Amnesia - Part 1/3
About: Kevin, Scotty, Robert, Jason
Disclaimer: B&S is not mine, written with love, not for money.
Summary: After an accident Jason looses the last two years of his life.
Jason doesn’t know what hits him. One moment he’s driving, the next he sees a huge, dark object coming at him. He hits the brakes, but it’s too late. There’s a loud crashing sound, the feeling of endless tumbling and then there’s silence…. He opens his eyes, but only sees flashing lights… Ambulances…
Someone tries to talk to him, but he doesn’t believe he can reply… Everything fades to black… Bright lights, lots of clanging noises… He sinks back into this peaceful, black void until he opens his eyes, blinks at the dimmed lights over his head and hears a voice say:
“Well, hello there, Reverend McCallister… Glad to see you back… You gave us quite a scare…”
Jason is aware that Robert is talking to him. He can see Robert’s lips move, but he cannot concentrate on what Robert is talking about. It just doesn’t register with him.
“Head-injury… At least one more week in the hospital…” Jason hears.
“Bobby....” He says softly. “I’m tired. I don’t get it all...”
“You are lucky to have survived the crash.”
“Other car…. Missed a red light…. Hit you….” Though Robert speaks in full sentences, which Jason gathers from the movement of Robert’s lips, the words don’t seem to hit home.
Jason slowly closes his eyes. The blinding pain thunders through his head. Keeping his eyes open for more than a few minutes requires everything he has.
“Still here. Bobby. My head hurts….” Jason softly whimpers.
“I’ll get a doctor.”
“I want to talk to Kevin…”
“Please, Robert, not now… I know you don’t like him…. but he’s my boyfriend…”
“B...?” Robert bites his lip, feeling lucky that Jason’s eyes are closed. “I’ll talk to Kevin.”
“He needs to call the church and explain about the accident…”
“I can call them too.” Robert offers.
“...Need to cancel trip to Malaysia..” Jason breaths shallowly.
“Aaaaalright…” Robert replies hesitantly…. “When is your flight?”
“In two days. You know that.”
“Alright… very good.” Robert smiles, his heart beating wildly. “And… just to make sure, baby-brother…. What year is this?”
“It’s 2007… I know my head hurts, but I’m not insane… I just want Kevin.” There’s a little frown on Jason’s face, as the nurse gives him another sedative and Robert watches Jason drift back to sleep. With Jason asleep Robert can worry about how to tell his brother that not only Kevin is no longer his boyfriend, Kevin is married to someone else and Jason has lost two years of his life.
“So you see, it’s serious…” Robert says, looking from Kevin’s shocked face to Scotty's, less shocked, but nonetheless concerned. “I know, I’m asking a lot, but … is it possible for you to fake it? Just for a day or two? … that you and Jason… I don’t know how to tell him… and he seems to need you…” It is clear that Robert knows what he’s asking.
Kevin shakes his head.
“I can’t do that. Jason and I are through and I’m married to Scotty and …”
“… Jason needs you.” Scotty interferes and, not giving Kevin time to think, Robert immediately says:
“And it’s only for a day or two. If he remains calm, the doctor can examine him.”
“That’s not the point. I don’t want to lie to Jason. And I’m not going to pretend that he’s my boyfriend, when I’m married to someone else.”
“Kevin…. If it’s on account of what you promised me, then let it go…” Scotty replies quietly, before he continues:
“Jason had a serious accident. He just lost two years of his life. If seeing you can help him to relax, then let him see you. Just pretend he’s your boyfriend. It’s not like you’ll be here all day. Just a few hours… And then you come home to me and I’ll be there for you. Just help Jason.” Scotty says.
“Scotty….” Kevin shakes his head, still unsure if he should do it or not.
“Kevin, I know how much I’m asking of you… but, please, my brother needs you.” Robert nearly begs and when Kevin looks at Scotty, he can see Scotty nod.
“Alright.” Kevin says, but he immediately warns:
“It’s for 48 hours only. I’m going to give you two days to find a way to tell Jason, after that, I’m sorry, I’m married to Scotty and though I still care a lot about Jason, I’m not going to put my own relationship in jeopardy over him.” Robert nods in agreement to Kevin’s words and Scotty is glad that Kevin puts in an ultimatum.
“Going in.” Kevin announces, not as secure in his feelings as he’d like to be.
“Kev, your ring.” Scotty reminds Kevin and Kevin stares at the ring that Scotty put on his finger, just a year ago. He swallows hard as he takes it off his finger.
“I hate this.” He tells Scotty and Robert. He turns around to enter Jason’s room and doesn’t notice the ‘me too’ on Scotty’s lips.
Kevin feels awkward to sit there next to Jason’s bed. He’s been here all afternoon and though Jason seems happy to see him, Kevin feels guilty about lying to Jason. All Kevin is happy for is that he’s not alone in this lie. Kitty dropped by and spend a bit of time with Jason and him, obviously biting her tongue not to talk about Evan.
Robert came to see Jason, separate from Kitty ‘to not tire Jason too much’, but Kevin knows that Robert did this to make sure that Kevin and Jason are not alone together, which would require them to maybe become more intimate. And both Robert and Kevin managed to bring up a bit of the old ‘rivalry’ they had two years ago, so that the friendship that had grown between Kevin and Robert over the last two years, wouldn’t come as a surprise to Jason, but it feels so ‘off’ to Kevin.
Jason is nice and sweet in a way that he never was before in their relationship. Not that Jason had been uncaring, but he was never this ‘over-the-top’-gentle either. Almost as if he’s compensating now for the time he abandoned Kevin when he was in Malaysia.
“What is wrong?” Jason suddenly asks, aware of the silence in Kevin.
“Nothing.” Kevin lies.
“I know I don’t look too good….”
“You always look great, even in a pyjama with an open back.” Kevin tries to joke and there’s a faint smile on Jason’s face.
“It’s just … busy with work and such…” Kevin waves his hand.
“Do you have a very important case?”
“You’re a lawyer…” Jason reminds him with a little laughter.
“Uh, yeah, a big case, but .. you know… Can’t talk about it.”
“Shouldn’t you be at the office then?”
“No. I’m more worried about you.”
And Kevin is glad he doesn’t have to lie with those words, because he IS worried about Jason.
Jason still looks pale and sometimes it seems as if he’s in a lot pain, even though he claims he’s not.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine.. If you need to be at the office…?”
“I should be…” Kevin replies, growing more and more uncomfortable with this situation.
“Why don’t you go back to the office?”
“Because of you. You’re here and...”
“Go to work, Kevin. I love that you’re here and willing to take care of me, but honestly, I think you’re mind is somewhere else. I just feel it.”
“It’s alright, Kev, I’m glad you want to take the time to be with me…” Kevin feels like he almost can’t breathe because Jason’s gentleness is suffocating him and the need to get out of the room gets bigger.
“Besides..” Jason continues. “..I’m tired and I want to rest a bit.”
“Oh. Oh, of course. Yes. Well. I’d better go then.” And Kevin hopes he doesn’t sound too pleased with Jason’s permission to leave, but he fears the worst when he sees the peculiar look on Jason’s face.
Kevin takes his jacket and his keys and he bends over to Jason and kisses him gently on the cheek. He’s about to move away, when Jason grabs his arm.’
“Is that all I’m getting? A kiss on the cheek? I know I’m black and blue, but …”
“I’m sorry. You’re bandages and all… I’m afraid I might hurt you….” Kevin apologizes.
“Oh, alright… I get that… Can I at least get a hug?” Jason asks, almost embarrassed at his own want for this sign of affection.
“Yeah, sure.” And Kevin wraps his arms around Jason, holds him tight, but careful and Jason’s grip on him is firm as well…
“I love you, Kevin.” he says softly and he feels Kevin freeze in his arms and Jason bites his lip. He knows somewhere deep inside that he should not say that to Kevin. And he isn’t even sure if he really loves Kevin, but Jason has the feeling that something is missing between them at the moment.
“I..” Kevin lets go of Jason and gets up. He knows he should answer with some words of love and affection as well, but he can’t do it. He just can’t. Then Jason smiles, a knowing smile.
“It’s alright… I know that those words don’t come to you easily… I’m fine.”
And as Jason watches Kevin leaves, there is yet again this sense of loss, that Jason can’t place. He knows that the accident shook him up, but he cannot believe that he stopped loving Kevin for it and yet… Kevin left without a proper kiss and Jason wonders why he feels happy that Kevin didn’t kiss him, almost as if it would have been wrong for Kevin to do so?
Kevin is happy when the door of the loft closes behind him. With a deep sigh, he leans against the door, letting his briefcase drop to the floor. He’s tired of having been on his guard all the time. He smiles when Scotty enters the room from the kitchen. Just what he needs now, a bit of Scotty’s love.
“Hey, how was it?”
“I feel … tired..” Kevin smiles when Scotty’s hands rest on his hips. Scotty bends over to Kevin to kiss him, but stops when he suddenly becomes aware of the scent of Jason’s aftershave. He backs off, feeling confused.
“You have Jason’s aftershave on you.” Scotty says, obviously embarrassed by his own feelings of resentment. They are stronger than he anticipated.
“What?!” Kevin lets go of Scotty as well, suddenly feeling empty, as if all the lying and pretending of today are mixing together to this wave of nausea that washes over him.
“Kevin,..” Scotty knows that he should trust Kevin, but…
“Don’t! Don’t give me that look of distrust! I haven’t done anything wrong!” Kevin defends himself. “It was only a hug, because I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him, as he asked me to. So don’t you dare!
Don’t you dare to stand there and act as if I wanted to cheat on you. I did NOT want to play along. Robert and you talked me into this. So don’t you dare to now suddenly get all cold on me. I don’t deserve that look! And I don’t deserve that attitude!” It is above all the forlorn look in his eyes that make Scotty realize that he handled the situation the wrong way.
“Kevin, I’m …” he starts, but Kevin is not willing to listen any further. He’s tired and Scotty’s reaction feels like a slap in the face. Fearing he might say something he would regret, he shakes his head, grabs his keys and opens the door.
“I need some fresh air.” He says and he quietly closes the door behind him.
END OF PART 1