Behind the mask 25/?By Marea67About:
Kevin/Scotty and others.Rate:
When Scotty has to deal with too many disasters at once, William offers him a solution that will change his life
P.S. Please remember it’s an AU. In my London, the Walkers live in house that has land that borders a lake. Just go with it. :)
“I wonder where Kevin has gone off to.” Scotty places the last cards on the table. They’re done playing.
“I don’t know if he’s still interested, but I remember that Kevin would go to the lake, to that landing-stage? You must remember it, from when we still went sailing on the lake.”
“Oh! That one. Yes, I remember. I think I’ll go over there and hopefully I’ll find him.”
“Good luck!” Justin laughs and he disappears to the kitchen to find Tyler. Scotty laughs and leaves the house to find the path that leads to the lake, where he hopes to find time to be with Kevin before the guests come.
“I think it’s rude to not come as a united family.” Jack says and Robert sighs.
“I explained it to you. Jason decided to go a little earlier to have a look at the lake and Chad would join us at that the Walker-house, because he was on his way back from the theater. I’m sure William will be able to understand that.”
“And why is this Chad still at your house?”
“Things have been set in motion, uncle Jack. Now that Scotty has money, he’ll be interesting to Chad and I’m sure that Jason wouldn’t mind taking care of Kevin’s broken heart.”
“Well, I hope so. That Walker-kid was much better than that washed up actor.” Though Robert secretly agrees with Jack, he worries about how the Walkers would feel about his scheming. Robert doesn’t care much about other people, but the Walkers are dear to him and he’s not so sure they’ll appreciate him coming between Kevin and Scotty.
“Hi, Jase.” Kevin cannot help but smile back at his former lover.
“It’s been a long time… You look good.” Jason clearly doesn’t know what to say.
“Thank you. So do you.” Kevin easily returns the compliment and a blush comes to Jason’s face.
“Jase…” They laugh at how they simultaneously start to talk, just like they used to. Kevin waves that Jason should go first, which actually suits him just fine, because he has no idea what it is exactly that he wants to say to Jason.
“Kev, I’m so sorry. About… Years ago. That I walked out on you. I completely panicked when the doctor said you’d be impotent. Just the mere thought that we would never again have that intimacy that I longed for so badly… I don’t think I ever really heard anything else the doctor had to say after that word fell.”
“I don’t remember much after that either.” Kevin acknowledges.
“I want you to know, that it was the biggest mistake of my life. I was still so completely in love with you. But I got so overwhelmed with it all. First the news about the accident, when we didn’t know how badly injured you really were.
The tension of waiting for you to regain consciousness. I hardly slept at all. And then there was the fear. If you would wake up, what would be the consequences? I was prepared for so much… Really, the worst… But when they finally took away the bandages, it was so awful…
It looked so terrible, but I knew, underneath, you were still my Kevin, …” Jason’s eyes fill with tears. “I tried. I tried
to look past it. I believed you could heal and then we’d be alright… But when the word ‘impotent’ fell, I felt like someone pulled the rug from underneath me.
First there were the weeks when I wasn’t allowed to touch you, ‘cause I could hurt you…. Then I couldn’t touch you, because I couldn’t get used to your face and then, when I finally took that hurdle, I found out that it was useless, because it didn’t matter to you… I mean, off course it mattered, but…”
“I get it.” Kevin says curtly. He cups Jason’s face in his hands and he wipes Jason’s tears away with his thumbs. “I get it.” He repeats gentler. Jason shakes his head.
“I’m sorry. Here I go on talking about my feelings, when… it was so much worse for you.”
“Don’t say that. You’re entitled to your own feelings.”
Kevin can feel Jason tremble under his touch.
“When you didn’t respond to me… it felt like didn’t you want me…. I felt rejected. Like an outsider. I got mad.” Jason explains.
“It must have been just as frustrating for you as it was to me.”
Jason closes his eyes, unable to look Kevin right in the eyes.
“I’m so ashamed of my selfishness.” He says quietly.
“Don’t be. It was hard. I was selfish too. I couldn’t imagine what you were going through. I was so busy with myself.”
“We lost each other at a certain point.”
“I know. I don’t think one of us to blame. It was just too much. For you. For me. We got overwhelmed. Caught off guard. And we were still so young.” Kevin’s voice is gentle and it takes away an ache Jason feels inside.
“There’s something I need to know.” Jason lifts his head again to look at Kevin. He’s getting grip on his feelings again. “When you said you didn’t want to postpone the inevitable… you were talking about getting married, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Kevin sighs, sadness in his eyes. “But then you broke up with me.”
“I thought it was what you wanted. That you were rejecting me, because you were impotent … I didn’t know exactly what it was, I was sure that you wanted to break up with me.”
“Are you sure that it wasn’t what you
wanted,.. subconsciously?” Kevin asks.
“I don’t know…” Jason says honestly. “When I left hospital I went home and I lived in a daze for several weeks. And then it was like I woke up and I realized that I had never stopped loving you… I wanted you back, but your family said you were in Wales. And you didn’t want to see anyone anymore. They thought it was just temporary…
I never heard from you, or from them, but truth be told, I didn’t go look
for you or them either. Guess it says something about me too. Maybe I felt that I lost the right.” He shrugs. Kevin doesn’t answer to that and Jason clears his throat: “But I never stopped loving you. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life…” Jason grabs Kevin’s hands.
“Jason,…” Kevin moans as if in pain.
“Please, tell me it’s not too late. That we still have a chance somehow… because I still love you.” There’s such intensity in Jason that Kevin feels his defenses crumble. The hands that hold his are warm and tender.
There’s something about having Jason this close, the smell of his after-shave, the awareness of his body close to Kevin’s own body… Kevin closes his eyes and becomes an 18-year old boy again. The one from before the accident. When life was still perfect and everything was going his way…
The one eagerly waiting for spring to come, so he could marry the man of his dreams and be forever happy, exactly as he envisioned it. His lips part inadvertently at the memory and then Jason’s lips are on his. For a moment Kevin is frozen at the touch, but then he lifts his hands and places them on Jason’s hips…
Scotty remains equally frozen for a second, when he sees the sight before him. He immediately knows it’s Kevin. And he has no doubt that the other man is Jason. He doesn’t know what to do. Their conversation seems intense. Should he make his presence known? Clear his throat or something?
He sees Jason take Kevin’s hands and he shakes his head, feeling that the inevitable is going to happen. Then Jason leans forward and kisses Kevin and with a little gasp, Scotty turns around and runs away as fast he can. He has all the answers he needs, and they aren’t the ones he wanted.
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE