Disclaimer: Not written for money, but out of love
Summary: I like to make Scotty reminisce
Scotty quietly puts his keys in the ash-tray. It’s nearly two in the morning and Kevin will probably be asleep. He pours himself a bit of wine. Not too much, just enough for a few sips. He’s not giving in to the Walker-habit just yet… Then he remembers that there’s one thing he needs to do first, before he forgets.
He sneaks into to bedroom and a few minutes later he sneaks out again, without awakening Kevin. He puts the plastic bag before him on the ground and takes out the air-mattress he slept on, for quite some time, two years ago. Jordan needs it for a guest who’ll be staying for a few days in his tiny apartment.
As Scotty unfolds the mattress, to see if it’s still in a good condition, he smiles at the memory of….
… Ah, there it is. 507. Scotty breathes out, unaware he had been holding his breath for a few seconds.
Should he really do this? Be so close to Kevin again? Kevin had broken his heart, twice, but Kevin is also the one who makes his heart beat faster every time they meet, and then he breaks Scotty heart again, because Scotty realizes that Kevin is in love with someone else.. Someone Kevin misses like crazy, so it must be the real thing. That thing they never had.
Scotty reaches out and sure enough, there’s the key. Under the mat. Just like he promised. Moving the key towards the lock he acknowledges that he can still walk away, call Kevin and tell him he found another place to stay…. But he doesn’t have one and he’s tired and he doesn’t want to spend another night alone in his cold car.
The door opens way too easily and there’s Kevin, at his desk, files in front of him. Some things never change. Scotty smiles at the familiarity, because also familiar is the welcoming smile on Kevin’s face that still makes Scotty’s stomach flutter, but he ignores his feelings. He has to.
“Hey…” Scotty says awkwardly.
“Hey…” is Kevin’s equally shy reply. “I… uh… I already got the mattress and …. Ahm.. some blankets, didn’t know if… but of course .. you have…” God! He’s so adorable when he stutters like that.
“My.. sleeping bag..” Scotty holds up his rolled up sleeping bag, tied with an elastic band around it, which takes that exact minute to snap, making the sleeping bag unmanageable to hold with one hand and roll out right in front of Kevin, humiliating Scotty.
The sleeping bag is not new, nor is it very clean. It has stains so obvious on it that Kevin cannot pretend to overlook them. Now it's Scotty's turn to stammer.
“It’s not easy… if you’re as tall as I am … in the car… I tried to keep warm, but there’s not much room to move and I…”
“Oh, of course, no worries. I will have that one cleaned. And you can take my blankets…”
“Cleaned…? Kevin, I can’t afford….” Scotty feels a bit overwhelmed now that Kevin is back in ‘practical’ mode. He’s not some charity case.
“… I’ll ask my mom… I’m sure she’d love to help you. She always liked you.” Kevin grins, but upon seeing Scotty’s embarrassed face, he offers: “I’ll tell her it’s for a friend?…. I won’t mention your name?” Scotty feels caught by Kevin’s gentleness and understanding. Seems like he’s the one that can now be read like a comic-book.
However, the idea of having something clean to sleep in is appealing and so:
“Thank you, for everything, and for the offer… and thank your mom… you can say it’s mine. Can’t really afford to have much pride left, can I?”
“There’s no reason for me to take it from you either, is there?”
Kevin’s smile is so sweet, that Scotty just want to wrap his arms around Kevin and… DON’T think about these things….
“Y'know what? Get a nice, long, warm shower and I’ll make the bed.” Kevin suggests and Scotty is more than happy to accept.
And, indeed, by the time Scotty joins Kevin in the living room, clean and warm, the bed is ready for him. The thick mattress, clean sheets, soft pillow and warm blanket make a wonderful bed. Better than anything he slept on these last few weeks and, for the first time in a long time, he looks forward to sleeping.
Kevin says goodnight and goes to his bedroom, leaving Scotty alone in the living room, so Scotty can finally lay down. He feels like he’s floating. He feels clean, warm and safe and with those thoughts he falls asleep….
Scotty shakes his head. How things have changed…
He gets on his knees to fold up the air-mattress and he has every intention to put it back in its bag, so Jordan can pick it up tomorrow, but then he lowers it back to the ground as looks at the couch, that couch where Kevin’s ….
… head rests on his shoulder. Comfortable. Familiar.
“I should go back to my air-mattress.” Scotty says quietly. Kevin lifts his head… Please, don’t… It felt so good where it was….
“Yeah, you should…” But it sounds as if Kevin doesn’t really want him to.
Scotty knows he shouldn’t do this, but this is Kevin.. He turns to Kevin, halfway expecting Kevin to turn him down, if he speaks his mind, but their lips meet somewhere in the middle. It’s spontaneous, hot, hard and fast. His own drunken state erased many details of that night, his own desires remember only some fragments.
The way he pulled Kevin closer into their embrace. The salt taste of Kevin’s skin under his lips. How Kevin had moaned his name underneath him, pushing up against him. Hands under his t-shirt caressing his back. The feel of the buttons on Kevin’s shirt under his own fingertips.
Somewhere Kevin had broken their kiss and somewhere Scotty remembers him suggesting going to bed…
Scotty shivers remembering how desperate he felt, how badly he desired Kevin, not because it was bad to want Kevin, just the timing sucked, with Kevin still in love with Jason…
The sheets were cold and fresh against his back as he lies down. Kevin covers him, grinding him into the mattress of his bed, but Scotty won’t let him and pushes back. There are needy noises from both of them. Hungry kisses. And then slowly Kevin lifts himself up.
“I’m not going to lie… I’m with someone else.” He says unstable.
“I know.” Scotty breathes out.
“I just.. I just want….” Kevin swallows hard.
“I know….” Scotty replies, letting his hand soothingly slide over Kevin’s chest further down.
Kevin’s eyes close, Scotty can see the pure ecstasy on his face when Scotty starts to caress his cock and then Scotty too has to close his eyes to not see the need in Kevin. Beyond that point images are too vague and blurry. All he remembers letting Kevin in. Not just in his heart, but also inside his body.
He vowed after Valentine’s Day it would never happen again, but all it takes is Kevin pleadingly whispering his name and Scotty spreads his legs to give Kevin access to him, he enjoys every thrust knowing it’s Kevin who is filling him over and over again. The fact that it is Kevin makes all the difference….
Of course that is not what he feels when he wakes up two hours later with Kevin still asleep in his arms. He is spooned up against Kevin and holds him tight, the familiar scent of Kevin’s hair under his nose. He quietly lets go of Kevin and slips out of bed to face the consequence of too much drinking.
But now that he has left the bed, he can’t return. Sleeping with Kevin had been a stupid move to begin with, Kevin is in love with someone else and although he’s lonely, their little sex-romp is meaningless and Scotty knows it. Coming back from the bathroom he stops at Kevin’s door and looks at him.
He would give anything to get back into that bed and feel Kevin in his arms, but it’s not possible. The air-mattress awaits him. He turns around and…
“Don’t leave me, please, come back to bed, I miss you…” the words are so soft that Scotty believes he imagined them, but Kevin lifts his head.
“I mean it, please, come back in bed.” Scotty opens his mouth to turn down Kevin, but then his feet seem to have another plan and a few seconds later he snuggles up to Kevin and kisses him softly, wraps an arm around him and soon enough Kevin is asleep again.
But not Scotty. He starts to see the complications. He can’t stay here. Not now that he helped Kevin with cheating on Jason. Kevin will realize his foolishness in the morning and then it will all be over. The only one ending up with a broken heart will be Scotty. Again….
Scotty feels his desperation come back to him full force.
Even thinking about it now, makes him nauseous with sadness and he can suddenly feel the tears in his eyes. He had felt so alone, so unimportant and so cheap. He had loved Kevin so much. He had allowed Kevin to use him for his own satisfaction, because he had known that this is what Kevin needed and he had agreed to it, because, well, … it was Kevin!
“Scotty? Oh, my God, you’re crying.. Honey, whatever I’ve done, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to….” Scotty looks up shocked as Kevin quickly walks up to him and wraps his arms around him. “What did I do? Or was it something I didn’t do? Did we have date? I know it’s not our anniversary or your birthday…. I’m sorry… I really have no idea… What have I done?”
“Kevin, I’m fine..” Scotty laughs through his tears as he sees the distraught look on Kevin’s face. “I’m fine.”
“You’re crying.” Kevin states as an obvious reason for not being ‘fine’.
“I was just thinking about the past.”
“And that is why you’re crying?”
“Yes. I just remembered how bad I felt when we just got back together. I felt guilty towards Jason, insecure about your feelings, trapped because I loved being here and didn’t want to leave and worried that that feeling was all that united us.
That it wasn’t about love, but that we were both lonely and in need someone to be with…. Just to fill a void… And I was convinced, that if you’d see Jason, be face-to-face with him… You’d beg him to come back and you would dump me…”
“Scotty…” Kevin sounds a bit irritated, yet he puts his arms around the man he loves.
Yes, he does remember how strained their relationship had been. There was so much to deal with. But the hardest part had been….
…he moans as Scotty’s lips move over his. Slowly he sinks down backwards on the couch and he takes Scotty with him.
Spreading his legs he gives Scotty the chance to lie between them, to push him further down into the cushions. Scotty’s hand is in the back of his neck. The other one sliding down from his chest to his hip. Scotty breaks the kiss and proceeds to kiss his throat and Kevin’s breathing hitches as he feels that warm breath on his skin.
“S..Scotty, please, stop….” He nearly begs. Scotty lifts his head, a question in his eyes.” I can’t take it anymore. Please, I know, you want to take things slow, but each time we start to kiss, we end up doing this…. And it goes nowhere….” He pushes Scotty away a bit. “… and … “
He lifts his hands in desperation as if he tries to make Scotty back off.
“I don’t fully understand why you prefer to continue to sleep on that…” He points at the air-mattress. “… rather than be in my bed, and I do respect your decision… but I don’t know how much more I can take of this.…”
“I agree, the ‘no sex’-rule isn’t really working for me either.” Scotty sighs “And it’s not that I don’t want to sleep with you… It’s just… Sex was never the problem between us. It was right from the first time… It’s the rest of our relationship that just went nowhere. And I want ‘us’ to be more than just sex… Does that make sense?”
“I guess, … but I’ve reached a point where I cannot even talk about the weather anymore without thinking about you, shirtless, and me stripping you of everything else.” Kevin softly whines. Scotty laughs at the face Kevin makes.
“What am I wearing then in your thoughts?” he teases. Kevin shakes his head.
“Doesn’t matter. By the time I’m done with you, all you’re wearing is a condom.” Kevin sighs, a heavenly smile on his face, which makes Scotty laugh out loud. But then his smile vanishes again.
“I’m scared. Scared of being rejected. Scared that this is just … need. And not love.”
“I know. I get that. I try to be a good boyfriend and be patient, but… it’s not easy.. And if you’re kissing me, touching me all over and nearly making me explode with every caress, … it’s getting harder to switch it off at your command… I sometimes just want to grab, fling you on my bed, tie you up and just…. But don’t worry, I won’t.”
Kevin quickly reassures Scotty after seeing the shocked look on his face. Then he gets up and gently squeezes Scotty’s shoulder, bends over and kisses Scotty’s head.
“I’m off to bed… Well, cold shower first and then off to bed… Goodnight, baby.” And with a last sad smile at Scotty, he leaves Scotty alone in the living-room.
In his bedroom he sits down on the bed. He undoes his shoes and throws his socks on the floor. His shirt is already unbuttoned from their little moment on the couch, so his shirt slides off his shoulders and he’s just about to unbuckle his pants when the door to his bedroom slides open a bit further and Scotty comes in.
He’s holding up the air-mattress. Slowly rolling it up in his hands, squeezing the air out of it. Kevin stares at this with fascination, unable to quite get his head around what Scotty’s action means. It can’t be that…? Is it…?
“Does this mean…?” He doesn’t dare to finish his question, Scotty nods and smiles.
The air-mattress ends up on the floor and Scotty walks up to Kevin. Once he’s in front of him, Scotty gives Kevin a push so that Kevin lands backwards on the bed. He lifts up Kevin’s legs and Kevin’s pants land on the floor and then his underwear. Kevin is unable to take his eyes of Scotty, who smiles as he crawls onto the bed.
“Just a condom, huh?” he asks with a grin. Kevin nods numbly. “I can do that. And what do I do then?” He asks, as if he can’t fill in the blanks himself. Kevin pulls Scotty on top of him, moaning as Scotty, still dressed, brushes against a particularly sensitive area.
“Then you fuck me.” Kevin whispers.
“Oh, I can do that too…” Scotty whispers back, lowering his head to kiss Kevin…
“That must have been the last time I saw the air-mattress.” Kevin says.
“Yes, I believe we cleaned up everything the next day and that was it.”
“No.” Scotty replies with certainty. “None whatsoever. It hasn’t always been easy, particularly not when Jason came back,… I think my insecurity peaked there,…” Scotty gives Kevin an embarrassed smile at the memory of his behavior that day. “But after our talk in the Ranchero, I just knew… you were the one I wanted to be with...”
Kevin quietly helps Scotty put the mattress back in the plastic bag. And Scotty sits back looking at the bag.
“You know, all I wanted was some peace in my life. A stable relationship. Calmly go about my life and love and be loved.”
“… And then you marry a Walker?” Kevin asks in mock-disbelief. Scotty grins.
“I know! Where did I go wrong?” He laughs. “No, I love your family and I love you and I have to admit, … never a dull moment.”
“Yeah, you’re right… Coming to bed?” Kevin then asks. Scotty nods.
Once they’re in bed, Scotty pulls up the blankets around them and spoons up against Kevin. Even after all this time this is his favorite way of sleeping. With Kevin’s back against his chest. An arm around Kevin’s waist. He kisses the back of Kevin’s neck and he can hear Kevin’s smile. And he closes his eyes. Glad he no longer has to sleep on an air-mattress.