Disclaimer: I don’t own anything
Extra: This an AU (Alternative Universe) story, so remember : The more things change, the more they stay the same. Here are part 01, part 02, part 03, part 04, part 05, part 06, part 07, part 08, part 09, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27, part 28, part 29, part 30, part 31, part 32, part 33, part 34, part 35, part 36, part 37, part 38, part 39, part 40, part 41, part 42, part 43, part 44, part 45, part 46, part 47, part 48, part 49, part 50, part 51, part 52, part 53, part 54, part 55, part 56, part 57, part 58, part 59, part 60, part 61, part 62, part 63, part 64, part 65, part 66, part 67, part 68. part 69, part 70, part 71, part 72, part 73, part 74, part 75, part 76, part 77, part 78, part 79, part 80, part 81, part 82, part 83, part 84, part 85, part 86, part 87, part 88, part 89, part 90, part 91, part 92, part 93, part 94, part 95 and part 96
HALFWAY JUNE 2008
Chad, Jason and Jordan are still in shock over Tyler's upset state, when the door opens again and Justin enters.
“Is she here?” is all he asks.
“If you’re referring to Tyler. Yes, she is.” Jordan replies.
“No, she’s not. She is out of here.” Tyler comes out of her room and marches past Justin, who doesn’t try to stop her. “I’ll have to pack the rest of my stuff tomorrow when you guys are not here. Meanwhile I’ll be spending the night at Janet’s.” Jordan frowns. He knows Tyler’s best friend, Janet, very well by now and this means Tyler is really hurt…
Justin doesn’t attempt to stop her. Instead he just stares at Jason and Chad. Somewhere he realizes that Jason and Chad are together, as a couple. And this means that Chad and Jordan are through… That Jordan is free.. available.
“We need to talk.” Justin says to Jordan, his voice a little hoarse. “Alone.”
Getting the not-so-subtle hint Chad gets up.
“Come, Jason, we will leave them alone,... to talk.” And catching Jason’s confused look, he quickly whispers. “I’ll explain to you the reason why Jordan lied, ... in the car.”
Justin watches how Chad and Jason say goodbye to Jordan and in his mind he replays what happened between him and Tyler.
EARLIER THIS DAY:
“So, this was all about your insecurities?” Tyler asks, unable to believe it. The shock is so clear in her entire attitude, that Justin feels even more guilty for telling her the truth.
“I really wanted this to work, Tyler... You’re an amazing woman... And I loved, loved being with you. You didn’t anything wrong.
And I really wanted to believe, for my own piece of mind, that nothing is ‘wrong’ with me, but ... I’m only fooling myself and ... I’m lying to you... because, as a wonderful as you are, .. you’re not the person I really dream to be with...”
“And this ‘dude’ is?” Tyler asks.
She wonders why Justin is so careful with his words. Now that she knows how Justin feels, it all falls into place, like the last pieces of a puzzle. The sudden change between Justin and Jordan, the sudden cold front at home, them no longer being together all the time, Jordan finding some reason to be gone when Justin is home and vice versa.
“What are you going to do about Jordan?” She asks point blank. For a moment Justin seems surprised that she connected the dots for herself, but then he resigns to it.
“Nothing. He’s with Chad, apparently very happy and I will not destroy that. On the other hand, I didn’t want to continue to pretend to you either. You deserve the truth...”
Justin shrugs, looking miserable and Tyler isn’t sure how to feel. She really likes Justin and had hoped on something more, but she too had noticed how he wasn’t really there in their relationship, like he was miles away with his thoughts. Something vital had been missing between them.
And though it hurts to think that she’s been used, by Justin, like some guinea-pig to find out if he’s gay, straight or perhaps bi, at the same time, she can feel Justin’s pain. Being in love with someone, who is now involved with someone else is painful enough, regardless of your sexual orientation.
Add to that the fact that Jordan is someone, that Justin shouldn’t be in love with... and you have severe confusion added to painful situation. She feels for Justin, maybe even for Jordan, who seems to have lost a friend, but,... damn, this hurts her too. She wipes away her tears and gets up.
“I’m leaving.” She says.
“Tyler...” Justin tries to stop her.
“No. I need to deal with this and I cannot do it here. This is not working... Pay for the drinks, will you?” And she storms off.
“Alone at last.” Justin’s smile is a bit fake.
“Justin...” Jordan wants to back away from the conversation, he knows, is about to come.
“Are Chad and Jason back together?” Justin asks suddenly.
“Ahm, .. yes.” Jordan replies.
“Sorry, ... must be hard for you.”
“You’re probably wondering why Tyler was so upset...” Justin starts and Jordan resists the urge to reply ‘not really’, because he is curious.
“... Tyler and I, we broke up. I felt like I owed her the truth. Namely that I am in love with someone else... With you.”
“Justin....” Jordan shakes his head. He doesn’t need this. Not again. It hurts too much.
“You told to make up my mind and I have. I think it is quite possible that I’m bi-sexual... alright? There, I said it. I admit it..... And I admit I’m in love with you. As much as I enjoyed her company, it was you I wanted to be with, you who was on my mind. Please, tell me that you want me too...”
“To ‘want’ in not enough, Justin. We already had a bit of sex. I’m sorry, but that is as far as I'm going.”
“It is not about the sex. Not about that alone. I miss you.”
“You said it yourself, it was only sex.”
“If you lied then, why would I believe you now?”
“Jordan!!!” Justin hardly hides his frustrations. He’s trying so hard to be honest and now Tyler hates him and Jordan slams the door in his face. It hurts!
“No. I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I cannot get involved with you, only for you to find out, that is not what you want after all and go back to sleeping with girls and I’m left with a broken heart.”
“I’m sorry, Jordan, but I disagree. I’m passed the hormonal stages of a 15-year old. I know what I want.”
“Yes, me ... in your bed.”
“No, you ... in my life!... I may find it hard to admit that I have these feeling for another man, but I have them. They’re here. I cannot switch them off. They aren’t going anywhere. It scares me to death, I don’t want them to be here, but they just are.
I’d rather simply be straight and not have to wonder how people will react to me now. But it is here. I’m in love with you. It is not the lack of sex during those months after Fawn died. I read the medical books, Jordan, I know how the male anatomy works.... I just had a ‘refresher-course’ with Tyler.
But this is not about getting touched and stroked and off you go. It is more. It is stronger than me. It is not going away, even if I have sex with someone else. It drives me crazy. And ... when I was sleeping with Tyler, I felt like I was cheating on you. No matter what I do, where I am, you’re in my system.”
“I can’t do this, Justin.” Jordan backs away, shaking his head. “I need more security than that. I don’t want to be some one-night stand. Not with you. You’re too important to me. I cannot bare to lose what I have with you.”
“And what is that right now, Jordan? We avoid each other, we don’t talk, we don’t have fun anymore...”
“I’m sorry. I’m trying to deal with this.”
“And I’m not? This is a whole new thing for me too, Jordan. Can't we do this together, please?”
“I can’t do this.”
“You already said that. What more do you need from me?”
“Something. I don’t know. I need to know that I’m not going to get my heart broken, that you’re not going to meet some Linda, Sue or Janet and suddenly you’re straight again and I’ll be left behind, feeling like a complete and total fool, for believing that you and I could have worked to begin with...”
“Can you guarantee me that you will never meet another man, fall in love on the spot and forget all about me? When you fall in love, you take a chance. Nobody can guarantee ‘forever’-love. You can only hope that your choice will be the right one. And right now, choosing you is what is right for me.”
“But is different.... You have more choices, both men and women....”
“I don’t want to choose. I want to be with you.” Jordan can see the tension on Justin's face. Justin wants this so much..
For a moment, he wavers, but then he backs to the door.
“I’m sorry. That is not good enough.” Jordan says and this time it is Jordan who walks away, leaving Justin to kick the door and express a heart-felt:
END OF PART 97