost in their kiss, but then Scotty breaks the kiss.
“How did it go with Jason? I will listen. No jealousy. I trust you.” He says calmly.
“Good and bad. Good, because his injuries could have been far worse. The doctors could not find any reason to believe that he has some brain-injury. The shock of the accident must have caused him to lose two years of his life, but they don’t know why he’s stuck in that particular moment.
However, he could wake up tomorrow and remember everything. It could also take weeks… And I … I don’t want to wait that long. I don’t think I can even make it through tomorrow. I didn’t like this when Robert suggested it and I like it even less now. Jason believes so strongly that he and I are still together…
He’s making such an effort to hold on to it, he’s so incredibly sweet, that it suffocates me. I just want to tell him the truth. I feel so dirty about keeping up the lie. I lie to him, I feel like I’m cheating on you and I simply hate to take off my wedding ring to keep up the pretence.
I put that ring on your finger because I love you, because it’s you I wanted to be with, grow old with. I wanted to show you my dedication. That I have faith in you. In us. And I thought that it was also the reason why you put this ring on my finger…”
“.. It is…” Scotty replies, breathless by Kevin’s unexpected passionate words.
“I feel it’s wrong to take it off and pretend that I’m with Jason. It lessens the value of our ceremony, of what it means to me. And I strongly doubt that Jason will be happy with this. He takes symbols like wedding-rings very serious. I don’t think he’ll be too thrilled to find out that I took off my ring to play a game for him.
And that is another thing. I can understand Robert’s initial shock, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt that Jason will appreciate all the faking. He’s not as fragile as Robert believes him to be…”
“Maybe you should talk to Robert about this.” Scotty suggests carefully.
“I will… Right now, all I want a hot shower and maybe I won’t feel so dirty…” Kevin sighs as he gets up and leaves. Scotty counts to ten before following Kevin into the bathroom. He can feel Kevin’s shock when he puts his hands on Kevin’s body.
“I thought we’d shower and get clean together.” Scotty says softly and Kevin smiles.
Jason is done. Done with the silence in the room, the lack of information from the outside world, he misses Kevin like crazy. He knows Kevin will be here again this afternoon, but when he woke up two hours ago, he simply knew that something was missing between Kevin and him and that he could not spend another day, not knowing why he feels that way.
So, while the nurses are busy, he gets up and tells them that he wants to wash himself. He enters the small shower cubicle and looks in the mirror and wonders why Robert said that he’s covered in black and blues, because he isn’t. An uneasy feeling comes over him. Kevin too had implied that he did not to want to kiss Jason due to the bruises.... What bruises?
Why are Kevin and Robert lying to him? He needs answers and he needs to get out of here. His head still hurts, but he’s convinced that once he’s away from the hospital, he’ll be able to relax. He just needs a quiet place and he needs something to kill the pain. Something like the strip of aspirins he always carries with him.
He doesn’t shower, but instead slowly dresses himself and in an moment when all the nurses are busy he sneaks out of the room and quickly moves to the elevators. Luckily he still has his wallet. He can take a cab to Kevin’s apartment… And lucky for him, someone just brought a patient. He can get in and leave the hospital-ground.
“I see your point, Kevin… And I think, you’re right. When I found out that Jason believed it was 2007 and that you were still his boyfriend, I panicked. I thought he would be unable to handle the truth, but you’re right. Jason hates begin lied to and I think we should correct that as soon as possible.” Robert sighs.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I thought I could do it. Scotty thought he could handle it. But… it’s though, because …. things …. have changed so drastically…”
“Kevin, you’re right. This shouldn’t happen at the expense of your relationship with Scotty. I’m grateful that both of you gave me enough time to prepare him for the shock."
“Really?” Kevin feels a bit strange that Robert gives in so easily, he had expected more of a fight. Robert smiles.
“Yeah. I know you cared, and still care, a lot about Jason, but Scotty is the one for you. And at the time, two years ago, I wasn’t very happy with the way you broke up with Jason.
But, over time, I’ve come to realize, that you really didn’t have much of a choice. You were honest enough to break my brother’s heart, when you found out that you loved Scotty more. You could have dragged the relationship, you could have continued to cheat on Jason, but you didn’t. As painful as it was, you broke upwith him.”
“Oh, be honest. You were glad to get rid of me.” Kevin jokes, slightly overwhelmed by Robert’s words.
“That too.” Robert admits, but with a huge smile that takes the sting out of his words. “Especially whenever I see you with Scotty. I think you made the right choice for yourself…
You know, why don’t we go to the hospital after our meeting with Mr Harding. We’ll go together and tell Jason the truth.”
“Safety in numbers, huh?”
“Something like that.” Robert laughs.
END OF PART 2.