About: Jason, Kevin, Scotty, Tommy
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything
Extra: This an AU (Alternative Universe) story, so remember : The more things change, the more they stay the same. Here are part 01, part 02, part 03, part 04, part 05, part 06, part 07, part 08, part 09, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27, part 28, part 29, part 30, part 31, part 32, part 33, part 34, part 35, part 36, part 37, part 38, part 39, part 40, part 41, part 42, part 43, part 44, part 45, part 46, part 47, part 48, part 49, part 50, part 51, part 52, part 53, part 54, part 55, part 56, part 57, part 58, part 59, part 60, part 61, part 62, part 63, part 64, part 65, part 66 and part 67
HALFWAY APRIL 2008 – TUESDAY EVENING
It’s dark in the church when he enters, but he knows he needs to talk to someone. In the front of the church he can see someone clean the floor with a broom.
“Hello?” He asks. The young man looks up from his work.
“Mr Walker.” Jason smiles surprised.
“You were at the party last Saturday.” Tommy says surprised.
“Jason McCallister.” Jason introduces himself again. “Can I help you?”
“I… I don’t know… maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
“All requests for help are anonymous. I wouldn’t blab to Kevin, if that is what you’re worried about.”
“No.. I’m not sure. There’s something…. Something happened and I need to … talk… to someone, but I don’t know who.”
“Do you want to confess to something?”
“Do you take the confession?”
“I can. Are you Catholic?”
“Had to become one. when I married Julia. Though Julia isn’t very church-going, her religion is important to her.” Tommy explains.
“We can take the confessional booth, or, if you prefer, talk here. It’s perhaps unconventional, but we’re alone here, in God’s presence and I don’t think that there’s anything you could confess to that God doesn’t already know you did. So, if you prefer to talk to me to take a burden of your shoulder or to confess….”
“I prefer it here.” Tommy replies shyly. And Jason motions him to sit down in one of the pews. They quietly sit together for a while and Jason waits patiently for Tommy to begin.
“I killed my father.” Tommy then says suddenly and Jason is shocked by his words.
“What?” He asks startled.
“I killed my father….” Tommy says, biting his lip.
“What did you do?”
“Then how could you have killed him?”
“By doing nothing.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I went to Ojai Foods Saturday night. Put my letter of resignation on my dad’s desk. I couldn’t work there anymore. .. You were there. You saw how my dad was….
After saying my goodbye to the company… I didn’t plan on going back there… I drove home and … it didn’t sit well with me… I was still angry.. but also sad… confused… I had to talk to my dad… just one more time. So I drove to my parents’ house. I knew mom would be with Sarah and dad would be home alone.
I figured that, with her gone, we could at least fight and yell at each other, without hurting mom, Julia or Sarah… or anyone else. But when I came there I… I found my father lying on the floor…. He was dying. I knew it. He needed help.” Tommy’s voice breaks and his hands cover his face. Jason carefully takes his wrists and brings them down.
“Tommy, what did you do?”
“Nothing! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I just let him…. die!....” Tommy cries. “He first ordered me to call 911 … and then he begged… He begged for my help.” There are tears in his eyes.
“I just looked at him squirm and I turned around and walked away. Got in my car. Drove home and… left my dad there… Alone… In an empty house… I left him to die alone.” Tommy’s voice is so bitter and Jason swallows his shock away.
“It must have been the shock of seeing him lying there. Maybe you didn’t know what to do?”
“I’m not sure... That’s just it. I’d like to think, that it was just my not being able to deal with seeing my father die, but.... I don’t know... On my way to my dad, it crossed my mind how convenient it would be, if he would just go away... though death was not what I had in mind.”
“Of course you didn’t. You usually don’t really want someone to actually DIE.” Jason says softly
“I loved him so much and now I hate him too. That isn’t possible, right? To love and hate someone at the same time?”
“It is.” Jason sighs. “You can hate someone’s principles, ideas, political point-of-views, actions and at the same time still love him because he’s your brother… or father, or whatever other relationship you can have to the other person. And from what you told me and what I saw for myself, all of you had some pretty good reason to be furious with him.
But I doubt that anyone in your family, including Kevin and Scotty would actually have wanted William to literally die.” Tommy nods at Jason’s words. Jason is right. “You can’t turn back the clock, Tommy, you will have to live with this for the rest of your life. Ask yourself at least if you could have saved him, if you had done something.
If he died of heart-attack, then the chances, of you actually being able to save his life, might have been slim … Talk to his doctor, maybe he can give you some more information. Don’t blame yourself for not saving him, if you would not been able to save him to begin with.
I’m not saying that what you did is right. You should have grabbed the phone and call 911, but that moment has passed. You didn’t use it and now you will have to live with that….” Jason looks at his hands for a few seconds, searching for words. “But have your thought that maybe should also tell your family?”
“No. They wouldn’t understand.” Jason sees the logic in Tommy’s words and he can see how difficult living with this secret will be for Tommy. Jason sighs. The Walkers seem to have a tendency to make themselves very unhappy. Then he turns back to Tommy, squeezes his shoulder in encouragement.
HALFWAY APRIL 2008 – WEDNESDAY - THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL.
“Kevin, please, you can’t do this. He’s your father.”
“Scotty, go if you want. But I’m not going.” Kevin replies stubbornly. Scotty places his hand on Kevin’s shoulder.
“We cannot simply NOT show up. It’s your dad’s funeral. Your last chance to say goodbye.”
“I’ve said my last goodbye to him last Saturday. I have nothing to add to that.”
“Even if you have nothing left to say or do, can’t you be there for your mom and your brothers and sisters? They might need your support.”
“They have each other, they don’t need me.”
“Yes, they do.”
“Listen, Scotty, we have argued about this since Sunday evening and I still haven’t changed my mind. I’m not going and that is final.”
“And I still have a hour to harass you about this.”
“A whole hour? … Good luck… You know, us lawyers, we hate to lose arguments.”
“Well, get used to it, because this is not an argument you’re going to win.” Scotty replies. “I know, I should respect your decision. It’s your father, your family, your life and your choice…”
“Exactly. Now, get off my case.”
“… BUT, I’m your husband and if I see you make a mistake,… or something that I perceive to be a mistake,.. I have the right to call you on it.”
“I’m not denying you that right, but it won’t change my mind. I’m not going.”
“Kevin, I’m not denying that he hurt you. I would never do that. He did hurt you. And me. And your mom. And your brothers and sisters.. And now he’s dead. And you and he will never be able to fix anything between yourselves. Not ever again. All you can do now is let him go.”
“I have. He’s gone.”
“No! You haven’t. You so filled with anger and bitterness. But also with guilt and I know you’re hurting, because he died. You may hate what he did to us and to your mom, but a part of you was also very proud of what he had accomplished.
You wanted to love him, even when he pushed you away, because that is who you are, Kevin, you are capable of being incredibly angry at him, but I know you have it in you to forgive him as well and ... let him go. To forgive is not about saying that the other one was right, but that you are moving on with your life and are closing this chapter.”
“I think you have a too idealistic opinion of me.” Kevin replies quietly.
“No, I don’t.” Scotty shakes his head. “I just want to convince you to go. Not for William, not for me, not for Nora, not for any of the others, but for yourself…. Whatever happened, happened.
Whatever could have been done or said to correct it… it will no longer be done or be said. It’s over. William is dead. You cannot change the past, but you have control over the future and, honestly, Kevin, do you want to spend the rest of your life, your life with me, filled with anger and hatred over something that you will never, ever be able to change?
He wasn’t the father you wanted him to be, forgive him for that. His life is over, but yours isn’t, and neither is mine. As your husband I’m asking to come with me and say your last goodbye to him.” Scotty pleas and Kevin looks up at him with tears in his eyes.
“I’m not going, Scotty. I can’t forgive him and I won’t go to his funeral.”
END OF PART 68